How sure were you REALLY before getting married?

[Trills]

Certain as certain can be?

Not really certain but thought "this is probably the best thing to do, on balance"?

Both? As in, recognising that the most certain that someone can be is to think "this is probably the best, with the limited information that I have"

I'm here :o

ninilegs

Reasonably sure. I've always liked to keep my options open so marriage didn't come naturally to me. I'd not have married had it not been for a visa issue. 10 years and 3 kids on, I feel the same way. I have no plans to go anywhere, and I'm still 'reasonably' sure. I'm certainly happy. It's just who I am, I guess.

Very sure, but we'd been together 10 years, already had a house together etc. It was really just a case of doing some paperwork to tie up a few legal loose ends.

:)

Seriously though it wasn't a big decision or commitment in itself. We'd already made that commitment years before, the wedding just made it official in other people's eyes.

#1 I knew for sure I was doing the wrong thing but felt I couldn't get out of it

#2 100% sure

Really sure.
Only together 2 years before but he nursed me through recovery from a life threatening injury, and we've set good habits. It took a huge argument to be really sure.
Very quiet (just witnesses) wedding last month. Time will tell but it looks pretty good thus far :)

So sure it barely even registered, if that makes sense. I barely though about it. I don't mean that in an impulsive way - we'd been engaged and living together for over a year and were buying a house at the time of the wedding - more that it just felt like the most obvious natural thing in the world. No brainer.

That said, a lot of angst went on in the years before we got engaged because he didn't want children and I thought I did. While I couldn't tear myself away from him I always told him I wouldn't marry him because of this and turned him down once even after he said he'd changed his mind.

5 years on he still quite likes the idea of children and I'm less and less keen! Not everything is perfect, but he's still the right person for me beyond a shadow of a doubt. We're very different in some respects, I have more in common with him over the big and fundamental things than anyone I've ever met. He's also a totally fantastic husband.

I actually love that song BUT I'm not sure I agree with the sentiment anymore.

Fell in love with/ was groomed by my teacher who was 15 years older than me. The relationship began when I was 14 and felt very "fated" and meant to be to me. I fully and completely believed in the idea of The One etc. that went on until I was 22 and when it ended I became very cynical about love.

I was then with a nice but nondescript man of my own age who amused me and was kind to me but was the dictionary definition of "if I didn't have you someone else would do". In fact we both loved that song and would have philosophical conversations about how clever we were to have overcome the idea of fate and The One and made an intellectual decision to have a relationship. It all felt very grown up and very well thought out compared to the eight years of madness and passion that I had been through with the man I thought was "The One".

And then 3 months before we were due to get married- with that very song as our music to walk out of the registry office to- my now DH walked into my work and I remembered about The One and fate and all that malarkey and within two weeks I had called off my wedding.

That was some years ago now and I'm rather afraid I do believe in The One after all. Even though Tim Minchin makes a very valid argument I think that if I didn't have DH no one else could possibly do.

100% certain.

Still married after nearly 30 ears.

Still 100% certain.

years obviously. Sigh.

We already had two babies and a home together so there was no room for doubts!

We're very happy I think. Like others, I'm not 100% certain of anything but I was pretty close.

First time round, about 50%, I wanted someone to say "are you sure?" but no one did. I blame everyone. ;)

Definitely 100% sure, we were engaged after 2 months and have been happily married for 20 years.
I still get butterflies in my tummy when he walks into a room, and he still makes me laugh so much.

45% !! With two weeks to go, I got cold feet. They didn't go away but I couldn't see a way out. 18 months later we divorced. Wish I had seen things clearer sooner.

100% sure. I didn't want a wedding (ours was very small and low-key and still felt like too much!) but I wanted to be married, and DH felt the same. We've been married nearly 20 years, together 25.

Not sure at all TBH. Was very much thinking, shit, shit, shit! But weirdly I felt (at the time) that if we hadn't gotten married when we did we'd have split up. I felt I needed more commitment from him than just living together (had lived together for 4 years before marrying). That doesn't look too good written down, but it worked (so far) we're still together 14 years after getting married.

What's behind your question Trills? If you have any shred of a doubt, then despite all the cutesy answers on here, I would strongly advise you to take your time.

Before marrying:
Make sure you have a sole bank account

Do not have a non-signatory joint account

Separate, rather than lump together, any savings you have individually.

Have a will in place.

Have a proper discussion about children - do you both want them/not want them and either way who can compromise? Rough timeline?

Discuss, before marrying, how each of you might handle a possible break up so that there is some informal blueprint in place to help limit nastiness.
(how you would share bills/childcare etc. No slagging on social media)

Set some sexual boundaries:
eg, anal sex - yes or no or sometimes or over my dead body etc?
Porn? (ditto)
Discuss sex frankly - what each of you likes and doesn't like, needs more/less of.

Set some householed boundaries/agreements:
Fair share of housework if you live together?
No introducing no partners very quickly if you split?

Discuss expectations.

If you were splashing out on a mercedes you would want to know its capabilities, flaws and the longevity of its engine.

You simply must do the same in deciding to get married.

Of course, Love comes first. Love is everything. But rationality, realism and some degree of agreed values and boundaries must go hand in hand with the two of you as you step up to the alter.

like someone else said , 100% sure. twice. 2 divorces

I'd go with 95% sure.

Engaged at 23, married at 24. I'm 43 in a week and in 2 weeks we celebrate our 19th anniversary.

First time: I had no idea really that relationships could be anything other than either engaged or married. Had read too many novels of the 30s and 40s I think. So despite the obvious glaring holes in our relationship, we were together so therefore we were going to be married.

Second time: we had a child together and dh wanted to get married so that he had legal rights to the child. I made him wait until ds had been born but after that I just wanted us to stay together, and getting married was a way of adding more security.

In both cases, I was in love - that hardly figured in the scheme of things. Marriage IMO is quite a practical business.

And even with all those things in place amazonian there's no guarantee that one or the other of you in the relationship won't change the boundaries at some point. And sooner than you'd think.

I had all those conversations before we got married, and it in no way prepared me for what happened next.

100% sure. But still aware that isn't a guarantee! We are very happy though.

Not sure at all, said yes to engagement because I felt sorry for him (I was 21) got married at 24 because I hadn't been brave enough to tell him I didn't want to marry him, I actually walked down the aisle knowing I didn't want to do it, had an affair and divorced at 27 - fortunately no dc's.