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Original poster

How sure were you REALLY before getting married?

154 replies

Trills · 11/12/2013 20:19

Certain as certain can be?

Not really certain but thought "this is probably the best thing to do, on balance"?

Both? As in, recognising that the most certain that someone can be is to think "this is probably the best, with the limited information that I have"

I'm here :o

OP posts:
GoshAnneGorilla · 12/12/2013 04:20

Very sure, despite only having know each other a very short amount of time indeed (barely months), which in hindsight is crackers.

Still together 7 years on, so far so good (generally).

However, I'm not one for soulmates, or the one. When I met him, I thought "That's the sort of man I want to marry", so I did.

VestaCurry · 12/12/2013 05:23

Completely sure.

TobyLerone · 12/12/2013 05:40

The first time, not sure at all. We kind of 'fell into it' (along with some pressure from his parents because they didn't want us to have a child out of wedlock). I'd only just turned 20. We were divorced when I was 25.

The second time, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. We've only been married since January, but a day hasn't passed that we haven't both thought (and usually said) about how glad we are that we married each other.

IsSpringSprangedYet · 12/12/2013 05:56

Very sure about marrying him. I would've liked more time to arrange a proper wedding though. Been married 5.5 years. Smile

sanityawol · 12/12/2013 06:00

First time - not at all sure. The night before the wedding I was very close to getting in my car and just driving. Only went through with it because I didn't want to let everyone down. Funnily enough that one didn't last and caused me no end of grief.

This time, it just felt right. Has been 8 years now and I haven't doubted my decision despite some tough times. I don't subscribe to all this 'The One' stuff, but can't see me wanting to go anywhere else.

Although if Tim Minchin was to turn up on my doorstep... Grin

Ilovekittyelise · 12/12/2013 07:03

total sure, although nervous and knew it wouldnt always be easy. hasnt always been easy, some days he drives me nuts and we have had some trying times but hes my best friend and 4 years into marriage and 9 into the relationship the loves still growing and feels like being wrapped in a warm blanket.

Ilovekittyelise · 12/12/2013 07:04

curious to know what tim minchin said?

sanityawol · 12/12/2013 07:08

Try the link - it's a song he wrote about his wife... "If I didn't have you"

goodtimesinbontemps · 12/12/2013 07:16

I would say I was about 95% sure in that I was in love and wanted to be with him but fretted a lot as to how could I know I would still feel the same in ten years time? Tbf I am the sort of person who is never 100% about anything, I always have the 'what ifs'.
Anyway we will be 18 yrs married next May and still in love Grin

dancelikenooneiswatching · 12/12/2013 07:26

I wasn't at all sure. I was just 20. We've had our ups and downs, nothing major, just life's irritations, but we both know that life isn't always greener on the other side of the fence and we've stuck it out together. We celebrate our ruby anniversary (40th) next year.

sydlexic · 12/12/2013 07:55

I gave it 6 weeks. 35 years later I'm still here, just.

CinnamonPorridge · 12/12/2013 08:00

Quite sure. I think I knew we would have the same idea about our life together, even though we are very very different personalities.

I think people don't change that much, it's just difficult to be a good judge of character when you are young and haven't got much life experience.

I met dh when I was 16. Got together at 19, married at 24. 3 children and 16 years later (including quite some crap that life threw at us) we are still happy together. The love/attraction has never faded, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

But I don't believe in fate or soul mates, life is far too random. I believe in commitments and the will to make it work.

HerdyHerdwick · 12/12/2013 09:05

I was absolutely sure.
Had pre wedding nerves but that was about the actual wedding itself -not the prospect of being married to him.
I'd been more passionately in love with two previous partners but dismissed that as juvenile and was convinced that I was now feeling love that was more grown up. Huge mistake.
Divorced 20 years later, although I waited about 18 years too long!

blueshoes · 12/12/2013 10:06

I would echo what BackforGood said and use the word "natural".

He was the only one who ticked all the boxes for a marriage partner and I had various relationships with other men prior so I know what I was looking for.

11 years on, it is still the right choice, which he also confirmed to me a few days ago in an unguarded moment. Smile

MinesAPintOfTea · 12/12/2013 10:13

Another who meet at 16, got together at19, married at 23. The couple of Weeks before I was all doubts, 4 years on i'm happy.

YomAsalYomBasal · 12/12/2013 10:34

Absolutely, definitely sure. We are now divorced. DH number two - had major doubts but possibly due to actions of DH1. Still going strong 4DCs later!

milk · 12/12/2013 10:40

Not at all. Thought it would be fun.

ZombieMojaveWonderer · 12/12/2013 10:47

First marriage - Not sure at all. I felt I had to go through with it because I didn't want to let anyone down.
Second marriage - 100% certain it's what we both wanted. 4 years in and it's been fantastic and we couldn't be happier. I guess second time around you make a better choice

DownstairsMixUp · 12/12/2013 11:25

First time? Not at all. Married 2008, divorced by 2010. Due to be married in June 2015. I feel sure of this one.

ninilegsintheair · 12/12/2013 11:25

Thought I was sure until he publicly humilated me the weekend before the wedding. I was furious and upset but too afraid to cancel at the last minute.

We he tried to strangle me 2 months into our marriage I wish I'd followed my gut instinct.

Various major downs with no ups and 4 years later I'm still here but trying to get myself and DD out. We've been together 10 years, waste of almost half my life.

ninilegsintheair · 12/12/2013 11:26

*when not we

helzapoppin2 · 12/12/2013 11:29

Not sure. Strange thoughts that I would meet THE ONE next week.
Been married 31 years. No regrets at all.

Kikithecat · 12/12/2013 11:29

Not really certain but thought "this is probably the best thing to do, on balance"?

This one the first time. Bad move, I had to separate eventually and felt so guilty.

2nd time 100%. 15 years married. Still happy.

But going by other reply and friends' experiences "100% sure" often means nothing a few years later.

theDudesmummy · 12/12/2013 11:31

First time (age 23) very sure.
Divorced after 17 difficult years.

Second time (age 40), wary but hopeful.
Still together after 10 years through thick and thin (plenty of thin to tell the truth) and going strong.

stickysausages · 12/12/2013 11:32

100%, never had a single doubt. I'd have married him after 3 weeks! But he waited 3 months to propose Wink

Been together 10 years now, still sure this is my forever Grin

My mum knew the night before marrying my dad that she was "making the biggest mistake of her life" but went through with it, because she didn't want to cause a fuss, had a shitty time & eventually divorced.

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