Aargh have I blown it by having sex on first date?

[Laurel1979]

I would really appreciate some impartial advice......

I've been single for 6 years and have an 8 year old DD. I met a lovely guy online recently and after texting for 2 weeks we arranged to go out for a meal. He's the same age as me but has no DC. We had chatted a lot on the phone before meeting and we seemed to have a lot in common, etc. There was a lot of sexual chemistry on the phone, but we agreed we both liked each other and on the first date would only kiss. We went out at the weekend there and immediately hit it off. I really like him and had a good feeling about him straight away. But...... after dinner he left me home and we ended up having sex (it was amazing sorry TMI... but definitely not typical awkward first sex). In the middle of it we both said we shouldn't be doing this but in the end couldn't keep our hands off each other. Wen he left he texted me saying what a great night he had, and yesterday he texted 3 times, just things like "good morning xx" etc.

But today - I've had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach all day, worrying he'll think I was too easy and that we've blown it - then tonight he texted apologising for what happened, said it was fantastic but not like him at all and he didn't want "anything too heavy too quick." I texted back agreeing and said I knew we shouldn't have done it so soon, and that I hoped we hadn't ruined things. He replied no, but just didn't want anything too heavy. I jokingly texted back that we should start again and next time meet somewhere neutral and have kiss on cheek only, he agreed. Prior to meeting we had talked about going to Christmas market some day, so I suggested that we do that this weekend (he'd asked me last week about it but until today I hadn't been able to get a babysitter). S he texted back, saying he would like to but "needs to get out of a sport thing" he has on Sunday but he would definitely know on Thursday. I said no problem just let me know, he said he will. I'd say this is genuine as he is in the local sports club where he lives and helps run events.

Sorry this is so long but I'd be so grateful for your opinions as to whether I've ruined things!! Many thanks in advance.

Thanks for all the replies.... Really struggling not to look at my phone, I guess I'll know if I don't hear from him by Thurs but its painful not to keep checking for messages. Really wish I hadn't fallen for him!

It doesn't matter if you look at your phone.

Nobody will know (even us :o)

But it DOES matter that you are waiting, desperately hoping that he'll agree to go out with you.

THAT's heavy - it's just desperation.

You can't have fallen for this guy - you JUST met him.

Spend the time between now and Thursday thinking about why place such a low value on yourself that you are DESPERATE for positive feedback from a man you don't know and who has already told you that he's not that interested.

He got what he wanted, he has moved on :(

but at least you never wasted toomuch time on him

and you enjoyed the sex....

Join is right - you haven't fallen for him, you don't know him yet. You've fallen for a fantasy, of what might be/could be with him, which you don't even know is going to happen yet. Slow down!

sorry but you should have heard from him by now. at best he's thinking it all over, and isn't sure about you and him becoming an item.

at worst, i don't think you'll be getting any more texts. I know that's harsh, but it sounds as though he's ducking out of getting to know you further.

If it were me, and i do make alot of mistakes, I'd clarify what he meant by heavy. I'd ask if having met you, he is not wanting a relationship with you.

Saying about xmas markets and holidays is ridiculous when at that stage you'd not met. He was probably feeling hopeful for a ltr, but he might not really want one.
Plus and no offence to you, it's the sort of thing we all envisage and you may have got your hopes up too soon.

and no you've not blown it, sex is natural and quite normal to want and carry through when you are attracted to someone. You both did the deed.

Aargh I know you guys are right, but I just can't think logically about it! I guess because until he started weirding out on me yesterday everything else seemed perfect.... Thank goodness Im working this afternoon to take my mind off it all! This day is really dragging in!

Join I totally agree.

Text him and say that your sorry but you won't be free this weekend as you have plans with a friend. Then watch him back pedal. He will be phoning you saying that he has managed to arrange things so he is off etc but you must not capitulate. You must day your ever so sorry but as he couldn't make definat plans that something else came up. He needs to know that you are a busy woman with a busy social life and its hard ti fit him in. Then be busy if he suggests Sunday. He has to work for it .

Sorry for typos...using phone

No! don't text him! just sit tight and see what he does or even delete his number and that way you won't feel tempted. Why not just set your own boundary eg if he's contacted you by thursday midday see him and if it's after that just say pleasantly that you've made other plans. That's what I'd do.

If he's not interested enough then he's not the man for you. But in any case you don't know him yet so don't rush into thinking he is right for you anyway - he may well not be

I don't believe in these 'rules' - why shouldn't two unattached adults have sex if they're attracted to each other and they both want to? It's only a problem if you attach more meaning to it than that.

If he doesn't want a serious relationship with you, then that's just the way it is, I doubt you not sleeping with him would have made any difference to that.

OP, read everything on this site! It's great, really helped me change my mindset. www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/category/dating-advice/

There's no way I'd not text, after having been in regular contact by text and on phone.

I'd get in there first actually, rather than sit about. If op accepts it's ok for him to just text on thursday, (and he might and she could well take him up on the offer of weekend date) and replies nicely after 3 days of nothing, then it tells him it's ok to drop off the face of the planet after sleeping together.

That's just me.

Milly I like the sound of that!!! Although have promised myself that I won't text him before he contacts me....

Click "Previous posts" to see more as well and just go by the titles - there are a few on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc pages which are good too.

This is the one I was thinking of!

Dating is a discovery phase

Yes please text him and say you can't do this weekend!
I don't understand why you shouldn't be getting a good morning text now?

Ephiny These Rules are to weed out the men who could potentially hurt us and build self esteem. With regards to dating some men go running scared when a woman seems to be making plans. They like it when a woman is busy and has a life and doesn't appear to "need" them. Even good men respond like this even if they are not conciously aware if it.

Seriously, why would you even want to go out with now when you're so tied up in knots because he's blown cold on you?

He's gone from loads of contact to jack shit and you're still waiting around to see if he deigns to contact you?

No. Just, no.

Don't just say you have plans. MAKE plans. Forever.

She is not getting a good morning text because she dared to try and make plans. He got scared and has gone cold. So she needs to turn the tables by texting him NOW before he cancels on her!

That is a text to say in the nicest way that she is sorry but has now made other plans for this weekend.

I would have been freaked out by someone talking about going on holiday before we had met!
Never mind anything else. He sounds a bit desperate!

"I guess because until he started weirding out on me yesterday everything else seemed perfect"

What "everything" was there to seem perfect?

This is a man you have met ONCE - he's basically a stranger.

You don't need to TELL HIM you have made other plans.

Just MAKE THEM.

Live your life.

And stop waiting around for some man you just met to decide whether he is available to see you on Saturday.

Really, there are not enough weekends to waste one of them because you were waiting around for some bloke to decide something.

Live YOUR life.

Laurel if you wait for him to text you he it will be to say he is busy. If you want to change this you have to text him to say that you have other plans then if he wants to see you again he will definitely be making plans with you without keeping you waiting. As it is you ste sitting around waiting for him to hurt you.