Let dh go out or not?

[Edenviolet]

Dh wants to go to a stag party. I don't want him to go because

1. We have four dcs and I will struggle to look after them all myself all evening/ night. They have health issues and youngest still bf.

1. I get really jealous and hate the thought of dh drunk which he will be, out all night etc

1. It's same day as ds party so will be a hectic day anyway.

How do i approach this and not cause an argument?

Yes the mobility rate is not that high. No op you do not need to justify yourself but you should be able to spend your dc dla purely on their needs. If you ate not able to do this your dh needs to sort things out so you can.

It was nearest job he could get, prior to that he was nearly two hours away so much better now.

It always strikes me that if you flicked off and failed to parent your DC, you'd be arrested and charged with neglect. But somehow these creatures we call men manage to swing it so they can abdicate all parenting and get away Scott free.

This.

Also rather than having a car loan would you not be much better off having a mobility car?

OP, Would you be able to take driving lessons? I know it is expensive to begin with, but would this help you long term?

Everything seems to revolve around your DH, he needs the car so you can't get a motability car which would benefit your DC. He needs to pay off his MIL, so money goes on that. He needs £778 a month to keep the car on the road, so he gets that. He wants a 10 day holiday, so he goes off on one. He wants to go to a stag do, so you doubt yourself as to whether he should go.

What about you and your DC OP? What does your DH enable you to do?

Practically, driving lessons might be impossible - who would mind DD2 and DS2?

OP would of course

Whereabouts do you live Hedgehog?; this thread has made me so sad. Have you really got no one, a friend, neighbour, someone from a church who could come round and at least hold the baby or bath your children or do something to help you? I live in a fairly close knit community and would hate to think of a family going through this without being able to ask someone for help. I appreciate that an unexperienced person couldn't do the injections or anything like that but surely there is someone who would be willing to do your washing up/ironing - just something to help you a little? Can you afford to pay a teenager a few quid to help you out if you really have no one?

Ooh yes. Let's just magic up childcare for driving lessons.
Care rates on the DLA are wrong, too.

Yes but the other way round care is £79.15 not £74 but it's irrelevant really. Op have you asked for a disabled child assessment so you can can direct payments? Or is that how you qualified for respite?

I apologise, I was £27 (approx) out with my calculations. OP and her DH would get £27 less than my original figures (give or take a few pence).

That's neither here nor there though when OP's DH is benefiting from a large proportion of the money that is earmarked for the DC, to improve their lives. So far, I have seen plenty of posts by OP detailing how it improves her DH's life, but only her DH's.

LMS - plus you have one child too many on your calculations. DS2 doesn't qualify for anything because he's not yet 3.

Yep no surprise that some of the more twatty posters faded away in to nothing when you started listing your dc illnesses and why you fucking need DH help!

OP seems you got a bit of a hammering at the beginning but at last some nice people came on.

You sound like you need a bloody break! I would have told DH to piss off over his holiday. hanky is right!

ginwitch are you asking for ops bank statement?

Unless it's enough to employ a full time special needs nanny as well as funding equipment and increased utilities along with hospital transport then it's all a bit fucking irrelevant, isn't it?

As well as being absolutely none of your business?

The issue is the H. He's really not D.

Well I did think that if her DH has time to go off on 10 day holidays and to stag do's, maybe OP could take driving lessons when her DH returned from work??
Is that really such an absurd thought? That your husband and the father of your DC, the same DC you are looking after all day, every day, might just look after the DC while you took 1 hour out??

OP is not a single parent.

Tinkertaylor

Don't be ridiculous that was in response to Little miss. Read my other responses please.

Have you RTFT?

The whole issue is that he's NOT stepping up and he's REFUSING respite as he is being controlling over medical care.

CinnabarRed*

All of the DC are in receipt of DLA. The youngest only gets the care component, not the mobility.

As the OP said herself, "2 of dcs get high rate for both parts dd1 gets low for both ( used to get middle and high but they renewed said no dla at all we appealed and got lower awarded but in my opinion its wrong as in the morning alone its over an hour to get her up etc physio, pain, fainting) baby gets care but no mobility till he's three."

And if this is none of anyone's business, why is it on a public forum?

Gin witch was being sarcastic.

No, not in theory unreasonable to ask a husband to care for his children for a hour while his wife takes driving lessons.

How likely do you think it is here?

Hopefully it's not an absurd thought LMS, I think people are worried that as OP considers a measly one hour break a week a bit of a luxury, that her H may not be giving her any time off throughout the rest of the week.. Sorry OP, I may be extrapolating unfairly abut your H, would this be something he would do for you?

OP, a friend has some health issues and no car, and occasionally uses the patient transport scheme, it's free and run by volunteers (I think) but they use it to get to far away hospital appointments. Is anything like that available in your area? Apologies if it's something you've already looked into, just trying to think of anything that could help you right now.

the child under three still gets the higher rate care but doesn't get the mobility as they're under three.

it is a fuck load of money and the paying for a specially expensive car that the children don't get the use of anyway whilst still paying loads on taxis is more diversion of their money.

a grand a week actually is enough to hire a carer and then some. as for the rent and stuff that's not additional costs but life and the dh is bringing in a full time salary.

i think you need some help with finances OP - maybe CAB could help because realistically the amount of money coming should be enough for you to have some serious help.

Because of fucking idiots who believe they have 'the right to know'. Or who volunteer incorrect information as truth. Who feel superior sneering over others' 'lifestyle choices' - believe me neither the OP or I chose this life.

People who have no fucking idea. Picking. Judging.

And repeatedly ignoring the issue that there is a parent in distress here crying out for help. But no, they have to kick them whilst they are flown.

Disgusting.

Will you fuck off with the financial shit already?

It's not the issue.

apologies ginwitch I'm just astounded by some of the responses on here I started skimming

I'm guessing littlemiss is a benefits advisor or accountant.

Maybe PM OP with an appointment. A private one?