Let dh go out or not?

[Edenviolet]

Dh wants to go to a stag party. I don't want him to go because

1. We have four dcs and I will struggle to look after them all myself all evening/ night. They have health issues and youngest still bf.

1. I get really jealous and hate the thought of dh drunk which he will be, out all night etc

1. It's same day as ds party so will be a hectic day anyway.

How do i approach this and not cause an argument?

i am likely to get slated for this but if all your children have health issues that you can't cope with for one night when his sister is getting married why the hell have you carried on having more children?

it'd be a miserable life if no one could ever go out again and even a siblings wedding wasn't reason enough to be 'allowed' to go out for one night.

i'm afraid i'd be unlikely to stay married to someone who thought they could refuse to let me go out ever. sounds like there is enough stress and strain in your life to manage a relationship through without adding to the burden by expecting your issues to dictate someone's life. your issues are yours to deal with - not someone else's to pander to.

He went on a 10 day holiday in August which made my life a living hell so tbh I think he's had his share of going out this year especially as I never get to!

Jealousy aside, I really need his help with dcs.

We didn't know at first they would have a genetic problem. When dd2 got ill the baby was 7 months old. We couldn't have foreseen it.

Eh? Is he 10? Let him go out? I'd be adios amigio if Dh was trying to decide wether to let me out or not.

We will all be going to the wedding in a couple of weeks as a family.

OP while I sympathise to a certain degree...what with the kids and their troubles, and the fact that you missed out on the hen night (although why didn't you go out later when the kids were in bed?).

However, you write as though you expect that he should never go out, and that's unreasonable as hell!

You make your relationship sound like a prison!

hedgehog continue like this and you really might as well either kiss your marriage goodbye or kiss goodbye to any chance of respect and genuine affection for one another.

I would hate to never be 'allowed' out. I think he should go.

Long term you need to teach someone else to do meds - you can't just both be chained to the kids.

OP isn't saying he any do anything, just that right now while she is BF and looking after tiny kids she needs help and she needs her partner on board.

Think it's a bit of a low blow re their health issues to be honest. They are infant children and it's hard at the best if times.

Can't not any

Do you never "let" him out, then, on the grounds that you can't look after your children by yourself? What happens when he's at work?

It's one night. You will cope.

OP you were expecting him to cope when you went on the hen so why is it UR for him to expect you to do the same?

You don't have to justify your reasons for having more children Hedgehog, I think that comment was quite unnecessary.

You cant make him stay in, you can ask for his support and hope he understands.

Have you always been jealous or has the situation with the DC triggered this problem? Its hard not to feel jealous or insecure when you are living breathing food/comfort/play/healthcare machine especially if you feel you are being hard done by on the support front.

Im sorry your DC have health issues, that must be incredibly hard for you both. Do you have a friend/sister/IL that could assist for the night? what about the stags WTB?

I wouldn't be too happy if DH said because I'd been on holiday, he wasn't going to 'let' me go out again for the rest of the year

Why do you never get to go out, OP?

Surely both of you need to have a break and some leisure time occasionally? That's not unreasonable.

You have to learn to cope by yourself. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you do. A few could happen which might take your dh away from home. Work or a hospital stay for example. You can't just fold because he's not there!

He went on a 10 day holiday OP has had no respite by the sounds of it. Please correct me if I'm wrong!

I agree he is a grown up and doesn't need permission but they're are team right now well should be and she is having a hard time clearly. Nothing wrong with going but OP needs support it seems and he wants to go out and have fun so he needs to make sure she can manage with the children so they have the care they need. To me OP has made it clear the Holsteins medical needs come first here.

A few things* could happen.

Holsteins? Children. Not even a predictive text word I've ever needed!

You can't really do anything about jealousy. It's not something that can be repressed and hope it goes away. Recently, my mates or cousins have had stag do's or 40th's and I've not been "allowed" on any of them.
It's just not worth the mither.

It's not that he is never allowed out, he had a holiday, he goes fishing very occasionally. I just really don't want him going to this stag party.

Not one member of either of our families will agree to learn how to help with dcs treatments so we are a bit stuck.

Mostly because of the bf I can't go out currently.

If you're the poster I think you are, then isn't it true that it's your DH who refuses to let anyone else deal with your DD's injections? Despite you begging for respite help? If so, then I think he has to reap what he's sown tonight.

Longer term, this can't go on.

From what you've posted previously, your DCs health issues aren't being managed well enough. I understand that they are chronic, but you have to (as a family) find ways to deal with the diabetes, HMS, allergies, etc because at the moment you are all if you wound so tight that something will snap. It's not a life, it's an existence.

You sound very immature.

A relationship shouldn't be about letting or not letting your partner go out. How stifling. It sounds like you want him shackled to you. It's just not healthy.

It is a one evening family stag affair. He didn't organise it. but he should be able to go and support the groom if he would like to.

You would be very unreasonable to keep making it difficult for him to go.

he's been on holiday and he goes fishing very occasionally are you aware of how you sound?