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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

The dating thread 66

999 replies

LividofLondon · 02/12/2013 16:43

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

OP posts:

Poffedoff · 10/12/2013 09:13

Just realised I asked Hormonal a question aimed at Queen!

Good to hear all is rosy with tall guy though Hormonal.. We should both have " I am the prize" scrawled in lipstick on our mirrors I reckon

Queenofthedrivensnow · 10/12/2013 09:36

This was where the immaturity came from - because I told him dc1 liked him then was all oh that's because I'm amaZing blah blah .though now I am rational maybe he was trying to be lighthearted because I was so anxious. I seemed to be stuck in this mental cycle of being happy about him then anxious then v negative then happy again. I think it's me - he is much more on a level and doesn't question much. He is good for me but also infuriating. Actually I think I am trying to sabotage because that's my way of self preservation. This is hard

Poffedoff · 10/12/2013 11:53

I hear ya Queen

I want this to work out with pof guy so much but I doubt I'm giving that impression tbh... So afraid to let the guard down too much incase he disappears on me..

Stupidhead · 10/12/2013 15:33

Ladies! Stop worrying about what might happen, I know as I always used to do it myself! Just enjoy the ride for now and relax.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 10/12/2013 18:38

Poffed - yeh exactly that and it's making me a bit mental though had a lovely chat with him this am and don't feel anxious today

Hormonalhell · 10/12/2013 20:43

I'm trying very hard to enjoy the ride

Hormonalhell · 10/12/2013 20:44

I'm trying very hard to enjoy the ride Stupidhead

Hormonalhell · 10/12/2013 20:54

I'm trying very hard to enjoy the ride Stupidhead

Hormonalhell · 10/12/2013 20:55

Ooops not sure what happened there!

girliefriend · 10/12/2013 21:57

Are you enjoying the ride Hormonal ?

Well I have date 4 tomos, slightly nervous but also looking forward to seeing him. I seem to be saying 'we will see.....' rather a lot at the mo

Hormonalhell · 10/12/2013 22:00

Sure am Girliefriend, is it obvious?

dontcallmehon · 11/12/2013 06:44

Sounds like you are enjoying the ride,hormonal
Good luck with the date girlie. It's all exciting but nerve racking too.

get to see geeky tonight. So excited!

Stupidhead · 11/12/2013 08:05

I must wake up, I read that as you have four dates tomorrow girlie!

PyjamaDayToday · 11/12/2013 09:44

Here they are:

The Rules:

Develop a thick skin
Do not invest emotionally too soon
It's all BS until it actually happens
Trust your gut instinct
People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
If it's not fun, stop
Loo update is mandatory

I had second date with Mr Okay yesterday - nice dinner. He's still just okay. He's got a decent house, good job, goes on nice holidays, not weird, but seems not to have done much with his life. Have I? Think he's friend material only.

Biker boy seems to have gone quiet in lead up to planned first date which was supposed to be tomorrow. Not that fussed really. I'm never excited by any them

Takingnoprisoners · 11/12/2013 10:06

Hi I have got a date on Saturday! Really like him from his profile and messages, he lives nearby and think we will have lots to talk about even if there is no chemistry.
Just one thing about the rules that I can't quite get to grips with is the bit about being the prize, if we are all the prize then who is going to be the one trying to win a prize?!
I think we all have something to bring to a relationship and we need to treat ourselves and others with respect but I don't think I am a prize to be won.....
Prob me over analysing it and do know that is something I have a tendency to do so will go back to the rule if its not fun then stop, that one works for me :-)

FolkGirl · 11/12/2013 10:54

Taking the "You are the prize" is about your attitude towards yourself. Not being the one doing the running, making the allowances, making the excuses and doing the forgiving. It's more about you viewing yourself as a prize, rather than expecting the man to. That's how I understand it anyway!

It's because there are a lot of men doing OD who aren't looking for The One and aren't looking for a mutually respectful long term relationship, by viewing yourself, not as a prize to be one, but as something special to be cherished, you are less likely to find yourself with one of these men.

I'm not a prize to be won, no, but I do want someone to show that they are interested in me by making an effort.

FolkGirl · 11/12/2013 11:00

won not one, obviously

Sidge · 11/12/2013 11:59

Hello everyone!

Well I have a date on Friday morning - coffee/brunch with Olderman. And then I have another date next Thursday evening - dinner with Toyboyman.

I'm quite excited about meeting both, they seem polar opposites of each other so it should be interesting! I'm still checking the sites (I'm on Match and eHarmony) and seem to get no response from the guys I've contacted that I like the look of, but lots of interest from guys that don't appeal to me but I guess that's the nature of the game.

Taking hurray for your date! Hope it goes well. I interpret the 'prize' thing as meaning I am special, I am worth making an effort for. A man needs to make an effort to win the prize (ie me) and not expect it to just fall into his lap. I agree it works both ways and I would also be expected to make an effort.

Hormonal you enjoy that ride LOL

Queen glad to hear it's going well!

girlie hope all goes well for date #4 today.

I'll update Friday if anyone's interested

KittiKat · 11/12/2013 12:41

Hello! Can I join you all please. I am having some fun and games in the online dating department.

I was very pleased to read the "Rules", I think I am going to print them off and stick them on my fridge!!

I have had 3 dates, quite spaced apart, with the same guy over the past 5 weeks. Last time he came to my house, had dinner, stayed the night. All good. But, I have not heard from him in quite a while and I have been really suffering emotionally but thanks to some ladies on here yesterday, I have taken a deep breath, will wait to see if I hear from him again and if not, take the attitude "Your loss not mine".

Only good think to have come out of this OD so far is that I have lost nearly half a stone and will continue to make sure the other two stone follow suit asap. That way, I will feel good about myself come what may.

FolkGirl · 11/12/2013 12:53

Hello.

I have something to ask you all on here. I didn't want to start a new thread because I don't want to ask the entire world, just those of us who venture onto here.

If that's ok... :)

I don't sleep in my bedroom. I haven't for a very long time. When I was pregnant, 7 years ago, I started sleeping on the sofa because I was just so hot and uncomfortable and I didn't sleep well. When DD was born, I continued to sleep on the sofa for convenience and not to disturb my stbxh when he was getting up for work early. Besides, I still didn't sleep well anyway.

Because my stbxh snored very badly, I just continued to sleep on the sofa. It suited me and my insomnia to have the downstairs daytime world available to me in the middle of the night and for him to have the bedroom.

We separated last year and I still sleep on the sofa. I don't really venture in the bedroom. I store the clean laundry in there before I put it away, the bed is broken and I haven't replaced it because I don't sleep up there! I haven't had a relationship since and so it's not been an issue. The room needs decorating and has done for years. It's tired and dated and not very nice. Basically it needs a good clear out (old furniture and stbxh's stuff he hasn't taken yet), a good clean, a lick of paint and a new bed. It doesn't feel like my bedroom. The rest of the house is fine/nice but my bedroom is like the room that the world forgot. Because no one ever goes in there.

My stbxh didn't want to 'waste' money on making a house a home (not as important as comics and film memorabilia you see...) and so since he went, I've been slowing decorating and getting the house as I want it.

If you met someone and this was their set up, would it put you off them? I don't really have the time or money to sort it out at the moment, but I do want to. I just haven't yet.

It means that if I had someone to stop over at the moment, it would be an airbed on the living room floor with candles, the Christmas tree, mulled wine and a movie

Could that be romantic, or would I just look like a loon?!

please be kind!!!

FolkGirl · 11/12/2013 12:54

This is relevant to the dating thread, because there is a man who may well be coming to stay this weekend, but I have just realised that this is my situation!

dontcallmehon · 11/12/2013 12:58

Folk girl, I sleep on my sofa. When geeky comes over, we do sleep in my bed - but my stair carpet has a hole in it, my curtains need more hoops to hang properly and the room needs painting. Geeky is neat and meticulous. He thinks I'm so amazing that he doesn't seem to care!

Jarlin · 11/12/2013 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittiKat · 11/12/2013 13:04

I think it won't matter. If someone is coming over this weekend and you intend to have sex, he won't be bothered one way or the other. Just tell him you are in the middle of decorating and leave it like that. You could just mention in passing that you hope to have it finished early in the new year that way he won't think you want to live like that permanently.

One thing that did make me sad was that you said "It doesn't feel like my bedroom". I think, if you are up for it, especially if this weekend goes well, start sorting that room out. Get stbxh to come and remove his stuff over the Christmas/New Year period and have a look on Ebay for a nice double bed that you like. Sheets and stuff can follow (talking Matalan so not lots of money). I think if you made the bedroom your own you would feel so much better about it.

FolkGirl · 11/12/2013 13:17

Thanks Dont and Kitti. So Geeky doesn't see the holey carpet and the wonky curtains then... That's reassuring!

Yes, that's true, perhaps if I dismantle the bed (it's metal framed) then I can leave it out for the rag and bone men, which will get rid of it for a start, and tell him I'm decorating, then that's a very valid reason for not sleeping in the bedroom!

I think you're right kitti. My bedroom, and getting rid of my ex's stuff, needs to be my project for the new year.

Perhaps I can sell the sleeping downstairs on the living room floor as an adventure... Just this once!

It's just a massive deal for me having someone in the house, let alone a man staying over! I have friends with whom I've been on holiday and they haven't been into my house. It really is my safe place! But apart from the bedroom situation, I feel quite comfortable about this :)

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