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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

The dating thread 66

999 replies

LividofLondon · 02/12/2013 16:43

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

OP posts:

Poffedoff · 09/12/2013 10:50

Hey Powpow

Enjoy the break... It's a good time of year to try meeting men the old fashioned way

Poffedoff · 09/12/2013 10:53

Welcome Thenew... Have you tried od before or is this your first experience? The rules are posted somewhere in the thread, well worth a look, they'll help steer you through the ups and downs of the madness

Aknowinggrin · 09/12/2013 11:07

pow perfect time of the year to meet someone the old fashioned way …. just carry some mistletoe with you at all time ;-)
gaga really happy everything in life is going well for you, it's a fantastic place to be
poff Re Christmas presents I would go small and jokey; something personal to him but of a low value, which will make him smile. It is a minefield I agree….
hormonal very very jealous …. ;-)
don't being attached already such a dangerous thing but then again there's so much pleasure to gain from it that it makes it all worth it, enjoy every second!!

About me … well, I think I have come across a very rare specimen … an OD virgin!! This guy (he races bikes so let's call him Bikeguy ;-)) has only been online dating for two weeks (separated three years ago, have had rl relationships since then), I'll be his first online date (in two weeks as schedules/kids conflicting); very nice, seems honest and he's very attractive too. Slightly worried by the sweet trolley syndrome kicking in but it's really refreshing chatting to someone not jaded by the whole od thing, tried and tested chat up lines etc etc

Aknowinggrin · 09/12/2013 11:09

Thinking I should send The Rules to bikeguy ..... adding an extra one: you shall find aknowinggrin extremely attractive and compliment her at every opportunity

superdooperpenguin · 09/12/2013 13:07

Queen - good luck, it's a big step introducing the DCs and I hope it goes well for you.

Pow - I'm with you on the sofa, I think the break from OD has actually made me happier.

Aknowing - hope it goes well! And of course he will find you completely attractive, if he doesn't then he's clearly a mentalist.

One of my friends is on POF, just found out a guy I had a fling with earlier this year has messaged her - he's 41 and average, she's 29 and stunning - a bit overly confident on his part! She replied telling him he was too old

CynicalOptimist · 09/12/2013 13:17

Can I just vent a little?
I'm just feeling a little disappointed just now and feel the need to share.

I've been e-mailing/texting a really lovely guy for a few weeks now and I finally got the chance to meet him yesterday(sunday) for coffee and he was really great! We spoke for ages and the conversation was so easy and I just had a great time, neither of us wanted to go but he had to get home - we even made arrangements to meet again this week.
So what's the problem?

Well, I asked him how long he had been single for and he told me he had been widowed 10 months ago. My first thoughts were that's not long at all. I asked him if he was really ready to meet someone else and he said he had given it alot of thought and yes, he felt he was ready to meet someone new.

I know I shouldn't but I did a bit of cyber stalking today and found his FB profile. His profile pic is on old one of him and his wife and he puts "X in my thoughts and in my heart for now and forever" this was just a week ago he added this.

I knowo it's just very, very early days- but he's definately not ready to date again is he?

Aknowinggrin · 09/12/2013 13:33

cynical I would let him down gently but would run a mile as fast as I could ... definitely not ready to date imo.......

Stupidhead · 09/12/2013 13:39

That's a tough one. I think I'd have to walk away too, I was messaged by a widower ages ago and he seemed lovely BUT I had a mild panic at never being able to live up to a memory iykwim so didn't take it any further.

I know men can move on quicker after a bereavement but not sure it's for me and 10 months is a short time. I think you'd face quite a lot of resentment from family members if it got serious or even semi serious.

If I were you I'd talk to him about this and your fears, if only to use it as a get out clause.

CynicalOptimist · 09/12/2013 14:31

Thanks Aknowingron and Stupidhead for your replies.

I know what you say is 100% correct.
I've been single for a long time and it woulkd be a shame to get involved with someone where I always felt 2nd best.

Back to the drawing board then............

Sidge · 09/12/2013 14:37

Cynical that's a tough one.

If his wife had been ill for a long time, then potentially he could now feel bereaved for longer than the time since she died IYKWIM. I'm a nurse and have heard this from widows/widowers before. Even though they love their spouse until the end and beyond, mentally they've said goodbye long before the death.

Re the FB status - again I'm speculating as I don't know him but maybe he's just remembering her and is ready to date, albeit taking things slowly?

I think the best thing is to spend more time with him and talking about it to gauge where his feelings lie. Don't let it be the elephant in the room but sensitively explore if he is REALLY ready for a new relationship.

Good luck

CynicalOptimist · 09/12/2013 14:51

Thanks for your reply Sidge but, and I know this makes me sound awful, I looked online and found out she died very suddenly and very unexpectedly.

I can't say too much more in fear of being recognised but I can't help thinking if that were me I would still be in shock.....

Hormonalhell · 09/12/2013 14:51

Ha ha that's funny Super, his brave is he? Ha ha

Gaga yes I think if you have something else exciting going on then OD becomes less stressful. You'll feel lovely and fresh and open to meeting a great guy in new year

Poffed I think if I'm with Tallyguy I'll just buy him some aftershave. One I like

Hormonalhell · 09/12/2013 14:52

Aknowing yes that good idea for biker guy!! He sounds nice, fx for you!

Aknowinggrin · 09/12/2013 18:19

Thanks Hormonal .......

a bit annoyed tbh, have been chatting for hours during the past few days; last night we agreed to meet up in two weeks (conflicting schedules) and since then .... nothing. I started the conversation yesterday. Do I message first a bit later if I haven't heard from him? I don't want to appear too keen but don't want this to be the pattern for the next two weeks (i.e. radio silence until we meet up) as two weeks is such a long time......advice please!

Sidge · 09/12/2013 18:39

Ah Cynical then that does put a different spin on things. I would be wary then!

Hormonalhell · 09/12/2013 18:40

I would, just send a friendly one. That's what I do. Guys don't appear to want to chat as we do I've found

Aknowinggrin · 09/12/2013 18:44

Thank you, that's what I'll do

Queenofthedrivensnow · 09/12/2013 20:02

Evening...
So gap yah met the dc today. It was fine, they were all fine. Dd1 got on quite well with him. No dramas whatsoever until later in the day he was texting me and really wound me up being v big headed and juvenile. I am about it because he knew meeting dc wS a big deal for me.

TheNewSchmoo · 09/12/2013 20:12

Poffed - new to it and more than a little cynical. ....... link to the rules would be great! A bit worried that I am probably too thin skinned for the cut-throat world of OD

SweetSeraphim · 09/12/2013 22:00

What do you mean Queen??

Poffedoff · 09/12/2013 22:52

Did he ask what the kids thought of him Hormonal? Did he seem interested to know if they liked him or not? I know if it were me meeting somebody's kids for the first time I'd be pretty anxious about their first impression...

Poffedoff · 09/12/2013 22:54

Maybe somebody with more technical savvy could post the rules? I can't seem to find them on this thread!

Poffedoff · 09/12/2013 23:02

So are things still going swimmingly with tall guy Hormonal?

I'm feeling somewhat calmer about pof guy since spending another night up in his hometown...it was another fun night but less hectic than usual, few drinks after dinner and then home... Just felt very coupley and easy.. Hope this feeling lasts for a while, where I can just chill out and enjoy it instead of constantly waiting for something catastrophic to happen and it all goes tits up!

Montane50 · 09/12/2013 23:39

Hi all, ive posted once previously but have followed this thread for ages. You all seem to be doing pretty ok-ups and downs but isnt that life? I was an OD virgin and registered on Fitness For Singles-i didnt last long they were all numpties! Then POF, i met a fitness instructor with a body to die for-that lasted 4 weeks but he was generally thick/weird/up his own glutes!! So back to it (he actually dumped me by txt but that just confirmed what i thought of him)! Next a dwarf-nothing against him, just the fact he lied about his age and height told me he was a liar lol! A day later arrived yumster! Its weird, i just knew, no games of 'i said goodnight, so he needs to txt goodmorning first' etc, i was married 19 years and had a 'yes man', now i dont! im respected, but if im wrong im told so, i get told to 'calm down woman' and love it! There are good ones out there, just dont flog a dead horse trying to make the other person somthing you want them to be. Meet, decide, accept or move on! Good Luck!

Hormonalhell · 10/12/2013 07:02

Nice of you to post Montane and some good advice.

Poffed, you sound just like me why can't we bloody relax and accept we are the prize !!

Tallguy yes everything going really well, frequent texting, seems to be as into me as I him. Says he's going to cook a meal for me Friday so looking forward to that! Exh couldn't boil an egg!! I do still have it in my mind that good things don't happen to me though. I met his little boy when I stayed at his tho (he's 3) was a bit worried and was going to slip out but Tallguy said it was ok! We got on really well though was lovely

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