The dating thread 66

[LividofLondon]

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

Broken, can I ask you a favour? As pretty much everyone on here seems to think its a really bad idea you staying in touch with this guy when he's upset you in the past, when you've been upset by previous guys doing this, and you just won't listen to any advice, could you agree that if you do sleep with him again and he dumps you, could you not come on here going on about how upset you are?

It's really depressing to see people ignoring advice and hurting themselves like this. Everyone has issues and problems and gets advice, but when someone Just. Won't. Listen it gets a bit pointless

broken listen to softkitty I had this over the summer. This guy would text me furiously for a week or so general chit chat with the odd compliment thrown in. I thought he really liked me but he didn't. He would the disappear for a month and repeat the same pattern and I would get my hopes up again. The third time he did this I decided I would ask to meet him in a friendly way at the place we 1st met. He said he might be there but his work was very busy. Needless to say he didn't show, I felt like a complete idiot and my self esteem imploded. I then blocked him completely out of my life as I knew I wouldn't be able to resist responding to any future messages. Reading many of Bants posts really showed me what this guy was doing. I'm taking a break from online dating as I haven't got a thick enough skin for it, but when I go return I will probably use 'The Rules' to try and avoid it happening again.

We're booking it on Saturday. And hoping to go on the 24th of January.I am so excited.

broken you know you are going to hurt yourself with any more contact with this guy, but I don't know if you are ready to listen to the truth. There are good guys out there and they don't leave you dangling or doubting their intentions.

Text conversations that go nowhere to me are a sign of lack of any real interest. Really, I would ignore this sort of carry on from a guy, believe me I have learned from experience and did enter into meaningless texting with guys from OD, thinking it would lead to getting together for a date, only for it to lead absolutely nowhere. Nonsensical waster of time.
I now would only text chit chat after meeting someone and once sure I was going to see them again.

I'm meeting someone for the first time tomorrow and it's been one telephone conversation and a couple of texts to confirm details, that is perfectly adequate and doesn't give any false sense of knowing the person beforehand...I've got my hopes up in the past with lots of messages and 'oh, we've got this in common and 'wow, you love strong tea and League Of Gentlemen too' sort of build-up and then total chemistry vacuum on meeting.. no thanks.

I suspect a lot reading this are shouting at their "FFS Broken!"

FFS Broken!!

At their screens*

Broken.

Can you actually see these responses? Several people have already told you exactly why he's doing it

Because he wants to fuck you then dump you

That is all

Head/desk

He's said 'let's be friends' so he can be very casual, guilt-free. In my opinion, men don't really want to be friends with women they've met a couple of times via online dating. I don't see what you have to gain here.

Broken He said he won't lead you on. Except he is. 'telling me I must have been a good girl' If that isn't flirty, I don't know what is .

And more to the point, you are putting up with it. I think you need to examine why you're letting him keep you dangling. He's given you a multitude of reasons why it won't work and why he got 'cold feet' - distance, work, just out of a relationship (why the fuck is he OD then? ) - but he then started texting. I think you need to look at exactly why he started texting after giving you all those reasons why it won't work, and more importantly, why you feel the need to keep responding. Do you think he'll suddenly change his mind and want a relationship? Is that what you're hoping for? Are you truly happy just being text friends with him? This road leads only to heartache - yours.

I think what Bant is saying is that his MO seems to be that of leading you on, reeling you in, eventually meeting up again on the pre-text of 'let's meet again and see how it goes', sleeping with you, then never getting in touch again. He's keeping you on the back burner for use at a later date. It's classic 'keep 'em dangling' shit.

Broken hearted it really is frustrating for everyone to see you continually being unhappy because you're not looking after yourself emotionally when it comes to all this.

Wrt the guy that you went on 2 dates with and slept with once - someone like that should not be able to "really hurt you". It should be a shrug and move on. I'm not saying being rejected us fun- obviously after just having someone end things with me after less than 2 months when everything had been going amazingly (afaik) I know it is not a great feeling- but I wouldn't say he's hurt me at all. We hadn't been together long enough for it to really hurt me when it ended. I think this may be some of your problem, investing so quickly in everyone and giving them the ability to hurt you so easily.

So, me...... I'm feeling fine about the break up now, if anything a little sorry for him as he found it very hard to tell me, and seemed to think I would hate him now. Obviously I don't I think he's a great person and appreciate thatched done the right thing, whilst its a real shame from my point of view I'm not angry with him.

So ill be back online soon....I have been thinking about getting back in touch with Dimples. (If anyone remembers, that's the guy I had been on around 4 dates with before I met housemate guy, who I stopped seeing when I thought I liked housemate guy more). He's a lovely guy and I thought it did have real serious potential, just the other guy seemed like more fun. I didn't end things with Dimples in a very definite way....(bitch, I know)....now I feel like maybe I dropped the ball a little there and would be very interested to meet up with him again. He can only say no I guess.... what do people think, is this a really horrible thing to do? Is this very poor dating etiquette?

Broken you are clearly not happy with situation though or why would u ask for advice about it?

Oneday yes I'd go for it, like y say what u got to lose? If he likes you he'll be happy you got in touch again. At least Xmas is good conversation opener

@Broken - I'm new around here as you can see so I don't have all the background but I'd echo what others said re the 'lets be friends guy'. He has laid his cards on the table and now feels ok to text you with casual chitchat safe in the knowledge that he has been frank with you therefore you will not expect anything more from him than this.
Are you hoping the casual texts will lead to more? if so then you will be disappointed. If you are happy with little crumbs of attention and it's meeting your emotional needs, then that is a little worrying in itself that you would go along with some guy being less than interested throwing you the occasional text.
Unless you're not looking for a meaningful relationship and are perfectly ok with it all?

@Oneday - no harm getting back in touch, maybe second time around, if he's still interested, will be the right time.

Also Broken, you ask why someone you only met twice in RL and who says he just wants to be friends would continue texting? boredom, loneliness, wanting someone on the back burner and attention seeking.

I had a guy once who this texting, with the occasional phonecall went on for about about eight months, I hang my head in shame to even admit it. We had tons in common and I held out for the elusive meeting, he was like a Will O the Wisp the whole time, making excuses and when 'pushed' as to when we were going to meet up he would disappear, only to reappear again when enough time had passed to stick his head above the parapet and feel 'safe' to do so.. I came to my senses and now look back with horror at how much time and even emotional energy I invested in this nothingness.

Morning All. Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas.

Jesus broken I am sad to be reading the same old shite again. That guy is keeping you dangling end of. He does not want to be friends. He wants to keep you sweet and someday will text and say he thinks he might be ready for something and wants to meet. Sucking you right back in. Then he'll say he isn't quite ready (more than likely after sex) and trot out the lets be friends bs again.

I think a break from dating is the way forward for you. As you said yourself you are still getting over a bad break up. You need to give yourself some time to rebuild your self esteem and stop wasting time on guys like this. Everyone needs time to be kind to themselves after a break up. It does take time to heal. You need to do this for yourself. Steer clear of dating until you are over the break up.

Broken I really hope 2014 will be a better year for you.

Oneday no harm in sending a text. It can only go one of two ways. You did seem quite interested in him so I hope he is receptive to it.

I hope you've all had a lovely Christmas!

I posted here a couple of weeks ago about a guy I went on a date with who immediately turned out to be really needy - told me he 'liked what he saw' and that 'general first impressions' were good. I told him it was all a bit much & have heard nothing since, apart from one text last well saying 'I assume you're not interested then?'

But. Last Monday I went for coffee with someone else, and...well, it's just been lovely. We'd been taking/texting for a couple of weeks before we met (OD), and whilst we only went for coffee, we also went for dinner and then drinks as well. At one point I looked at my watch and couldn't believe 4 hours had passed! We just clicked very quickly, I've not had such an easy, non pressured, nice time for ages. We hugged at the end and left it with a 'let's do this again after Christmas' type thing - and then we spent 3 days texting/talking & decided we didn't want to wait until after the holidays (I've gone away with family for 2 weeks) and so we saw each other Friday as well. It's just...lovely, it really is & I can't stop smiling. I'm not counting on anything or expecting anything - we kissed on Friday, it was amazing - but after so much crap with my break up earlier this year and since, it's just wonderful to have had a couple of nice dates with someone lovely. I'm feeling very positive - unusual of late, but I like it!

Oh broken you sound really low. I'm sorry you haven't had a good Christmas. When you don't feel good about yourself, I really think you end up a) attracting the wrong sort of unreliable man and b) accepting less than you're worth. You need to work on yourself first and then you'll be ready to meet the amazing person who truly deserves and respects you. I know you feel a bit got at on here sometimes, but it's only because everyone is frustrated that you are accepting less than you deserve.

Oh and hotcross that all sounds v promising!

Had the coffee. A nice guy but no chemistry there for me and though I found him nice looking I didn't fancy him particurarly. He's asked to see me again by text, I haven't replied yet and wonder if I should go for a second date and see? Or is there any point?
Feel quite down now.

Hot cross well done, you give us all hope

H&G maybe them chemistry will grow on you? if not would he be fun to go out with a couple of times just to make sure there is definatley no chemistry? At least you don't think he is unattractive!