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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The dating thread 66

999 replies

LividofLondon · 02/12/2013 16:43

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between Sad

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 19/12/2013 21:36

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Bant · 19/12/2013 23:53

Yes he is, broken

As I said before, it happens all the time. He told you he didn't want to get involved, he put you on the back burner, he got in touch, he'll say some nice things about you, go to bed with you and then turn around and tell you to piss off.

The problem is, you're falling for it here. It's better to be single than try and get a scrap of attention from someone who's going to treat you like shit.

He is in touch with you because he wants a guilt free fuck from you while he's looking for the next score.

Can you not see that?

PyjamaDayToday · 20/12/2013 00:26

broken listen to Bant

brokenhearted55a · 20/12/2013 07:46

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SweetSeraphim · 20/12/2013 08:15

You didn't have sex the first time around.... but he's keeping you in the pending tray.

Hormonalhell · 20/12/2013 08:37

Have you read the book 'he's just not that into you' Broken? It does help believe me

brokenhearted55a · 20/12/2013 08:59

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girliefriend · 20/12/2013 09:44

Hi everyone, meeting smallfeet for lunch today, am starting to lose enthusiasm which isn't good but seems to happen when i haven't seen him for a while. Hopefully will be more sure after lunch!

Broken I don't see any harm in just staying friends as long as you are not emotionally investing into him and fantasying about something that will prob never happen! If you can stay friends and have no expectations that anything further will ever happen then fine. Personally I wouldn't bother but if you want to do this then it's up to you.

I have got myself a copy of he's just not that into you, am enjoying reading it although it is obv very repetitive. However I think I tend to be more like the men in the book than the woman Confused

I have def been guilty of going out with someone just to see, not really being sure, forgetting to answer texts, coming up with rubbish excuses.... God I am actually a man Grin

Sidge · 20/12/2013 10:43

Broken but you met him on a DATING site. I assume you are looking for a relationship? So why would you want to be friends with him?

The way I see it is, I joined OD to find someone to have a relationship with. I have enough friends.

Bant and the others are spot on. OK you didn't sleep with him but he is dangling you on a string. Trust me, I know what that's like. I was seeing a guy for nearly 10 months who was so in to me and then went off the boil - I realised eventually he wanted a casual girlfriend whereas I was hoping for a proper relationship. I won't settle for being someone's "until they find better" and you shouldn't either.

Hormonalhell · 20/12/2013 11:04

Very true Sidge, if u let yourself be used you attract those kind of men. I been there done it too Hmm

brokenhearted55a · 20/12/2013 12:14

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SweetSeraphim · 20/12/2013 12:30

Why do you want to message him then? Confused

Bant · 20/12/2013 14:40

Broken - I'm a bloke. I have the same drives, failings, problems and advantages of other men.

I've met women through dating sites, and in real life who have obviously been looking for a relationship, and I'm entertaining, relatively attractive, interesting and educated, so to some I'm appealing. Some of the women I've met are quite attractive too, and vaguely okay to spend a bit of time with, and in fact some I've remained friends with - although not many as that's always ambiguous.

Some others though - I know I could string them along, keep them on the back burner, go for drinks with them, say all the right things and then get them into bed. I don't want to do that because I don't want to upset anyone if they think its more than just sex. I don't want more than sex with them, and they want more than sex with me.

This bloke is doing exactly the same things I would do if I was to go for the sex option, not the relationship option. If you need a friend that much then fine, go be friends. But it's obvious what he's up to. He will hurt you, and you're justifying allowing him to hurt you in advance. I just don't get it at all.

If your username wasn't 'brokenhearted' and the same type of thing hasn't already happened to you twice since you started posting on here, I wouldn't be arguing like this, but it is, and it has, and you're digging your own hole here

Sorry not to be more sympathetic but to be honest you're ignoring all advice telling you what's going on, so I'll shut up about it now

Hormonalhell · 20/12/2013 15:44

Maybe you scare them off Broken?

Just a thought.

brokenhearted55a · 20/12/2013 16:12

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dontcallmehon · 20/12/2013 17:04

broken, I agree with bant.I met three unsuitable men online, one I wasn't keen on, but the other two would have happily strung me along if I'd let them. And then I would never have met geeky.

ALittleStranger · 20/12/2013 17:53

I think that's the crux of it hon, and the motivation. If you allow yourself to be strung along, or string someone along and hey let's admit we're not all perfect either you're just making everyone miss out on something good in the long-run. If anyone is feeling an ache for a satisfying relationship then the last thing they should be trying to do is eke out a relationship with someone half-hearted.

girliefriend · 20/12/2013 19:32

Had a nice lunch today with smallfeet, I seem to have doubts and then meet up and its all o.kay again! Am hoping thats normal?

I think we are really different but thats not a bad thing iykwim. He got a but tetchy this week as I had to cancel going out tomos night as babysitter let me down. He said he was going to have to call me 'blow out Bill' Hmm wasn't that impressed so text back 'don't call me that it makes me sound like a car' He apologised and said he was joking.

Not sure if thats a red flag or not but something I will keep an eye on.

dontcallmehon · 21/12/2013 09:57

He obviously really wanted to meet up then, girliefriend - if he was so disappointed.

I am desperately missing geeky. He's gone to visit his sister and is back on Monday. I can't wait! I think we miss each other. Yesterday we spent the day texting each other really boring stuff - 'where are you now?' at the petrol station....etc'

passport arrived, so we also started texting in French. I told him: 'je suis a vous.'

Hormonalhell · 21/12/2013 10:04

Sorry Broken that wasn't nice I apologise for that but what I will say is just listen to advice given to you.

Hope your brokenheart gets mended by a guy who cares and respects you Smile

49howdidthathappen · 21/12/2013 10:52

Maybe a change of user name Brokenhearted? Something that is positive for the New Year. Just a thought Smile

Kirstywirsty · 21/12/2013 17:10

I agree with 49 .. New year .. New you

How about newbeginnings14?

kscience · 21/12/2013 19:13

Hello all,

Well think I am going to have to kick bachelor#1 to the kerb. After a string of proper dates and being very attentive and gentlemanly, with a definite chemistry going on between us, dtd left with the promise of getting together next week. Usual number of texts, chatty but no next date arranged, he had kids and I had plans too. Then nothing for 2 days. Then an apology for being too busy and lets get together in the new year.

Starting to look like a frog to me.

And it started so well

Bant · 21/12/2013 21:07

Shame, kscience (and welcome to the thread) - the only thing to do is get on with stuff, and if he decides to get back in touch, decide whether he had a good enough excuse or not.

Shitty that it happened right before christmas, of course. How long had it been going on?

kscience · 21/12/2013 21:34

Hi Bant have posted a couple of times now but thank you for the welcome.

I am new to the whole OD thing and been out of dating for couple of years (licking my wounds and waiting until I was up for a proper relationship). Only been seeing the chap for a dozen dates (gosh probably been too slutty, but it was fun and nice reminder that I am an attractive woman) and things had been pootling along nicely, not too heavy, but definitely making the right noises about a relationship.

I have lots of fun things planned over Christmas and have a full life and a fun and involving hobby that will easily keep me occupied. Will give him a fair hearing as could be genuine but I am too old and cynical and am a girl who likes to be wooed. Having written it down it seems I am more high maintenance than I thought I was Wink