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Original poster

The dating thread 66

999 replies

LividofLondon · 02/12/2013 16:43

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between Sad

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

OP posts:
Hormonalhell · 16/12/2013 13:50

Very true Bant, I've met many men like that.

HelloBoys · 16/12/2013 16:55

One thing I would say to people (and tried it myself) IF you're doing lots of OD and getting nowhere it may sound a cliche but please really do give it a break and log off.

I tried this a few months back - no MatchAffinity, LoveStruck etc - got messages etc from various sites but I just thought no, no more money wasted there. I think a year ago I had registered a brief profile (no pic) with DoingSomething but it wasn't til this year (about 2 months ago) when they had a half price subscription offer in Metro that I properly signed up. would you believe a month before I'd given in, seen a message from another guy I'd been in touch with on MatchFeckingAffinity and paid 3 months subs for them... GAH.

Anyways met current BF on DoingSomething I'd joined but he had free weekend messaging we just happened to both be on at same time, saw what we liked and messaged and met up fairly quickly. I must admit when I met him 2nd time round etc I wasn't sure (nerves?) also the seating arrangements weren't conducive to chats and/or snogging which was both what we really wanted (yes on a 2nd date but after a few drinks!).

I also do tend to be a big believer, well in my cases, there can be too much chemistry but also if there's nothing there it almost certainly won't happen. and at my age (and generally) i don't see the point in thrashing that side of things out!

The weird thing is - we've been dating ooh 5-6 weeks now (early days) have now spoken about taking profiles down on other sites, getting to know each other properly (likes, dislikes etc) it could ALL go pear-shaped but it really doesn't seem that way. at all. we're that annoying in lurve/lust couple but he likes me lots and although I tend to rush sometimes (he's slowed me down) we talk through stuff.

I don't get any spidey senses (eg bad ones on me) off him etc AT ALL. or any other red flags. but even if I did get an odd feeling he's said to talk to him and he wants me to know if I do stuff that's not 100% him (cos we're both not perfect).

good eh?!

Hormonalhell · 16/12/2013 19:35

Helloboys your post describes Tallguy and me too. I feel that he likes me a lot and we've made plans so when he doesn't text all day I don't worry really. Feel happy and relaxed at long last Smile

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 16/12/2013 21:07

Bant that's spot on. We've probably all been there, I know I have - I fell for this from one particular man for four years in my twenties. At the time I was head over heels and couldn't (or wouldn't) see what he was doing. It's easy to see it in retrospect 15 years later but I like to think I'd recognise it much earlier now.

FolkGirl he sounds lovely Smile. Enjoy your trip to meet his family.

HelloBoys the last 5-6 weeks sound great, hope it continues on the same way.

I mentioned last week that I have a huge attraction to DS's teacher, who leaves this week. I've written a note in his leaving card saying thanks for his hard work and that I'd love to take him for a drink if he's free, and put my mobile number. It's light, breezy and non-committal, and I'm handing it to him tomorrow then legging it out of the classroom. It will most likely come to nothing but you never know, so keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow please Smile.

Hormonalhell · 16/12/2013 21:13

Oooooh how exciting Softkitty, fx here for you Smile

Santaclaws · 16/12/2013 21:15

softkitty ooo hope it turns out well for you, good luck :)

Bant · 16/12/2013 21:24

Fingers crossed from me too softkitty (and oh how I want to sing that song..)

I should point out, for the sake if balance, it's not an exclusively make failing. Women do it too, the 'let's be friends' thing and the checking in to see you're still paying attention. It's just that with men it's more likely to culminate with a shag-and-subsequent-feeling like you've been used.

It's a human need to want to be wanted

Bant · 16/12/2013 21:25

I blame my phone for the bad spelling in my previous post. Not alcohol. No

FolkGirl · 17/12/2013 08:39

Sorry, I'm going to refer back to my post of yesterday.

When we first started chatting, I asked him how the dating was going and he said ok and that he'd been on a couple of dates with one woman but that he still considered himself to be single.

I suppose I could remind him of that and ask him what he'd say now?

HelloBoys · 17/12/2013 09:38

HormonalHell that is great news and glad I'm on same wavelength as someone else!

what's sweet is he came to meet me last night from work (near City) he wasn't feeling very well but wanted to see me (we don't meet until Thursday again) and I was having hair highlighted so he waited in pub (great pub btw!) then we had a great drink and chat and just enjoyed being with each other and chatting. Of course we both fancy each other rotten but it's good to be elusive (something I've been totally rubbish at doing in the past!) and also to leave them wanting more.

Good news re TallGuy I recall you mentioning him a month or so or more ago on one of the other threads.

The other amazing thing - we don't share ALL interests (you don't have to) - and his interest in science/astrology/etc... isn't really me (I'm a bit interested but not totally) but as we both really like each other we're willing to listen and take an interest (trip to Late Nights at Science Museum next month) in the others' interests.

that's what I've found in the past - when you get to a certain age you can sometimes think 'oh fuck it' and be better off being single and you're god am I really typing this SET IN YOUR WAYS. whereas now in past 2 years I've been WAAAAYYYY more open minded and ready to embrace mens' various hobbies etc.

anyway keep it going good with TallGuy! Smile

HelloBoys · 17/12/2013 09:40

oooh SoftKitty - that sounds interesting re DS teacher. TBH I would NEVER do something like that but Christmas sounds an ideal time with card and what the heck - if it works it works, so keeping fingers crossed for you.

thanks re my newish man. I feel it'll go all the way but you never know some of the stories here about men and women falling too soon can freak me out somewhat. Shock

HelloBoys · 17/12/2013 09:48

Santa - just read your post re previous rebound ex.

I think I had this with my previous BF before current one. It was I think misjudged on his part to finish with her but there were all sorts of weird explanations as to why it ended (he ended it I think) which when I queried them with him he was like HUH?! Like he didn't get it but I totally did.

It was the typical country-town lifestyle with dog (substitute first baby?!) which should've/could've gone well for both of them but ended I think with him getting cold feet - maybe issues due to his parents divorcing when he was 9 and it being a bad divorce.

I was the one eventually who had counselling (not for BF but ended up covering the issue of him nicely) which REALLY sorted my head out. I even asked if he would come along to therapy with me and he said yes. In essence I do think he WOULD have liked to have sorted any issues with me from his past going forward (lots of boarding school and army father repressed emotions there cliches sad to say) but in reality it would've been a long hard slog for both of us. add the non closure re his ex (which I don't think was major but still was there for him in background) and = heartache and headache.

Shame men can't be more upfront about these things eh?? Xmas Smile

brokenhearted55a · 17/12/2013 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hormonalhell · 17/12/2013 21:38

Have you replied Broken?

brokenhearted55a · 17/12/2013 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladygoingGaga · 17/12/2013 23:15

Evening ladies, and bant, just flying by to say hello Smile my arse is still firmly on the sofa, de-registered from match as it was just meh, same blokes.
Been so busy, work and home that I just haven't got the time for OD at moment, hearts just not in it again yet. Typically I've had several married blokes being outrageous flirts at work Hmm

Nice to hear some success stories too Grin too many to mention!

Bant · 17/12/2013 23:27

What did he say, broken?

brokenhearted55a · 18/12/2013 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ordinarybloke · 18/12/2013 06:22

Been away for a few weeks and need to catch up on the thread.

I have not been sitting still.

had a date with a woman I had been messaging with. She chose the location-an old bar with bad acoustics which made it difficult to hear each other.i think it went ok,but at the end she felt no spark so that was that.

I have been nessaging another woman the last few weeks. We arranged to meet-up after work. But there were problems with the trains and we hadn't exchanged phone numbers. I kept messaging here about my progress hoping that she had a phone with internet access and/or she heard the announcements in the station where we were meeting about the delays.but on arriving 40 minutes late she had left. Later that evening she mailed me say that when she left she had felt terrible as she thought she had been stood up.i suggested meeting-up Tuesday evening.she replied saying she would let me know.very late Tuesday night she replied saying she believed in signs and that she felt that what had happened us not meeting was a sign that we were not meant to be. I intend to reply saying that I feel like I have wasted my time on her andvthat in similar circumstances I am sure that other men would feel the same way.is that too harsh?

Last week I had a date with Vermeer woman.It went very well and we have planned another date for just before NYE.she even offered to cancel her yoga class if I cannot make it during the daytime (which I can).

Also another 1st date tomorrow with a woman with whom I have been messaging for weeks but due to her childcare commitments it has not been able to meet up earlier.

p.s.sorry about the spelling,I am typing this on a smartphone

Hormonalhell · 18/12/2013 07:49

Well u have been busy Ordinarybloke Smile

Sounds good with veneer tho, hope it goes well !

lucyintheskywithdinos · 18/12/2013 08:36

I have a date! I'm quite excited as it will be the first in a long time and I love meeting new people.

I have been messaging her for about a week, we have lots of things in common. She is a bit older than me, (35, I'm 29) into all of the same geeky stuff as me and also likes wild swimming. I'm embracing the lezzy stereotype and taking her out for afternoon tea.

PyjamaDayToday · 18/12/2013 09:10

broken - you know he's wasting your time just keeping you on the sidelines in case he ever wants a shag

Move on; you deserve better. Delete his number/block him; no good will come of it.

HelloBoys · 18/12/2013 09:33

Pyjama - ITA pathetic man - you think they will grow out of all the cliches but they never do.

sorry broken that this man seems to be a non-keeper shall we say, maybe you will meet someone nice next year? Smile

Santaclaws · 18/12/2013 09:43

helloboys and good morning. I think my ex DID have closure, of a sort with his long term ex, as in it ended 11 months before we met, he moved out but few months later they started speaking agin and having coffee. He wanted her back at this stage but few shed told him she'd met someone else. This was 4 months before he met me

I always worried I was a rebound, when he saw her out and about for the first time recently he ran off so as not to face her/ speak to her. When he told me I panicked that he still had feelings, hence my mistake in interrogating him and him leaving me

FolkGirl · 18/12/2013 11:45

i'm going to post something on here now and I apologise in advance if you think it doesn't belong on here. And I know I've already put a post on here that had quite a tenuous link to the subject of dating. But you were all really helpful in that matter.

And I really need to.