The dating thread 66

[LividofLondon]

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

Omg read the bitch link....it's very empowering!

don't you find it a bit offputting that he likes Chas and Dave?

Girlie Thanks. You're right about the room too. I just needed a kick up the arse, tbh! The bedframe has now gone thanks to my local friendly scrap metal collectors and I've chosen the colours for the room. I bought a couple of tester pots yesterday and so just need to decide now and I'll get it done over the next couple of weeks.

He'll be out of the country for a couple of weeks over Christmas with his family so I can get it done then.

I'm not doing it for him, but he's definitely focusing my attention!

I've no idea what will happen, but as long as I'm having fun...

My date was ok but don't think it will lead to another one, he ended by saying get in touch if you want to go out again which is nice but not sure he was really that keen and after reading some of that bitch book then I should have him chasing me more!
It's got some good stuff in it thanks Kitty for posting the link. Think a better word than could have been used to describe a strong assertive woman than bitch, maybe goddess or Wonder Woman?!
That sounds great folkgirl you can enjoy getting it looking good whatever happens with your guy.

Yes Melanie I do find it very off putting that he likes Chas and Dave in his defence I think its more a lads night out type thing than him being a super fan or something!!

I agree that 'bitch' is not the ideal word for the book title, nor is it the ideal way to describe a woman who's in control and won't put up with any shit. I personally think 'assertive' and 'confident' are better words to use but I kind of understand why the author used 'bitches'. Unfortunately society often uses that term to describe an assertive woman who is in control of her life and doesn't allow a man to walk all over her.

Doing the OL thing at the moment but it's so frustrating. I had a nice chat with one guy a couple of nights ago by phone, made arrangements to meet early next week, now nothing! He said he would text the next day but didn't so I left it, logged on to see him online, said hello, hope you're weekend's going well and no reply.
Will brush him off now of course but it's frustrating, I had another one disappear the other week after one date and him asking to see me again, all keen, text me on the Monday morning and poof....no reply to my response, I've since seen him online again!!

That's the thing hansel, a lot of men have 'sweet shop syndrome '

True, I do like the satisfaction though of blanking them if they decide to saunter back again having found nothing better ;)....having said that I have done my share of 'mind changing' too but would always reply and give a reason to someone if they chased up.
Fell like I'll never meet anyone at this rate, scary thought but I'm strangely not bothered at the same time as I think I'm becoming so disenchanted with the whole thing.

Right, I could do with some advice...

I don't know how to have the exclusivity and bf/gf conversation. Or even if it's necessary or appropriate.

We've been on several dates, we have dtd, we've both said we really quite like each other and we've both said that we've not dated anyone else.

He's met a few of my friends and made quite an effort on Friday to come some distance and see me for a relatively short amount of time. I know he had to finish work early and has told some of his colleagues about me. He asked me for some photos so that he could show his friends when he sees them over Christmas. He'd forgotten his camera and couldn't take any.

We've arranged to go out next Saturday with some of my friends. He hasn't let me down at all; if he's said he'll/we'll do something, it's happened. He doesn't do much in the way of reassurances, it would seem that once he's committed to something, he sticks to it and doesn't need to talk about whether it's still going to happen, because it is. I'm assuming that's normal and not a red flag!

He's going back to see his family overseas for a couple of weeks over Christmas and last weekend asked me if I would join him for New Year and spend it in his family's country house. I said no, for a number of reasons. He said he understood, and that it was a shame but not to worry, we could go over for a weekend in spring.

This weekend, I told him I'd reconsidered and was prepared to think about it, look into flights etc and he was really pleased. But not in a scary OTT way, he just smiled and said "so you're going to come then?" Neither did he try putting me off or say he'd changed his mind (so I clearly haven't been replaced by someone else) and he told me all about his village and which airports I could fly from/to, so pleased, but focusing on the logistics of achieving it rather than getting caught up in the 'romance'. Which sounds about right to me.

To be honest, I don't really know what to make of it all. I'm just pleased he's being nice to me, saying nice things and making me smile.

I just don't know really how to broach he subject without sounding wrong. Any suggestions/reflections?

Folk he sounds lovely and i would assume exclusivity and not mention it tbh. Her sounds like quite a straight forward bloke and unless you have reason to suspect he is seeing other people I wouldn't discuss it.

I personally think its a bit rude to see more than one person at a time though - call me old fashioned!!

I don't think you have anything to worry about Folkgirl so not point mentioning it. You seem very level headed about it all anyway

I agree. Fg he sounds great and id be c surprised if if wasn't exclusive. I feel your anxiety though new relationships which are good are still scary!

Hello All

Apologies for the absence, I've been snowed under at work :( I went to an awesome Christmas party last night and spent the evening snogging a 25 yr old royal marine! I lied and told him I was 23 - don't think he believed me, but he didn't complain! Won't be seeing him again but not for lack of his trying... a lovely little ego boost for me!

I've decided to get off the sofa and have another go. Just registered with Match, hoping the quality of men may be slightly better than POF - we'll see!

Folk - the way you've described it sounds very much like an exclusive deal to me anyway! But if I were you, I'd mention it gently when you see him next - just say something along the lines of thinking about deleting online profiles, what does he think? And I'm so pleased to hear you're doing your bedroom, yay!

Hansel - It's crap but it happens to the best of us! Rise above it and get back out there!

I second that Queen, I'm meeting Tallguy's children tomorrow n he mine but I still feel it could all go wrong at any time.

Enjoying being happy tho

Thanks everyone.

We've both said our subscriptions are up at the end of the month anyway and we're not renewing.

I know he chats to a couple of women on the site because he's told me. But he doesn't intend to meet and it's just friendly chat. But, tbf, there are a couple of men I just chat with - nothing in it, no flirting, just a chat - a bit like chatting on here, but I know what they look like and where they live! So I don't have an issue with that. And we are both going to chat to, and be friends with, members of the opposite sex IRL so I have to make a decision to trust or not trust.

But I do believe him that he's not 'dating' anyone else.

Oh and I've booked the flights...

Bloody Hell!

broken maybe we at twins lol!, seriously it's not really a good way to be though is it, people take advantage and we have a tendancy to put our needs last because of always giving people the benefit of the doubt

I'm coming to a horrible realisation that I was a rebound for my now ex. He had a 5 yr relationship which apparently officially ended a year before we met but after a couple of months they were friends again he'd go to hers for cup of tea ect. He admits he thought it was a blip and they'd get back together and he even said he was thinking of asking her to marry him after 5 months of breaking up. He never did as she said shed met someone else. And bam, deep despair I think. Fast forward 5 months and he goes on dating site meets me and instant attraction, infatuation. Probably half based on the need to get over her. " falls " head over heels. But it doesn't last because I wasn't who he thought I was, probably a replica of her. So after saying he wanted us to get engaged after a few months he starts backing off, unsettling me and makes me start questioning him which he didn't like

This hurts like hell, didn't want to fall for him but I did and I was the one who got hurt. Why can't they wait till they are over the last relationship before jumping in to another

FolkGirl I'm pleased to hear it's all going well. It does sound to me like you are 'exclusive' and probably don't need to have the conversation; he sounds like a genuine guy who feels he doesn't need to spell it out. The lack of 'reassurances' to me isn't a red flag, actually the opposite as he sticks to his word!

superdooper I'm on Match and have a first date on Thursday with a (so far) lovely guy from there that I've been chatting to. IMO it's a real mixed bag but I haven't been on POF! I'm also on eHarmony which seems to be a quieter site with a very different demographic to Match.

Thanks sidge

I suppose it's just that without some sort of 'chat' or confirmation, I'm uncertain as to whether he sees me as a girlfriend or not.

I will be meeting his mum. But I have no way of knowing if that is significant to him in any way.

It's just about expectation management I suppose! My exH is having the children while I'm away and he seems to think it sounds pretty serious, I don't think it means it's serious necessarily. We are going to be together for a whole week though! I suppose I'll have a better idea after that...

But he's clearly not ashamed of, repulsed or embarrassed by me.

Oh God I completely understand! I'd be wanting clarification too

Meeting his mum would be a huge deal to me, but of course might not be at all to him. You could toss in a jokey "well you must be serious about me if I'm meeting your mum" sort of comment and see how he responds.

Broken - I've seen this happen time and time again, you dated the bloke, he was very full on to get you emotionally involved, he then pulled back but keeps dangling a tiny bit of connection there - the liking on FB, the occasional text. He wants to be part of your life, a splinter in your heart, but doesn't want you to be part of his.

Defriend him, block him, move on. He will send you a message asking if you want to go for a drink, you will end up going, he will be charming and say he's made a mistake, sleep with him and then he'll turn around and say he'd told you he didn't want a relationship. That way he can shag you and dump you without feeling guilty about it. He'd made his feelings perfectly clear.

It happens a lot, really it does. It's not you, it's him. Drop him. He's only going to hurt you more.

Wise words, Bant