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Original poster

The dating thread 66

999 replies

LividofLondon · 02/12/2013 16:43

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between Sad

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

OP posts:
Takingnoprisoners · 14/12/2013 17:39

Wow after reading this I am feeling very mixed about my first date tonight! I will follow the rules though and just see how it goes, he seems very nice and easy going but I texted him earlier to say hi and to check in about tonight and he texted back to say he was surprised to hear from me!
I have had a really difficult week and a major problem has come up with my teenage son so hope it's fun if nothing else, just wondering wether to taken the train or drive......?

HotCrossBunsForAll · 14/12/2013 18:05

I'm glad you all think the same as I did, that it's all a bit much and quite needy! I've been thinking about if today, and I think whilst I can accept that I didn't feel an instant spark, what's unsettling me is his use of 'need' and how he said he 'liked what he saw' - I think he's got a very definite agenda in that he wants a girlfriend ASAP. I don't really want to see him again - I'm a bit scared if I'm honest, it's been so long since I've dated and I'm a bit twitchy about him trying to kiss me now! I feel guilty though, am aware I need to get over that - I'll send him a text tomorrow I think.

FolkGirl · 14/12/2013 18:11

Just thought I'd update...

I went out on my date last night. He has now met 3 of my friends. They liked him and he said I'm lucky to have such lovely friends. Which is always nice to hear, because I am. As we were driving back to mine I told him I might have a small confession to make. He looked a little worried and so I told him about my bedroom and decorating situation and that we'd be sleeping in the living room on the mattress. He said it just sounded very romantic.

It was lovely. I made mulled wine and we drank it whilst watching The Holiday by candlelight and treelight; kissed for a very long time and then slept Wink in the living room.

We woke this morning in each other's arms, went out for brunch at a local bistro and for a long wintery walk in the park. He stopped a few times to kiss me.

I dropped him off at the station and he texted when he got home to say he'd had a "beautiful time" with me. :)

Hormonalhell · 14/12/2013 18:13

Taken you should take the train, it's Saturday night woman Grin

Santa and broken hope you both ok OD is a cruel and wonderful world.

I'm a bit reluctant to 'gloat' about my lovely date last night. I've had lots of heartache tho in my journey of dating but hoping I'm finally at the end of it Smile

FolkGirl · 14/12/2013 18:18

hormonal I know what you mean. You start to feel a little bit stupid about saying "well it went really well..." because you always feel aware there's likely to be a "oh it's all gone wrong" just along the line a little bit.

Hormonalhell · 14/12/2013 18:24

Yes Folkgirl I just keeping 'this too good to be true...it doesn't happen to me ' finding someone who feels the same just makes me feel so open to hurt Hmm

What are we all like????

FolkGirl · 14/12/2013 18:27

This man seems good in many ways. He pays me compliments that I am comfortable hearing (simple, sincere and realistic). So last night he said, "you look really beautiful tonight" (I did look nice last night) and "I loved watching you this evening" (was performing at a charity thing - he sat through the whole lot just to see me!), but there was no gushing, no declarations of anything huge. He touches me but it's not claustrophobic (e.g. he strokes my hair/cheek just the once); he hugs and kisses me without expectation; he doesn't say things to try and make me feel jealous, he doesn't respond jealously to things I tell him. I catch him looking at me sometimes and he just smiles...

I'm doing well on maintaining the emotional distance. I'm happy when I'm with him, I get excited when I hear from him, I spend a lot of time being smiley!! but I don't think about him all the time, it's not all consuming. Some of my friends have said I'm "smitten" but I'm really not. I do like him though and he told me last weekend that he really does quite like me quite a lot.

We are getting closer, but it all feels right. We've started to tell each other stuff about ourselves and our families; no great revelations, just starting to let each other in a bit more. He's not needy, I'm definitely not coming across as needy. He said he likes that I'm always busy and doing stuff.

FolkGirl · 14/12/2013 18:33

hormonal

This man and I don't text all the time, we don't email constantly. We've been on a few dates and we haven't had a conversation about 'exclusivity' or what this is (GF/BF), but we have both said that neither of us are going on other dates with other people. Because of the distance between us, all, but the first, of our dates have been overnight - so we've actually spent a fair bit of time together. It's all been very respectful though. And so we've seen each other at our worst - first thing in the morning with a scrunched up face. And he snores...

I've already rationalised that if he turns out to be bullshitting/disappears, then it's not my fault. I don't think he is, and so if he is, then he's fucking good at it and I won't have been his first 'victim' so it will be no reflection on me it will just be what/who he is. I'm engaging my head before my heart ;)

I feel that I'm managing to feel enough to allow it to progress, but not so much that I'm in danger of getting hurt. He wouldn't be able to break my heart.

FolkGirl · 14/12/2013 18:46

Oh and he likes eating baked Camembert and crusty bread almost as much as I do!

brokenhearted55a · 14/12/2013 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Santaclaws · 14/12/2013 19:22

Omg something has just sprung to mind and I'm feeling quite cross now. Wanted to share it to see what you think. He set the tone of the relationship at the start, he was falling in love, could see us getting engaged, married in the future, we did lots together, were exclusive by his choice and him asking me to come off dating site at same time as him, wanted me to meet his adult children soon, he met mine, talked of visiting his siblings early next year. Had cooled it a bit by saying we should hold off the engagement thing, fair enough and I agreed.

NOW in the email yesterday he's saying he feels he has to explain himself to me and we've only known eachother 3 mths, meaning I didn't have the right to ask him about his feelings for the ex when he brought her up. Suddenly the relationship is too new or not serious enough for me to be asking questions like that. Irony is he was asking about my ex way back and saying he was wary of him coming back in my life in case he got hurt. Apparently I'm not allowed the same privilege though

Queenofthedrivensnow · 14/12/2013 20:36

Hey softkitty thanks for posting the book link I'm already reading it. It's v accurate Grin I know all this stuff but I still need a kick up the arse.

girliefriend · 14/12/2013 20:58

Hmm I am finding it all rather Confused at the moment! Altho tbf it doesn't take much Wink

What is considered 'a normal pace' ?

I have had 4 dates in 4 weeks and we text nearly every day, have only snogged... is that about right?

There is no way I could be arsed to set up another phone, email etc just for OD, no way if it got to that point I'd call it a day tbh. I have three best mates who have all met their husbands/fiancees on OD so it can be done!!

girliefriend · 14/12/2013 21:03

Santa I think you are well rid, he sounds like an idiot. The thing that sprung out as a great big waving red flag to me was the bit about how two of his other relationships ended Shock

You are allowed a day or two of self pity then its time to move on Wink

folkgirl sounds lovely and you sound very well balanced about it all. I do think though you need to make sorting your bedroom out a priority. I would find it odd if I found out this new fella always kipped on the sofa or floor. Everyone need their own sanctuary, I love my bedroom - I even have heart shaped fairy lights over the bed head Smile

Am really hoping I have got the posters right as am really bad for getting mixed up (see above!)

Mags11 · 14/12/2013 21:21

Hi all
Sorry to butt in - would just like to join the thread as a newbie (non)dater.
Picking up on some tips. Any pointers on Match? I joined about 2 weeks ago but little 'activity' so far. Guess I will need to get stuck in and send some emails. Makes a change to xmas cards I supposeSmile

Santaclaws · 14/12/2013 21:44

softkitty yes thanks for that link to the book I have downloaded it and been having a read. Intriguing

girliefriend · 14/12/2013 21:49

My advice with OD is be assertive, don't expect them to come to you!!

Make it your mission to message at least two men a day if not more.

Be open minded, ime sometimes the ones who look great on paper turn out to be the biggest idiots. Obv have a criteria but don't be overly harsh.

Don't message for ages - a previous poster said you're not looking for a penpal and that is so true. If a few messages have been sent and things are looking o.kay don't be afraid to ask them out for a drink.

Never message someone without a photo Grin and if someone looks too good to be true they probably are!

Santaclaws · 14/12/2013 21:56

Well I'm not going to date for a very long time I have got badly stung this time. Don't think I will ever do OD again

girliefriend why did the the way in which two of his previous relationships ended seem like a particular red flag to you?

Mags11 · 14/12/2013 22:12

thanks girliefriend I will give that a go. 2 a day may be a challenge - not sure I've looked outside my own postcode yet!

girliefriend · 14/12/2013 22:19

Because its so weird santa!! If I had been going out with someone for a couple of years and then they just disappeared I would be livid!!

Just out of curiosity what was his 'sexual' problem? You might as well tell us all now Grin

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 14/12/2013 22:26

I agree about his relationships ending strangely, Santa. If you were with someone for 2 or 3 years and they suddenly went cold and didn't contact you, you'd want answers, right? You wouldn't just walk away with a shrug of your shoulders saying 'oh well'. After 2 or 3 weeks, or even months, yes, maybe. But 2 or 3 years? No.

Santaclaws · 14/12/2013 22:29

Yes I couldn't understand how it could end like that, unless he's not telling the whole truth

The sexual problem was difficulty getting an erection, he told me he was like this at first in new relationships. I wasn't too worried to start with then even if he did get hard he wouldn't attempt penetration. Being of a medical background myself I tried to gently and tactfully discuss it one evening ( not whilst in bed) and he got up from the sofa and left. Didn't hear from him for a day so. Txt to say sorry if I'd upset him and he came round a few days later. A couple of weeks after that hey presto he could do it???!!!

I still have strong feelings for this man, I don't understand it. I've written all he bad stuff here but I can't convince myself he wasn't basically nice

girliefriend · 14/12/2013 22:33

I'm sorry Santa he sounds like an idiot.

Have you got quite low self esteem would you say? I'm wondering if you might benefit from counselling or something as you really deserve so much more than this wally could give you.

girliefriend · 14/12/2013 22:36

Smallfeet is at a Chas and Dave concert tonight with his mates Grin is it really bad that as he inadvertently told me roughly where he lives that I may 'accidently' have a drive by tomos? Blush

I am not a stalker I promise Grin

Santaclaws · 14/12/2013 22:41

I'm not sure if I have low self esteem really. I think I'm an ok person and I like myself and am proud of my achievements. I think it's more I allow too much crap from people because I make excuses for them as I can't believe they would really do such and such if I myself wouldn't behave like it. I'm a bit the same with everyone. Too bloody nice I'd call it