Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The dating thread 66

999 replies

LividofLondon · 02/12/2013 16:43

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between Sad

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 14/12/2013 11:58

I agree with bant but the full in fast types are kind of exciting and maybe a bit addictive if you've been there before.
I have realised I'm well
Used to this and find normal paced relationships tricky. Gap yah seems to amble along at a normal pace and I fret all the time because I am conditioned to expect much more, even though we agreed on taking it slow and he kept his word. Sigh

Sidge · 14/12/2013 12:01

I got a delivery of flowers this morning from Olderman Smile

brokenhearted55a · 14/12/2013 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenhearted55a · 14/12/2013 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 14/12/2013 12:23

Broken you need to self preserve and cut him loose. Well that's my opinion. He is friend zoning you it's no good Hmm

powpow80 · 14/12/2013 12:29

Broken- I can't see the benefit in staying friends with some guy you have met twice. Not much time for a friendship to have developed. You would probably be wondering all the time if he would ever want more. That is unbelievably head wrecking for anyone. He doesn't want a relationship with you but to string you along as a friend and then see how he feels. Does not sound like a nice guy. Seems to all be about what he wants.

At the end of the day the guy for whatever reason has decided he is not in a place to date. Please please please listen to what he has said and just move on. No contact is the best way (I find) for getting over things like that.

You deserve someone who treats you better than that and who wants the same thing you do.

ALittleStranger · 14/12/2013 12:56

Broken I can't see what you get by being friends. You're not friends at the moment so you'd have to start building that up, and it sounds like you'd be hoping he'd realise he wanted more. Not a good plan.

Lahti · 14/12/2013 13:03

Well I got my first set of 'cock shots' sent to me today! I sent him a photo of my 'pussy' cat in return. Why on earth do they do it?

Santaclaws · 14/12/2013 13:11

Grin good one lahti I've been feeling so miserable but your post made me smile

Lahti · 14/12/2013 13:15

Thanks santa this online dating has made me very jaded.

Santaclaws · 14/12/2013 13:18

I'm not doing it again its broken my heart

brokenhearted55a · 14/12/2013 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lahti · 14/12/2013 13:53

broken I had this kind head fuckery over the summer. Like you I thought they really liked me, what they really like is the fact that you will reply and give them attention. It's taken me a long time to realise this too. The thing is you and I are judging him by his texting volume (which to be honest is minimal effort contact). Also you and I take people by their word when many people have their own agenda and it is for their benefit and not ours (and rightly so). You need to take a step back and block him otherwise he will text you again in 6 weeks and do exactly the same thing. It's him not you.
I also need to take my own advice sigh

brokenhearted55a · 14/12/2013 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenhearted55a · 14/12/2013 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lahti · 14/12/2013 14:20

broken good for you. The guy who sent me cock shots today was telling me how he really liked me and how much he wanted us to click etc etc and then BAM this morning I got full frontal nude pics. There is no rhyme or reason. I'd block him on FB if I were you though, that's where my summer head fuck would contact me.

ALittleStranger · 14/12/2013 14:33

Broken I suspect the texting volume was that he was just trying to fill that intimacy hole left by his ex. It's hard to come out of a relationship where you're used to sharing anything that pops into your head, and tempting to find a way to replace it.

Well done for not contacting him.

KittiKat · 14/12/2013 14:48

Well I have just been dumped by text. Sad. He says he is too busy to have a relationship.

Oh well... Sad Onwards and upwards as they say. I don't think I shall bother with OD for a while now.

Santaclaws · 14/12/2013 14:55

I am so depressed I am back to thinking I've ruined what could have been a really good thing by going on about what he said he other night. Why do I sabotage things. I'm going to miss him badly. If he felt that much for me would that have been enough to put him off? I know had been the other way around I would have put up a bit of fight to see if we could make it work. Despite his declarations of love at the start he obviously wasn't that emotionally invested in me. How cruel to try so hard to get me to invest emotionally in him then

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 14/12/2013 15:07

Santa YOU haven't ruined anything, HE has. If he was the right man for you he'd have been willing and open to discuss things that you bring up, not go off in a strop until you concede and apologise (even though you'd done nothing wrong). Trust me when I say that relationship would not have been 'a beautiful thing'. If he's like that now, just think how bad things would have been a few months or even years down the line - you'd be walking on egg shells just so he wouldn't flounce off in a strop. You don't need that!

And he might have made declarations of love at the start but as you rightly say, that will have been to draw you in and get you emotionally attached to him. Why would you want to be with someone like that?! You - we - deserve so much more.

Santaclaws · 14/12/2013 15:18

kitty the thing is I KNOW I can be like a dog with a bone when I get something in my head and keep on far longer than I should, no shouting or nastiness but just going round and round the issue. This is why I feel I've spoiled it. On both occasions I genuinely feel I had legitimate reasons to raise it but I needn't have kept on as much. He had enough and left.

I apologise for keeping on because I'm aware I can be like that but then he wasn't prepared to give things a go. I'm in such a muddle and haven't even left my bed all day. Tomorrow I must make an effort

PyjamaDayToday · 14/12/2013 15:33

Okay you lot, listen up. There is too much unnecessary grief and heartache from some of you at the moment, and it has to stop >

These are the rules and they are compulsory. Got it?

  1. Develop a thick skin
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens
  4. Trust your gut instinct
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
  8. Loo update is mandatory

Some other stuff you can do to protect yourselves from hurt/weirdos /general shit:

Get yourself a cheap pay as you go phone and only give that number to OD people even if you go out with them for a few months. Don't keep it turned on.

Create another email address for OD - for the cock pictures other photos etc to be sent to.

Don't give them your address, tell them where you work or let them into your FB world for years at least half a dozen dates, and then maybe not.

Keep some perspective - there's plenty of fish, remember.

Read and digest the book 'He's just not that into you'..

I am much older than most of you and have learnt most of this the hard way, but now know its possible to do OD without any heartache not any great success either, mind Grin

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 14/12/2013 15:53

Good post Pyjama, I love the list of rules too. I'll bear in mind no.8 if I go on the date with Mr Tinder next week Wink.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 14/12/2013 16:03

This book might be useful. You can download it to your Kindle or Kindle App from this link. I'm about a third of the way through it and athough it's called 'Why Men Love Bitches', it's not about being a bitch but more about not putting up with any crap, setting boundaries and being in control in relationships. I'm finding it quite inspirational.

I'll look up the book Pyjama recommended too.

niceupthedance · 14/12/2013 16:39

Bad luck KittiKat, at least Christmas busyness might take your mind off it.

Softkitty that book is a much better version of the rules, I think. Very straightforward.