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Original poster

The dating thread 66

999 replies

LividofLondon · 02/12/2013 16:43

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between Sad

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 13/12/2013 08:22

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powpow80 · 13/12/2013 08:39

Morning All,

Just checking in from the sofa. Enjoying my break from dating.

Santa- the flouncing off sounds awful on you. Especially as it's such early days in your relationship. What sort of topics are bringing out the flounced in him?

Broken- sorry to hear your latest news. Staying friends and seeing how it is in a month or so does sound a bit like keeping you on the back burner. I'd personally just leave it.

Hope everyone else is keeping well. I have a Christmas night out with my running group on Saturday. Looking forward to a few drinks and maybe a real life flirt Grin

Santaclaws · 13/12/2013 08:53

powpow hi there. I can see the benefits in enjoying a break from dating Grin topics have included raising a gentle discussion of a sex issue ( forgave him easily for this flounce as it was embarrassing)
Then I would say the other two have been half my fault as I was a bit like a dog with a bone because I felt insecure, some of it may have been justified/ understandable from my end but I didn't approach it well either. Thing is my last relationship of four years used to do this sometimes as well so I've got the same again somehow, or maybe it is my fault

broken that is so horrible for you, when you spell out to a man what you do and don't want you feel you've at least protected yourself a bit. I don't know what to say because all we want is for them to be straight and being let down is horrible

brokenhearted55a · 13/12/2013 09:13

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Santaclaws · 13/12/2013 09:19

broken could be one of two things as far as I can see 1/ he's trying to soften the blow of ending it with you, some men don't want to hurt people and are too weak to tell it like it is 2/ he is keeping you on the back burner just in case he wants company/ changes his mind, he's keeping his options open

I hate all this not knowing what they want crap. They all know what they want but if its not the same as you want some men will use the " I'm not sure what I what" to prevent having to define it

brokenhearted55a · 13/12/2013 09:38

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Santaclaws · 13/12/2013 09:44

Hmm ok fair enough. So never mind why HE says he wants to be friends, what do YOU want? Would that make you happy or unhappy?

Think about it from your point of view not his. Really easy to say I know, as I spend too much time analysing my man ( or is he now an ex, I don't know)

How long have you been seeing him?

Santaclaws · 13/12/2013 09:44

Oops just saw twice youve met

Aknowinggrin · 13/12/2013 10:06

Broken Really sorry to hear about what's happened. My feeling is that he does like you and is trying to soften the blow by saying he wants to stay friends (most probably out of guilt for not having been completely honest with you). I know it's hard now but had he done this say in a couple of months it would have been so, so much worse. Not that that will make you feel better, I've been there and I know how much it sucks.

Bant · 13/12/2013 10:12

broken - I met UltraFox twice, after the second time she said she just wanted to be friends. My response was 'nah, I fancy you, it wouldn't work. Get back in touch if you want more'

I'm not expecting to hear back from her, which is a shame as she was very nice. Onward and upwards.

She was probably the 2nd woman I've met in over a year where I wanted something to happen more than she did, usually I don't bother to ask for a second date due to 'no spark', I've had a couple of short relationships which lasted for several weeks which I broke off because in several cases the woman was becoming a bit obsessive and mildly scary.

Santa - it sounds like he's a sulky bugger. Lots of relationships start off quite intensely, that's normal - but then things settle into a less frenetic pattern where things are comfortable but still passionate. If that's not happening, maybe it's not right for both of you. You shouldn't be constantly apologising for him going off in a huff though.

brokenhearted55a · 13/12/2013 10:17

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powpow80 · 13/12/2013 10:31

Broken would you be ok still being friends if you fancy him? Think I'd find that too hard. Always hoping they'd see you as more than a friend. You could always delete him from your Facebook. You don't owe him anything.

Santaclaws · 13/12/2013 10:50

bant yes was very intense to start with then comfortable and he was still making plans for us to things in the new year. It's just he has told me it is his way of dealing with threat of conflict so he doesn't lose his rag or an argument starts up. So I'm left like this it will be how it is if I continue. Thing is god I like him!

Santaclaws · 13/12/2013 12:01

I can't tell you how shitty I'm feeling right now, so upset. I keep analysing was he justified in leaving because I was going on a bit? Did I have reason to be worried hence the going on? I was worried because he said he'd avoided going in to a shop when he saw his ex there. He said it was because he didn't feel like talking, felt awkward ( when they split he took it badly) . I insisted he must still have feelings or he wouldn't avoid her and I didn't want to go out with someone who had feelings for an ex. He told me he hasn't but I couldn't get my head around it at the time. I feel really awful. Don't know whose right or wrong

Sidge · 13/12/2013 12:56

Quick update - I met Olderman for brunch this morning. Really liked him. Conversation flowed, he made me laugh. Felt comfortable with him and am seeing him again for dinner Tuesday Smile

dontcallmehon · 13/12/2013 13:59

Olderman sounds promising sidge

broken I always think a clean break works best. Friends is only possible if neither of you have any romantic interest.

stupid you are so right - I will try not to ruin it with geeky. I am calm and chilled (if I say it often enough I will believe it).

HotCrossBunsForAll · 13/12/2013 18:19

Hello you lovely lot, I'm new to this particular thread - but, I've been single for a year and I'm going for a drink tonight with a guy I've met online. This is my first real 'date' since I've been single and I am terrified. I'm so close to cancelling. Arggggh.

girliefriend · 13/12/2013 18:36

hotcross do not cancel!! Thats an order Grin It is scary but the way I look at it is so is being single for the rest of my days!!

dont you seriously have nothing to fret about - geeky lurvvvvves you Wink

santa hmm I wouldn't have made the connection between avoiding an ex and still having feelings about them. If i saw my ex in a shop I wouldn't go in either and I certainly do not still have feelings for him. Tbh it sounds like you are projecting your own insecurities onto him, it was good that he told you about seeing the ex in the first place and I would have just said 'yes I can understand that' and thought nothing more of it had that been me.

Well I am enjoying having got to date 4 with smallfeet, not sure when I am going to see him again though as quite busy next week and he is away this weekend. He texts most days which is nice Smile do you reckon I need to get him something for Christmas?!

girliefriend · 13/12/2013 18:38

Oh and also when is it o.kay for him to come over when dd is in bed am hoping soon ?!

Sidge · 13/12/2013 19:23

girlie I think whenever you're comfortable with it. What age is your DD and is she likely to wake whilst you're snogging on the sofa he's there?

hotcross do not cancel!! Bite the bullet and go for it, if nothing else you get out the house for a few hours!

don't geeky sounds lovely, you'll be fine!

broken I don't think staying friends works where you had a sexual/romantic relationship especially where one ended it and it wasn't a mutual decision. But that's just me. The guy I was seeing earlier this year wanted to "stay friends" after I ended it (because he was messing me about) but I said I hadn't wanted to be friends with him, I'd wanted us to be a couple and I don't think "going backwards" works.

kscience · 13/12/2013 20:01

Evening all,

hot cross don't cancel. Take the advice of a friend of mine, pick 3 to use as "practise dates" to get back into the swing of things and practise flirting.

Worked for me bachelor#1 has surpassed expectations and date number 4 got all hot and steamy

girliefriend · 13/12/2013 20:27

sidge dd is 7 nearly 8yo, she is normally in bed asleep by 8pm so would be really unlikely to wake up but its sods law she would!! I find kids tend to have a weird 6th sense for when their mums are planning anything of the romantic kind Grin

kscience · 13/12/2013 21:18

girlie the 6th sense is SOOO true

Broken I agree that the friends thing does not work if there is any chemistry on either side

brokenhearted55a · 13/12/2013 21:21

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powpow80 · 13/12/2013 21:31

Broken, what do you think being friends with him would do for you? What would it add to your life?