The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

[Lemmingswife]

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

He has been helping my Dad with jobs all day & is still with him now!

YUK! Doesnt think you will cope my a**! Honestly so coping with him has been easy has it?

I wish we had a puking emoticon!

You are doing really well and sticking up for yourself and your kids in extremely hard circumstances.

Write down everything lw and also do that list/statement for your solicitor about the things he has done to you before you go so that the solicitor can get straight on drafting the divorce papers. Also take along your marriage certificate as your solicitor will need that when filing for divorce.

In the end this needs clearing up adn you can get orders preventing him fronm being in the house. You can get an occupationg orderwhihc can force him to leave the home. Even the threat of it may make him leave. Certainly a strong letter form your solicitor urging him to get legal representation and to tell him you are starting proceedings will be needed as soon as possible after August the 2nd.

You will also need to be clear about the arrangements for your kids as every divorce petition must contain a statement of arrangements for the children saying where they will live, go to school, and contact.

Hope that helps lw.

Thanks, GF, that helps a lot.
It is all SO scary isn't it?
I have been leading up to this point for a long time, but it still feels very scary!

When we agreed to go our seperate ways, he made out he was going to be ultra reasonable & be the best ex husband to make up for the bad husband he was when we were together.
He is not proving too great atm though is he? It is still early days too.
He says that he will not battle over custody of the boys, as there is no way he would cope with them for long. He said I could have them on all important days & he would nip & see them.
He said it was a nuisence that we had children, as it would be far easier if we didn't, as we would just take half the money each & go, but that children complicated things!

Bloody hell! Well make sure you document that then LW! How could he? At least my X makes the right noises!

My X also said we would be the coolest couple in the world seperated so long as he could stay in the house whenever he wanted and have everything his own way. He phoned me to urge me not to go down the court route as we could be good friends! Then he proceeded to be abusive and violent when he couldnt have it all his own way and to break in when he didnt get what he wanted. yesterday was a case in point we fought for a whole day over silly little details which he was not prepared to bduge over!

He also said that he would like to go along to the solicitor with me if it was allowed!!!!!!!!!!
Can you imagine??!!!
I expect he would like to go along with me, to hear exactually what was being said!

Oh God deja vue! Mine said exactly the same thing and actually phoned one about it! LOL!

I lived with dp in HIS flat for 18mths, when he sold it when we were both selling our own houses to buy a new one together, he HAD to get me to sign a form agreeing the sale and I was not even his wife, nor on any deed. So your exh is talking BOLLOX..
but you knew that
Can I just say he is being a stupid SOB and you are doing so very well!

That's the most ludicrous thing I have heard re a divoce! that he would like to go to YOUR solicitor with you! I don't think so! That just shows how little he knows!

And he will 'nip in' to see his 'nuisance' children? Well, as long as he realises that since you will be doing all the parenting that he admits he can't handle, it will demand a financial committment from him!

He really takes the biscuit. the whole packet and the crumbs.

I am sure that a solicitor would NOT see the both of you together - it would represent a clear conflict of interest. In fact I think - but maybe those with real knowledge will be along in a minute - that divorcing couples cannot even have separate solicitors in the same practice.

And he thinks your ideas are ridiculous... [shakes head in disbelief]

He knows that he wouldn't be allowed to go along to the solicitors with me, but claims that he wished he could, as he would like to!! Bizarre!!
Can't believe your ex even tried to arrange for that to happen, GF!!
I guess H feels out of control not knowing what I am being told when he is not around.

He is still at my parents house doing whatever with my Dad!

The more bonding time he has with my Dad, the more my Dad is going to turn against me going through with all this. I guess he can't be much worse than he has already though!

Oh I see - he knew he couldn't!
Oh well.
I expect he was imagining doing some inpassioned speech about his generosity yer 'onour..

He is burying his head in the sand, though, isn't he? But as someone says, the sooner he gets your solicitors letter saying you intend to start proceedings and he neds legal representation, the better.

No doubt he is filling your Dad's head with nonsense as we type...and will come home armed with a list of priceless gems of 'wisdom' from your dad.
Brace yourself, LW!

sorry - x-posted! Both thinking the same thing about his bonding time!

My X wanted to do the whole thing on the internet! TBH though he would never ever talk about his kids like that! He may have hurt them physically and stuff but he says the right thing! ( God that sounded like I was excusing him and I am not)!

I dont think there are any comparisons though in these situations they are abusive bullies and only care about themselves in the long run.

I think the main thing is to realise that however rubbish their behaviour there are others out there facing similar things!

LW a word of wanring though it took two letters and a deadline adn then the most balzing row and kicking him out again to make my X see a solicitor make sure your solicitor makes it crystal clear that this is it and you mean divorce. I tried to be softly softly at first because I believed that he was really trying to be amicable!

I am bracing myself, Blu!

A friend from work asked if I wanted to go round & see her this evening, as her husband is away. Think I may take her up on it when H finally returns. I feel the need to get out!

H told me I need not have gone to a solicitor, as I can just get all info of the internet, GF! He is still so bitter about the whole solicitor thing!

Thanks for that, GF. That is exactually the impression H started giving me at first, that he was going to be amicable about it all - he still makes out he will, but I have my suspitions about this now. He has not got off to a great start after all!

He got back from my Dad's at around 6.45pm, saying how much my Dad enjoyed having him around & that he didn't mention me once!
Am off out now, leaving him to stay in with the boys for a change!

LW, you know that if there is anything you are struggling to cope with, financially or whatever, after H has finally left, we Mumsnetters are 100% behind you and will help you any way we can. It is a scary world dealing with 'stuff' you're not used to, but it's only a matter of learning what it is, how it works, etc. - you can do all that, and I think in days to come you will look back and laugh at the very suggestion that you could not.

I really agree tribpot! Lw stay strong and focussed and make sure your solicitor is really clear and you will be ok. Dont trust him at all whatever he says I bet he will turn nasty. Mine even suggested we divorce and then re marry in 5 years time when he had got over his current phase!

As my Barrister said yesterday I am so much better off without him.

And your Barrister couldn't be more right, GF!

It is all very, very scary. It is by far the scariest thing I have been through & it has only just started. My parents attitude is making it all far worse for me too.
You lot have helped me loads & stopped me going completely insane at times! I really appreciate all of your help & support.