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Original poster

The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

835 replies

Lemmingswife · 15/07/2006 09:06

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

OP posts:
tribpot · 19/07/2006 19:09

Jesus LW he put it on the market without yours!

Freckle · 19/07/2006 19:10

Put it this way, no estate agent is going to want to market a house knowing that one of the owners is not going to cooperate with the sale.

If you tell the agents that you were coerced into agreeing to market it, but that you have changed your mind, I doubt very much that they will put any effort into marketing it and sending people round to view. You can say that the house will undoubtedly be sold when the divorce proceedings are underway and that you will reinstruct them at that point.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/07/2006 19:17

That sounds like a good idea. I am petrified of this house selling atm.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/07/2006 19:23

I haven't signed the solicitors forms.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/07/2006 20:32

He is talking memory stuff & making me sad.

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fuzzywuzzy · 19/07/2006 20:40

refresh his memory of some of his recent behaviour then..... the past is just that, he's making your present horrible, if the past means anything to him he'd at least behave with some kind of integrity towards you and your children right now, instead he's being an arse....

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/07/2006 21:00

I know what he is up to, fuzzywuzzy. I stood up to him this morning & ended up making him feel a little bit bad. He is now trying another approach.
I am such a mess of emotions right now though.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/07/2006 21:06

Think my Dad is the person he will miss most!

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Caribbeanqueen · 19/07/2006 21:16

Ignore the memory stuff, just pretend he isn't speaking. Or I'm sure there's plenty of memory stuff you could bring up which might change his tune somewhat - shouting, throwing things, being horrible to the boys. That might show him that you won't be affected by his pathetic bleating.

rickman · 19/07/2006 21:17

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/07/2006 21:40

It's ok, I am not weakening in my decision. I am a complete emotional nutter atm though!

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/07/2006 21:43

Saying that - I appear to cope outside these 4 walls, or at least put on a good front!

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fuzzywuzzy · 19/07/2006 21:45

I think most people do LW,it's prettty easy to put on a face for the outside world when your away from the environment iyswim....

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/07/2006 21:52

It is! Work has always been an excellent escape for me. This morning I was in such a bad emotional state that it would have taken next to nothing to set me off again, but once in work for a few minutes, I was fine.
Nobody at work (other than my line manager) has a clue there is anything wrong!

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 19/07/2006 22:12

Then I come home & all goes pear shaped!

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glitterfairy · 20/07/2006 06:46

It will LW until you start to see a clear path ahead of you. Only then when there is a light at the end of your very dark tunnel will things seem a little clearer.

I think you have to see that he will continue to do this for some time now and that until he moves out and the divorce and arrangements are being made it will all seem very stressful. Even then you will continue to be confused in some respects.

THis is a confusing time and it takes many months and even years to be free of those feelings which these men have conditioned us to respond to. After all he know s how to push your buttons and as your relationship has changed is now finding new ones to push! Typical manipulative behaviour.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 20/07/2006 07:21

I was saying how worried I am about this house sale & where the heck I am going to go if this house suddenly sells.
He said that I have no choice about the house sale, as the mortgage on this house is over £800 a month. If we were still in our old house I might have been ok, but we stupidly went & moved a year ago and upped our mortgage quite a bit.

He then went on to talk about past holidays & how he will never be able to go to Florida again, because he would feel the urge to drive to the house my parents used to own out there & how he would remember certain times we had there.
Hearing him talking about things like this did upset me, I know I shouldn't let these things get to me, but it's early days & they still do. He knows they will too & this is why he does it.

He is going to my parents house today to help my Dad. He claims he wants to stay friends with my Dad & I told him that no one was stopping him being friends with my Dad, BIL or anyone else he chooses.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 20/07/2006 07:25

He said we will probably end up hating each other after the divorce, because that is what normally happens, so is worried this may affect his friendship with my Dad!!

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megandsoph · 20/07/2006 08:12

sry I haven't read all the posts so forgive me if this has already been said.

I went through this 3 years ago with my ex husband.

the first things I did was go to a solisiter and get my name put on the land registry as it was my husbands name on the morgage. Being put on the land registry prevented my ex selling the house as I then over rided any potencial buyer.

My ex had to leave the property ( he wasn't abusive or anything) but leaglly was made to leave wherether it was his house or not.

he has had to carry on paying the morgage (still paying it) which has been going on for 3 years now, as I had no where else to go and I couldn't just leave as I would of made my self purposely homeless.

we finally have the house on the market as I finally moved right up the list to move to lancs HA

I strongly suggest seeing a solisitor ASAP regarding your rights...

Hope things work out soon for you.

FloatingOnTheMed · 20/07/2006 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

megandsoph · 20/07/2006 08:15

Please ask about the land registry thing hun today or ASAP he can't sell the house without your permission then.

LeahE · 20/07/2006 09:18

Take the houee off the market. The deal was that you'd put it on the market if he moved out. He hasn't moved out. Deal is off (it was a bit of a crap deal for you anyway so you're probably better off this way).

Is the house in joint names? If not, when you see your solicitor on 2 August ask him to get a charge put on at the Land Registry as megandsoph suggests.

Do call your mortgage provider, as you've mentioned possibly doing, and see if they can offer any assistance under the circumstances -- e.g. a payment holiday. Do this well before 2 August so that if you don't get anywhere you can ask your solicitor to write to them and stress that the home is one of the assests being contested in your divorce settlement and that any missing payments will be made up out of the divorce settlement.

You DO have a choice about selling the house. Call your DH's bluff. At the moment he's still being in control and telling you what you can and can't do. He's talking crap.

Tyedye · 20/07/2006 09:43

Message withdrawn

Blu · 20/07/2006 11:16

LW, he is clearly feeding you nonsense about 'you have no choice over the house sale', isn't he? Basically he just spouts any claptrap he thinks will frighten you out of going it on your won two feet, or excercising his fantasies about how little his liabilities to you will be and how little of the house you will get! And no doubt how much he will have to fritter away gambling and playing snooker! Conceited ignorant arse!

Makes me laugh (in a bitter cackling sort of way) that he is so keen to put some effort into his relationship with your dad - but is doing everything he can to destroy YOU! He's morphed into becoming your Dad like some kind of mutant son - they certainly share enough in common!

Nothing to lose by telling the solicitors receptionist you'll take any cancellations - i bet a lot of people are going to the sea rather than thier solicitors! But maybe he himself is on hol?

I do think you are being magnificent!

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 20/07/2006 15:55

The reason we ended up getting into the discussion last night, was because he asked about how the viewing went & then said something along the lines of "Hopefully this house will sell soon"
To this I mentioned that I was in no hurry for the house to sell, as I didn't have a clue where the heck I was going yet & that I think we were maybe too hasty putting the house up for sale when we did. This is when he told me I had no choice & that if the house sells I will have to rent for a while, as he has divorced friends & knows this is the case! He thinks he knows it all & doesn't need to see a solicitor until the house sells, because he already knows the basics!!

Megandsoph, I have seen two solicitors & have another appointment on the 2nd August (this was the earliest they could squeeze me in) & will put all my worries to him when I see him.
Both of our names are on the mortgage, but the money for the mortgage comes out of his account.

He does come out with any old claptrap, Blu. He was also going on about all the jobs that I will have to do that he deals with atm etc. It is like he doesn't think I will cope. I don't think my parents do either, but I am determined to prove to them that I will!

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