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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

835 replies

Lemmingswife · 15/07/2006 09:06

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 17:52

Thought he was working today, but he lied to me to make sure I got my Mum to look after DS2. He has been playing snooker with his friend.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 18:06

She asked last night if she had to look after DS & H told me that she needed to have him from lunchtime, as he was on late turn. He also said he could only watch DS1 in his sports day if it was in the morning, as he had been called in for this late turn.
He has recently strut through the back door wearing his casual clothes & when I asked why he was home from work so early, he told me that he had not been to work, but had told me that to make sure I asked my Mum to look after DS2, he then told me he had been playing snooker all afternoon. He has also announced that he is going back out to play cards with his friends at the pub.
I told him to not be as stupid as play for money & asked if losing hundreds of £'s was something that has happened before. To this he said "Oh numerous times"
I am so angry & beside myself that I am shaking.

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fuzzywuzzy · 18/07/2006 18:12

He's doing it to get at you. Write down this and what he says about how much money he has gambled away in the past, it's proof that he can pay for his childrens upkeep in case in future he 'forgets' he has the money.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 18:16

I am going to write all of this down. His friend has apparantly lied to his wife & made out that he needs to take H out to cheer him up, as he is so upset. He is not upset at all!
I cannot believe what a selfish, idiotic git he has turned into.

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crazychilledmummy · 18/07/2006 18:49

I know what you mean about the so upset you are shaking. Can't you change the locks? Seriously, he's not doing your health and state of mind any good and in my opinion he's just taking the p*ss and enjoying every minute of it. Its pretty much tantamount to abuse in my mind.

crazychilledmummy · 18/07/2006 18:52

Re. the mortgage... can you ring the mortgage co up and ask them for a payment holiday? they are usually pretty good about it. don't tell your DH and then if he stops paying you won't have to worry. let him worry for a change.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 19:42

I may well ring the mortgage company, as I am feeling very uneasy about his threats.
I have got myself into a silly state of upset & am just so furious with his behaviour. I feel like I am going to burst!

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 20:07

How could he be prepared to miss his own little boys sports day, if it messed with his snooker time

I have just spoken to a friend, who has said that she is prepared to try the afternoon of 2nd August off work, so that she can come along to my solicitors appt with me if I need her to.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 20:08

Should say "try to get..."

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spangles · 18/07/2006 20:17

Oh LW he makes my blood boil, the selfish bastard.
Can't you let it slip to your mum "accidently" about H not really working... just so she knows what a tosser he really is. God that man winds me up.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 20:24

I'm very tempted to, spangles. Complete t@sser! He had me believing he was working today too. He is just getting worse & worse atm.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 20:47

Am on the wine now! Need something to calm me down. How can I live like this for months & months. I really hate him sometimes!

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spangles · 18/07/2006 20:52

I cant beleive you have to wait so long for an appointment... it will take you years to get divorced at this rate.

spangles · 18/07/2006 20:53

perhaps you could get your sister to let it slip to your mum about H not working...

Caribbeanqueen · 18/07/2006 20:54

You can't live like this for much longer really. It's not fair on you or on the boys. Did you try and get a cancellation from your solicitor? Can you not phone and hassle them so much that they give you an appointment just to shut you up?

These summer holidays will be even worse than the last ones at this rate.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 20:55

I had to wait a couple of weeks for my last appointment too, spangles. I guess they must be boggled down with divorce cases atm!

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spangles · 18/07/2006 20:57

could you not ring solicitors and stress that you need an urgent appointment

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 20:57

I will try, CQ! I cannot bear living like this, it's horrible.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 20:58

I will try & get onto them tomorrow, but the secretary did tell me that she had absolutely nothing until 2nd August.

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Blu · 18/07/2006 21:14

Lying in order to make your Mum have ds2, gambling, prepared to miss sports day in favour of snooker? What a complete shoddy dishonest crap Dad of a tosser he is.

I suppose you just have to focus on the fact that in the end, you will be rid of him, you will be free, but it is going to be a grinding process.

Tempting to shop him to your mum, but I have to say I think that will simply make her take pity on him, and she will say 'there, there of course the poor man needs to go to play snooker to soothe his hard done by brow, I'll babysit anythime for him...' because your mum is emotionally illiterate and reads everything backwards.

But what is certain is that he will be doing this deliberately to wind you up and 'punish' you for taking control over your life. He is being so blatant and provocative. Probably the best way to take the wind out of his sails is to simply ignore it and juyst shrug. After all, you know now that he is a liar, he is bahaving as badly as possible, so nothing is going to surprise you, you can't expect anything different, so let it wash over you and down the drain as much as possible.

SO easy for me to sit here and say, I know. I think in theory it's the most effective approach, but not sure I could actually summon the cool to do it.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 21:20

I didn't let him see just how much he got to me, Blu. I told him that he was out of order to lie like that & told him that I hoped he wasn't going to go wasting another huge amount of money gambling, but tried to keep the true extent of how very angry & upset I was inside me.
I have been pacing the room a lot since he left though!

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 21:21

I can't believe what a bastard he is being.

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Caribbeanqueen · 18/07/2006 21:36

I suspect this is nothing comared to how awfully he may behave when it comes to the nitty gritty of the divorce.

He is starting to show his true colours and they are very nasty, so it will be a real fight to get him to cooperate later.

Do you have any plans for the summer holidays to get you out of the way for a bit?

Blu · 18/07/2006 21:38

WEll done, LW! You're handling it brilliantly.

MN TOWERS DO YOU READ ME? COME IN MN TOWERS! IF THERE IS A COMPETITION FOR A HOLIDAY, LW NEEDS TO WIN IT! NOW! Over. >

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 18/07/2006 21:45

Oh I am prepared for him to get nastier & nastier. He has tried the over caring bit & it didn't work to his advantage. He knows this is definitely the end & there is no changing my mind, so he is now being as difficult & nasty as he can. He wants to regain control of everything & I am seeing an even more nasty side to him.

I am hopefully going to visit a friend in Norwich for a few days, but no other plans to get away.
I may spend a lot of time taking the boys to different places on the train.
I will go bonkers if I spend too much time here.

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