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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

835 replies

Lemmingswife · 15/07/2006 09:06

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 07/08/2006 20:45

It has all come from my Mum. She told my Dad & my sister & BIL about my solicitor visit & what he said to me within 24 hours of my visit.
I know I shouldn't have said anything to her, but she asked how I got on & for a second I thought she was a tiny bit concerned. I will not be telling her anything else.

OP posts:
Tyedye · 07/08/2006 20:47

Message withdrawn

Tyedye · 07/08/2006 20:53

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 07/08/2006 20:55

Sorry about what, Tyedye??

OP posts:
Tyedye · 07/08/2006 20:55

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 07/08/2006 20:57

You have nothing to be sorry about! You haven't said anything wrong!

OP posts:
Freckle · 07/08/2006 20:58

The whole point about a mesher order is that the absent parent doesn't get stuffed. In many orders, the whole of the equity in the house is granted to the resident parent so that they can re-house themselves and the absent parent gets sweet FA. With a mesher, the absent parent is awarded a percentage of the equity which they can claim once a certain event happens, such as the youngest child reaching 17 or leaving full-time education, whichever is the later.

So, with a mesher, your H would have his interest (as decided by the court) in the house protected. Perhaps your family would actually like to see the other option being employed, whereby he is left with nothing??

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 07/08/2006 21:05

I tried to explain this to them, but they still think it is unfair that he will not get his share for x amount of years. They keep on about how nasty it is going to get now, & how his solicitor will give me a real fight etc.
I am not going to tell any of my family about any of the things I am told by my solicitor from now on, even if they do seem to take an interest. They just make me feel 100% worse about everything.

OP posts:
DVX · 07/08/2006 21:48

That is their job seemingly these days with you lw! You have tried to do your best and will always be made otu to be the bad one but remember men like your BIL only stick together because they are frightened that one day it may be them and if they dont stick up for each other no one will!

I agree with tyedye here though and of course with Freckle!

I am fine and thanks for asking. Feel better after time away from it all and whilst I am knackered have a friend who is helping me through it all very well. Also I have lots of email friends who help all the time

Caribbeanqueen · 07/08/2006 21:49

LW did you get another appt date for the solicitor?

DVX - who are you?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 07/08/2006 22:03

I haven't yet, CQ. Was going to go into town today (couldn't phone as he was in house all day), but it was pouring with rain, & I don't drive. Will try to get into town tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 07/08/2006 22:04

DVX, I am glad to hear you are feeling a little better after your break.

OP posts:
spangles · 08/08/2006 13:55

Hi LW. Hope you managed to get into town and get that appointment sorted with your solicitor.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 08/08/2006 17:23

I did, spangles!

OP posts:
spangles · 08/08/2006 18:35

Hope H is at work/any where other than home. hows DSs chicken pox? hope this is not spoiling the summer holiday.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 08/08/2006 18:39

H has left for work now. He left a little early because he was going round to do something for my Dad first!
DS2's chicken pox seems a little better, but he is in a terrible stroppy mood today, & him & DS1 have been squabbling constantly today. Roll on bedtime!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 08/08/2006 18:41

Ohps, excuse the amount of times I used the word today, at the end of my last post. I cannot concentrate - they are driving me totally insane atm!!

OP posts:
spangles · 08/08/2006 20:35

just got my 3 to bed and have cracked open a cold "tinnie".. sounds so common, i would love to be able to say "I have poured myself a large glass of wine" but I cant stand the stuff so a pint of lager shall have to do

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 08/08/2006 21:06

Mine are in bed now too, & I am trying hard to resist the temptation to pour myself a large glass of wine, as I have drunk far too much recently! Feel in great need of a drink though!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 09/08/2006 11:11

It is a nightmare having him here after his night shift & trying to keep the boys quiet all morning while he sleeps. DS1 has already woken him once this morning by shouting down to me while getting dressed & we are all in trouble. He says it will be bliss when he lives on his own, so I don't know why he doesn't just go!

OP posts:
Kathlean · 09/08/2006 11:24

I am a really terrible person.

I would be turning on the music and dancing and singing with my DS at the top of my voice whilst vacuuming (-:

Do you want me to pop around and sing for you?? I can guarentee with my singing he will be outta there in about 3.5 minutes (-:

Seriously just hold on and keep going you are really strong (or stubborn according to your family). One day you will be able to look back on this and smile.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 09/08/2006 11:43

You are very welcome to come round & sing, Kathlean - especially if you feel it will have him out that quickly!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 09/08/2006 11:44

Saying that, my own singing may have a similar effect!!

OP posts:
KiwiKat · 09/08/2006 14:52

We'll ALL come around for a wine (or tinnie) and belt out Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair, followed by Hit the Road Jack, rounded off with I Will Survive.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 09/08/2006 14:56

Sounds good KiwiKat!!
He got up in a horrible mood today & started spouting on about how women have no common sense & this is why men rule the world! This is all because I didn't keep the children quiet enough!
Come on round for a noisy party, & be sure to bring some red wine to spill on the carpet!!

OP posts:
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