The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

[Lemmingswife]

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

I know they are not going to support me, but sometimes I get upset that they seem to be turning against me. I actually snapped at my Mum a little & said "I am sick to death of everyone thinking I am out to sting H. I am just seeking legal advice to try & protect myself & the boys, as any sensible person would!"

She told me to back off, & that she had just mentioned to my Dad & sister that I had been told about some mesher thing. She also said I should talk to her more. (this would be because my sister told her to listen to me more) I told her that the one time I try to talk to her about my solicitor visit, she turns against me & goes on to wind up both Dad & BIL, so I don't feel like I can talk to her about anything for the time being!

This conversation happened this morning. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything to her, but I am feeling annoyed with my whole families attitude atm.

You do right playing your cards close to your chest LW. She obviously cant keep quiet. Am I right in thinking she knows you use this site and can get information by looking on here? If thats the case perhaps you need to change your name again so she doesnt have inside information. Your doing so well.. stay strong, it gets better i promise.

She does know I use this site & spied on me quite intensly when I was posting under my old regular name. I got all my posts under that name deleted & told her this. I am not sure if she has found me under this name, but have strong suspitions, as she told my sister that I took someone to the solicitors with me, & I cannot see how she would have got that information other than by finding it on here.
I felt I should stop posting, but at the same time I rely on the support I receive here to keep me going & don't want to give that up yet.
I will more than likely change my name again, or maybe stop posting on MN for a bit, if I have reason to believe she is up to old tricks again.

Lw she is being very negative which is something you dont need at the moment. Perhaps you should say you dont wish to discuss the divorce with her again and ask her not to discuss it either.

She is being very negative & I am going to try & tell her as little as possible from now on, especially as she seems to pass everything straight onto my Dad.

LW, so at the way your family is bullying, bribing and threatening you! You've said they can stay friends with him, with your blessing, so their relationships with your rotten husband are not threatened at all. It's YOUR relationship with him that is changing, therefore YOUR business. I would tell them nothing more, they don't deserve to be involved.

All your mother's talk about how hard it's going to be is c**p - this will be as hard as it gets, and things will get better once you're out of this situation. Yes, you might be financially stretched, possibly lonely, but you won't be questioning your own decisions, abilities and loyalties like you are now.

I have an analogy that has helped me get through quite a bit of stuff, and it might help you too. Think of this situation as if you were taking a bath - you've been in the bath (your relationship) for a while now, and the water's pretty cold. What you should really do is get out - but it's colder OUT of the bath than it is being in there, and everyone's saying 'ooh, you'll be cold if you get out'.

Yes, you will be cold - but then you'll get dry, you'll warm up, and you'll move on. Sometimes you've got to do something painful or unpleasant to get to the next step, and YOU are DOING it.

Stay strong, and get out of that bath! We all think you're amazing. xx

I think you should change your name again. Your mum would be hard pushed to follow all the threads to "pick" you up again - and regulars would be able to work out who you are easily enough - espcially if you tell a few people through MSN or those you "know" by e-mail.

From the sound of it, you do need the support that Mumsnet gives you, so do try to maintain that network of support.

Your h as messed with you mind for long enough (which is as much abuse as physcial abuse) that you will have crises of confidence. And congratulation and {{{{{}}}}} for being strong enough to get this far. Remeber that when you say that your sister is the feisty one and even she has trouble standing up to your parents.

Thank you both for your supportive words. KiwiKat, I like your bath analogy, it makes a lot of sense!
My sister is the feisty one out of the two of us, she always has been, but she admits to being putty in Mum & Dad's hands a lot of the time and backs down to them easily. I am the more laid back, who appears to be walked over more, but if I feel strongly that I am in the right & they are wrong I will not back down! Like my Mum said, I am stubborn!

I think it may be an idea for me to change my name again. I will get thinking of a new one, as I don't want to stop posting & lose all my support, but at the same time I am getting paranoid about being spied on again.

Sounds like another name change is in order, LW, we will track you down, fear not.

Laughable that your family seem SOOO concerned about H not seeing his children after the divorce - when he barely sees them now due to the need to go out and get lashed with his mates all the time.

I will CAT you when I decide on my new name, tribpot!

Cheers.

Message withdrawn

I will do, Tyedye!

My sister has just mailed me & suggested I go & stay with her for a week or two, & leave boys with H, as he has 2 weeks off work coming up. She thinks it would be good for me to have time to think away from H & the boys, but I don't think for one second he would agree to that! Not sure I would trust him not to take them to the pub with his friends either, so I think that idea is a bit of a no no!
Nice of her to offer though.

HIya lw hope you are ok! Will email you tomorrow. Good call not leaving the boys with him I think!

Hi, DVX. Hope you are ok.

H has gone on his night shift, so I don't have him around tonight.

Hello Lemmingswife how are you doing?
Hi DVX how are you?

Hi, winnie. I am not too bad tonight thanks.
H is behaving a little more human atm, but yesterday he was horrible. My head is still all over the place with everything, but I am a little calmer than I was at the w/e.
He is working tonight, so I have the evening to myself.

I am glad you are getting an evening to yourself

The offer from your sister was lovely. Is there anyway you could do it and take the boys (although that wouldn't be much of a brak for you)?

It was a nice offer, & would be great if I could take the boys. It wouldn't be much of a break, but would at least get me out of he house & away from H for a bit. I am a bit concerned that my BIL would be funny with me though, as he was apparantly annoyed about my solicitor visit too.

Your BIL was annoyed that you went to see a solicitor?

Why exactly does he have the right to get annoyed about that?

Btw, it is possible to divorce without a solicitor, but it would be extremely foolish to do so unless things were very clear cut, the situation was amicable and there were no children. Hence it's a no brainer for you, LW. Thank god someone is looking out for your children.

My BIL is apparantly annoyed at the thought of this Mesher order, which Mum told them about. He thinks H gets a very unfair deal & the man always loses out. He asked me why I had been to a solicitor, last time I saw him. I explained my reasons & he said he didn't think there was any need for solicitors & surely it was better to keep things amicable.
All of them think I am bad & H is going to get a raw deal.

Will you stop giving your would be captors, (stay, stay )material to beat you up with.