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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

835 replies

Lemmingswife · 15/07/2006 09:06

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 15:04

I think they are very much hoping that this will happen. My Mum keeps on about how she doesn't think I will cope & that we should just get back together & be nice to each other! They try to close their eyes to it all as much as possible too. For instance - when H said he could do their decking for them this summer, their response was "Oh that would be good, but are you not going on holiday somewhere?!!"
Holiday???!!!!! Wake up & smell the coffee, we are seperating!!!

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DVX · 03/08/2006 15:07

Hi LW DId you feel the solicitor was productive? I hope it felt better after you had spoken and that something was being done.

I am thinking of you. Am ok and had a wonderful time last night.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 15:28

I felt a little clearer after speaking to him yesterday, DVX, but had to slow him down & get him to explain things like the mesher order etc, a little clearer, as he was talking in legal terms a lot & some of it was very hard to understand! My friend felt this too, so it wasn't just me being thick!
I did feel a little clearer, but feel very daunted by it all at the same time.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 16:01

Received your mail & have mailed you back, DVX.
Glad to hear you had a good time last night.

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Blu · 03/08/2006 20:59

Good luck with your sleuthing, LW.

And LOL at you being a sad pathetic woman - yeah, well, you and the Rt Hon Tessa Jowell too - and she's a gvt minister, so you're not in bad company!!

I still feel unsure about what would happen if someone made an offer on the house in the near future.

Done any paintings on pebbles yet?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 23:57

Have been out tonight at another Body shop party!
Was going to go to get some paints & pebbles today, but despite a big note at the front door reminding H to remove the buggy from the car before he went to work, the buggy was not removed & I didn't fancy taking a very miserable DS2 & his chicken pox anywhere by foot!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 00:00

If someone makes an offer, I am basically not to sign anything for now.

OP posts:
winnie · 04/08/2006 08:58

lemmingswife, how are you doing today?

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 09:28

I am ok, thanks winnie.
H has gone to work, but remembered to remove the buggy from the car today, so we will not be house bound again.
I have promised the boys that we will get those pebbles today!
I am still up & down like a yo-yo. One minute I am coping ok, & the next I feel like I am going to pieces. I guess it will be this way for some time yet though.

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Blu · 04/08/2006 09:37

ChickenPox is a plague too far. Huge sympathies. I bet you could have strangled h over the buggy, couldn't you? Can you IMAGINE how he would have reacted had you ignored a big note that affected his life like that. He is a self-centred b*d, you are a saint.

winnie · 04/08/2006 09:44

oh lemmingswife, of course you are up and down.
It will take time and whilst you are living under the same roof it will be incredibly difficult BUT you are coping and being strong. You will handle it and it will be worth it

Have fun with the boys today

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 09:49

I could have strangled him, Blu! I had mentioned to him that I needed the buggy out of the car, on Wednesday evening & then left a big note by the front door to remind him. His excuse was that he went out of the back door yesterday!
DS2 is covered in spots & not a happy bunny atm, so I was not going to attempt taking him anywhere by foot!

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 09:49

Thanks, winnie.

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Freckle · 04/08/2006 10:07

To be honest, I would ask him to do anything for you again. It gives him power over you - as in he can choose not to do what you want which can cause you problems. Next time, just get the buggy out yourself.

In your place, I would take my marriage certificate to my solicitor, give him details of the many incidences of unreasonable behaviour and ask him to issue proceedings asap. Everything to do with finances can be sorted out later - you don't need all that information before starting the whole process. There is provision within the proceedings to gather financial information - although it's a good idea to secrete away as much stuff as you can now so that he can't pretend not to have certain assets.

Freckle · 04/08/2006 10:07

Sorry that should read "I wouldn't ask him to anything".

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 10:24

I guess I should have got the pushchair out of the car myself, but as I'd had a shower & was in my pjs by the time he returned home, I asked him if he could make sure he removed it for me before going to work.

Thanks for the info re the solicitor. I have found a couple of the bits of info he requires already, & will make an appointment to go back & see him.
I am suddenly feeling stomach churningly scared of the whole procedure that I am about to go through though.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 14:30

He is home early & furious because he has received a £300 electricity bill (which can no longer be blamed on the tumble dryer, as it hasn't been used for months), & is now determined to drop the house sale, because he wants rid of it ASAP.
I told him that I didn't agree, but he told me that he is the one who pays the bill, so he is going to go into the agents & get the price dropped by £5000.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 14:31

Should say "determined to drop the house price"
My head is all over the place atm.

OP posts:
DVX · 04/08/2006 15:33

Perhaps you should phone the agent and tell them that you are not happy for the price to be dropped and that since the house is jointly owned they cannot proceed without your approval.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 15:42

Can they proceed without my approval though, DVX, as he is in town now & I am a little worried.

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Freckle · 04/08/2006 15:52

Look, he can do whatever he likes. The agents can do whatever they like. At the end of the day, you have to agree to the sale, the sale price and the purchasers as well as him, so they can only proceed as far as accepting an offer (which is not binding until contracts have been exchanged). He can instruct a solicitor, but the solicitor can do nothing until he is also instructed by you.

So let him knock himself out running around agents, etc., as it won't do him any good. It might, as a matter of courtesy, be an idea to give the agents the heads up regarding your non-compliance.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 16:09

Thanks for the reassurance, Freckle.

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 17:22

Have bought the boys some paint to paint their stones & he is not too impressed!

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KiwiKat · 04/08/2006 17:55

I haven't posted on this thread before, but have been following your story, LW. Just wanted to say that I know weekends are hard for you, and here we are about to go into another one, so will be thinking of you. I hope the weather is good so that you can do something fun with the boys. And it may not feel like it now, but believe me, one day all this will be behind you. xx

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 04/08/2006 18:01

Thank you KiwiKat.
Weekends do seem to be especially hard for some reason, but I am going to try & keep busy.
He is in a horrible mood atm, & I am trying to stay out of the way as much as possible.
My sister is paying me a visit later & I am hoping he gets out of the way when she arrives.

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