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Original poster

The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

835 replies

Lemmingswife · 15/07/2006 09:06

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

OP posts:
Tyedye · 03/08/2006 09:33

Message withdrawn

MrsApron · 03/08/2006 09:34

Thanks for that Freckle I wasn't sure we used to get loads of them and when you are processing them and reading them out of nosiness you don't really have a clue why and how they are used.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 09:38

Okay, thanks, Freckle.
I am going to search the house for mortgage details today & see what I can find. They will probably be tucked away in his drawer somewhere.
My HV has just popped some print outs of some divorce site she found on the internet, through my door.
Hi, Tyedye. How are you this morning?

OP posts:
Tyedye · 03/08/2006 09:50

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 10:04

Oh dear, sorry to hear that.

OP posts:
Tyedye · 03/08/2006 10:09

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 11:35

Yes they are a lot to take in at first, I was shaking when my HV first visited & confirmed that I was in an abusive relationship.
Hopefully she will be a valuable support to you though, Tyedye. Mine has been wonderful!

I have just had an old colleague turn up at my door. She worked in the school that I worked in 6 years ago, & I haven't seen her for over a year, but she had heard about our situation from someone her DH works with, & wanted to know if it was all true!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 13:34

So far I have found the post completion copies of the deeds for this house, but nothing else.

OP posts:
Freckle · 03/08/2006 13:36

You should get a statement every year from your lender. Can you not find that? Failing that, contact the solicitors who dealt with the purchase of the house and ask for a copy of the final mortgage deed. You may have to pay for it, but, if you explain that you are divorcing and your husband is not providing information regarding the mortgage, they should be happy to send it to you.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 13:40

Thanks for the info, Freckle. I will continue to search the house for the statement. So far I have only found one from the old house. If I fail to find it I will contact the solicitors.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 13:41

H has probably hidden them!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 13:55

I have now found an investment statement which covers from last October - April 06.

OP posts:
MrsApron · 03/08/2006 13:58

also worth contacting land registry for a copy of the charge certificate/ it will show who hold rights to the property, i.e. the lender. Am I right that you are not sure who it is? I take it all details of ref number and lender details are on his bank statements?

Seriously you are by no means the only one, I spent quite a few days with shell shocked women going over mortgage details who has no idea that their h's had remortgaged for loads then bolted with the money and new girlfriends. Others splitting up and like you needing to know all the details.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 14:01

I am a sad pathetic woman who has always had little to do with this side of things!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 14:13

Well I now know that the mortgage was taken out over 30 years, so I have the answer to one of the questions! I have found his pension bits, which I will take along next time & know there is also £8000 in an ISA, which is in both of our names.

OP posts:
MrsApron · 03/08/2006 14:30

not sad and pathetic at all! I am of the opinion that every relationship has natural divides that work. I worked in financial services so did all that sort of thing, DH is always informed about waht is going on but probably doesn't have much of a clue. hmmm I don't think that makes him sad and pathetic lol!

I have nothing to do with cars boring and gardens too much like hard work. Dh has practically nothing to do with home furnishing (no interest).

MrsApron · 03/08/2006 14:30

I would photocopy what you have found and put them back where you found them pronto.

apologies if this is stating the obvious.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 14:31

Thing is - I have never needed to know all the ins & outs of the mortgage etc, until now. It is something that H has always dealt with.

OP posts:
MrsApron · 03/08/2006 14:32

also if your solicitor makes banks/pension co etc aware of divorce proceedings they will freeze the accounts for withdrawals until legal proceedings are finished

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 14:33

Oh really? I didn't know that either. Thanks for the info.

OP posts:
MrsApron · 03/08/2006 14:33

It must be hard. Not only dealing with the emotional stuff but also having to turn into some sort of private detective and financial guru at the same time.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 14:39

It is really hard. Harder than I imagined & I know it is going to get harder still as we go along.
My Mum is probably right in that it will get nasty with his solicitor etc, as I don't think H is going to like the idea of this mesher order one bit.

OP posts:
MrsApron · 03/08/2006 14:46

I would imagine he will go a bit odd about that. It takes things entirely outwith his control for one thing.

I take it you have all your financial/personal papers certificates/licences etc kept somewhere where he cannot get to them? I would strongly advise this as well as anything else you are particularly fond of such as photos baby stuff etc.

from experience (NOT dh who is an angel) nasty men will destroy your possessions in an attempt to hurt you. He might not but he might and he certainly might remove/hide documents to make your life difficult in a controlly way.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 14:55

That thought had already crossed my mind, MrsApron, & I am being careful with regards to important bits & bobs.
I think he has got in his head exactually how this is all going to go & how the money will be split etc, & he may have a shock. Things may well get very nasty, but I could have really done without my Mum reinforcing that fact after my appointment yesterday, & basically trying to make me feel worse than I already was!

OP posts:
MrsApron · 03/08/2006 14:59

Yeah no need for your mum to be reinfircing your worries.

I must admit I would suspect that anything you say to her could get back to your h via your dad. Do you think they all suspect it is going to get too much for you and you will give in and things will go back to normal?

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