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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

835 replies

Lemmingswife · 15/07/2006 09:06

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/08/2006 22:17

I know it's not & I told him that I didn't agree that the price should be dropped. He seems in a huge rush to sell this house. I wouldn't be suprised if he has already seeing a solicitor.

LGJ, I will not try to speak to my Mum anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/08/2006 22:18

Thanks, winnie.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/08/2006 22:21

Should say "has already seen a solicitor"
Can tell I'm on the wine!

OP posts:
madrose · 02/08/2006 22:28

Just a thought, does your mum tell your dad whatever you told her and then would he tell your H?

If so - be careful in regards to the information you pass on. I know she's your mum, and you want to share things (mind you I'm quite shocked at the lack of support you're receiving from them) but please bear in mind, your H could find out things that could be to your disadvantge.

For example this price drop - very suspicious, and how will the sell of the house affect what you and your children receive.

Also who will hold onto the equity once house is sold -

sorry I have a very suspicious nature - and when reading through posts - he does appear to be very very controlling.

Stay strong - you WILL get through this. You sound like a wonderful lady show is dealing with so much.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/08/2006 22:51

My Mum would more than likely go straight to my Dad. I shouldn't have told her I guess, but she knew I was seeing a solicitor today & asked how it went. I also want them to understand how serious I am.

I am feeling horribly stressed out by it all atm.

OP posts:
madrose · 02/08/2006 22:56

I'm sorry - I've probably just added to your stress.

I just wish there was something I could do to help relieve the pressure/stress that you are going through.

SherlockLGJ · 02/08/2006 22:59

he does appear to be very very controlling.

Madrose

You have no idea.

I would say he was a waste of sperm, but LW has wonderful children as a result.

She needs to do this, to break the cycle.

madrose · 02/08/2006 23:10

Well i was being polite (i'm very well mannered)

TBH have been following thread - and been thinking what a complete and utter arsehole, and how can he not realise how f**ked up he is.

would say more - but trying to curb swear words.

As I said before and earlier - I just wish I could help LW in the crap situation.

And you are right the cycle must be broken.

spangles · 02/08/2006 23:10

Hi LW, just thought I'd have a quick look in before I slope off to bed. I agree with those who are telling you to say nothing to your mum.. she doesnt need to know the details of your solicitors appiontment. Sorry your parents are still being totally un-supportive, its unbeleivable that they are still behaving like this. Surely the estate agents wont be able to drop the price without both yours and H's signatures!
Anyway I'm off now but I hope you have a nice day tomorrow.. you really deserve it. xx

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/08/2006 23:10

It's ok, madrose - you haven't added to my stress at all. I appreciate all the support I receive.

His sperm isn't much good to anyone now, LJG, as he had a vasectomy after DS2!
We do have 2 lovely boys together though. The youngest of which is covered in chicken pox atm!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/08/2006 23:14

Thanks, spangles.
I am trying to let his garbage go over my head as much as possible atm. He came out with a classic as to what we should do with the money from the house sale, earlier! He suggested we use it to take the boys on holiday, but both sleep in seperate rooms!!!!!!!
I said "I don't think so, somehow!"

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 02/08/2006 23:18

I would love to take the boys away one day, but certainly not with H...not in a billion years!!!

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 02/08/2006 23:38

It's bad enough having to think of your h at all, now I have to think about his sperm

Blu · 02/08/2006 23:40

I have said it before - he's like something from a Mik Leigh film, and your family add to the cast!!

A holiday, indeed!

LW - what did the solicitor suggest about the house sale? Continue with it on the market? Withdraw until divorce proceedings are underway?

Anyway, whatever else, MN is at it's best supporting LW, and she has used it brilliantly to discover what she could do with a little support - good for you LW! And everyone else, stop being nice to me, it isn't my thread

Heathcliffscathy · 02/08/2006 23:41

you haven't left????

FloatingOnTheMed · 03/08/2006 07:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloatingOnTheMed · 03/08/2006 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 09:08

Before I go back to see my solicitor again, I am to find out from the mortgage company exactually how many years it was taken out for & how much it was for.
This may seem like silly info that everyone should know, but H very much dealt with all that side of things & when we moved last year & upped the mortgage, I wasn't taking as much notice of it all as I should have been, due to being so stressed myself.
He said not to ask H for the information, as he may lie to me.
I also need to find out about exactually which benefits I would get as a single person & have all child benefit info, wage slips, tax credit info & any other monies I would have towards mortgage, with me.
He said that if our mortgage was really over £800 a month, we would probably have to sell the house, as that is way above the average, but not to sign anything regarding a possible sale yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 09:10

Sophable - I haven't left myself, as I don't know where the hell I would go with my children.

OP posts:
MrsApron · 03/08/2006 09:20

LW provided you are on the mortgage you are entitled to ask for your own copies of all documentation. You could set up a postal address for these which will then ensure you get your own copies of all future correspondence.

This is not unusual and your lender will not ask you why.

(I used to work for a major lender)

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 09:21

Oh sorry, sophable, just re-read & I guess you're comment was aimed at Blu still being with us, not me still being in the house!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 09:22

Thanks, MrsApron. I had visions of them laughing at me!

OP posts:
MrsApron · 03/08/2006 09:27

Oh you wouldn't believe some of the weird set ups we had. Blokes with two mortgages one with wife one with girlfriends. Blokes being kicked out and giving us sob storys till copies of stuff like notice of matrimonial rights came in and you find out he is accused of beating the wife.

Has your solicitor mentioned a notice of matrimonial rights? I have no idea if it is applicable in your case I just know I used to see a lot of them when couples were splitting up.

See here

notice

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 03/08/2006 09:29

He hasn't mentioned that yet, MrsApron. I will take a look at the link. Thank you.

OP posts:
Freckle · 03/08/2006 09:32

You probably won't need that if you are named as an owner at the land registry. That notice is to protect the rights of spouses whose names are not on the deeds.

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