The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

[Lemmingswife]

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

He is working 12 hours today.

I do try & keep my distance, dino, but sometimes when we are in the same room, he starts going over all these things again & he is good at messing my head up.
I did tell him that I wasn't going to keep going over these things, last night though, & I walked away from him.

I forgot another classic that he came out with last night! That he feels bad that he got suspitious that time I danced innocently with a friend of his - but he feels bad that he suspected the friend, not me!

I know, dinosaur & my head gets messy very easily! I guess he is trying everything in his power to get to me atm & I need to keep away from him or try & let it wash over me as much as possible. I am useless sometimes though!

Lemmingswife, you are too hard on yourself you are not useless! He is an arse and it is inevitable that you cannot let everything he is doing and saying wash over you. It is bound to impact on you however hard you try not to let it.

I am sorry it's so sh*t right now.
Take care.

I did tell him that I wasn't going to keep going over these things, last night though, & I walked away from him.

Wouldn't have done that a year ago.

Progress my dear progress.

No I guess I wouldn't have done that a year ago! A year back I was in the process of moving house, even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do, because I was too scared to tell him I didn't want to move, as I knew he would go mad at me.
A year on we are seperating!

I just get cross with myself for still being brainwashed at times, I guess.

Joy! He was meant to be at work until 8pm tonight, but he is home already, as he decided he didn't want to work 12 hours & made an excuse to come home early. He doesn't seem in a good mood either.

lemmingswife, that sounds hard. Poor you!
I've been thinking about you today and I can only imagine how difficult it is having to remain under the same roof.
Keep posting and perhaps try to see the situation as a means to an end (I know easier said than done).

It is difficult, winnie & drives me insane at times. His Mum phoned earlier to check everyone was okay & I felt terrible, as she doesn't know yet, as he is waiting until the last minute to tell her. She sounded all cheerful & I felt bad.

It will really upset her.

oh lemmingswife I understand the having to pretend all is well thing... it's horrible but this is not your fault and yes she will be upset but you must think about yourself and your children.

I know - it's just so horrible, as she is such a sweet lady & had a terrible time with H's Dad herself. I hate the fact this is upsetting so many people.
I am just a big wreck of emotions right now!

Just phoned my Mum to make sure she could look after boys tomorrow, as I have no one else who can have them while I go to solicitor.
She said she would have them, as she will be able to put DS2 to bed, but has given me another lecture on how hard I will find it, how poor I will be, how she doesn't know how I will cope because I don't even drive & most woman who are on there own can at least drive. She said her advice to me would be to just stay with him because I don't have financial worries all the time I am with him!!
She said "Just stay together & be nice to each other"!!!!!
I know I will find it all hard, but I have tried the working hard to make things better & it didn't work.
She is so anti what I am doing.

Yeah, I definitely think you should stay with H rather than learn to drive, LW

On the one hand though she's right, your marriage could be rescued if you would BOTH "be nice to each other". She's lecturing the wrong person, though.

If only it was as simple as "just be nice to each other!"
He can't even be nice to me right now & you would think he would be on his best behaviour to try & prove a point!
Dinosaur, I guess you are right in that she will not want history to repeat itself, but she will worry herself silly & get so upset.
When I nearly left H (who wasn't my H at the time) because he had been unfaithful, she started crying & calling him a fool. This was a year before we got married & there were no children involved (yes I know I am the fool!), so I can't imagine how much all this will upset her.

"He said that he said this to catch me out so that he could then accuse me of being a liar. "

Be nice to you? he sounds like some kind of psycho!

Nice from a man like that would send shivers down my spine and have me looking for the stuffed owl in reception, I'm afraid!