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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The git is refusing to move in with his friend...

835 replies

Lemmingswife · 15/07/2006 09:06

Until we exchange contracts on our house!
I am SO angry & upset. This could take months & months.
I asked him last night if he was intending to make the move sometime next week, seen as his friend returns late on Sunday. He said "I'm not moving in with him....well not until the house has been sold & we have exchanged contracts."
He told me that he was prepared to make the move, until a friend (who he won't name) pointed out how ridiculous it would be to look after the children in the house if I ever went out & he said that it wouldn't be right to take them to his friends house.
He said that HE pays the mortgage & the TV licence and had every right to stay as long as he needed to, but he wants out too, which is why the quicker this house sells, the better.
I was so upset & furious after he came out with this last night. I cannot go on like this for what could be months, I will seriously lose it.
I would move out with the children myself, if I could.
He kept putting on a silly fake laugh, saying "Imagine me coming to this house to look after the children. How ridiculous!"
I am so cross & so upset. I cannot go through the whole of the summer like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 08:59

Oh bad luck! Anaeshetic it is then!!
My youngest woke me up the night before last, screaming out with tummy pains. I had only just fallen asleep too! He seemed ok yesterday, so not sure what that was all about.
H woke me up at 2.30am buzzing the door to be let in, as he couldn't find his key, which turned out to be in his pocket. He was obviously drunk!
I am feeling slightly calmer in myself atm, but he's not up not up yet.
How are you feeling, other than tired!

OP posts:
DVX · 30/07/2006 09:02

Ok going away today for a week to friends it will not be a rest as have loads to do and am trying to work as well but it will be a change!

AM supposed to be packing now but having a chat is restful!

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 09:06

It will do you good to get away though & hopefully be a good distraction for you.
What time are you off?

OP posts:
Tyedye · 30/07/2006 09:18

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 09:20

I seem to have been losing the plot a bit recently, Tyedye. I think it is all starting to get a bit much.
Am quite calm at this very moment in time though!

How about you?

OP posts:
Tyedye · 30/07/2006 09:20

Message withdrawn

Tyedye · 30/07/2006 09:21

Message withdrawn

Tyedye · 30/07/2006 09:21

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 09:24

Hopefully your HV will be able to help you out a bit when she visits.
Sorry to hear you are feeling horrible.

OP posts:
Tyedye · 30/07/2006 09:26

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 09:32

Thank goodness! Lets hope she is a great support for you. I am sure she will be!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 22:11

Oh, I am so very fed up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 22:33

I am maybe to blame, but I just want him out now!
He is going over the night where he came out spying & adding things that I am 95% sure I didn't say, but it is kind of messing with my head lots.
I need him to go before I go completely bonkers!

OP posts:
Caribbeanqueen · 30/07/2006 22:37

Ignore him, don't let him get to you. He is trying to mess with your head and get you worked up, so please try not to let him.

tribpot · 30/07/2006 22:38

LW, you remember the general reaction from that night he came out spying. Whatever you did - and you did nothing wrong - he left your children alone in the house to stalk you, allegedly because he was 'concerned' - but so concerned that he left you out there with a man who was a complete stranger to him so that he could he could try and trap you into a lie when you got home. Which he did. Because you were so terrified of what he might say that you lied to protect yourself.

All I can say is DO NOT discuss this with him. He's trying to beat you down again and if you engage with him on stuff like this he will succeed, because he's more willing to play the mind games than you are. You know you did nothing wrong, and so do we.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 22:39

I am trying, CQ. I am feeling pretty sick with the stress & pressure of all this atm.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 22:42

You are right, tribpot. He is trying to turn things round again & clutching at straws.
I try not to enter into discussions with him, but the moment we are in the same room, it often happens.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 22:43

And I should be strong enough to let it all rise over me, but I am not.

OP posts:
tribpot · 30/07/2006 22:45

None of us would be, LW. It's easy to say 'ignore it' but we don't have to live with it You're doing a fantastic job, at least now you know when he's playing games to upset you - the time will come when it washes over you.

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 22:54

I hope so, tribpot. Right now I am crap!

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Original poster
Lemmingswife · 30/07/2006 23:11

He says he was concerned because he reads books about serial killers!

OP posts:
FloatingOnTheMed · 31/07/2006 07:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spangles · 31/07/2006 07:44

"he says he was concerned coz he reads books about serial killers".... yeah course he was concerned, so concerned he left you to carry on walking home without offering you a lift. Maybe he could tell the man that walked you home wasnt a serial killer just by looking at him!
Anyway, dont let him play games with you. You have done nothing wrong, you have behaved impecably in all this.Hopefully he will be working today and you will get the house to yourself for a while. Stay strong

tribpot · 31/07/2006 08:28

Yeah, I can just see the thought process ..

.. my wife is out late, therefore at danger of attack by a serial killer. I shall leave our children alone in the house to go and rescue her. Here she is, walking with a man I do not know. Heck, he might be a serial killer, better back off and high tail it home in case he attacks me..

Gee, thanks for the 'concern'. What would it have been like if he hadn't have been concerned?!

Original poster
Lemmingswife · 31/07/2006 08:48

You are all so right. If he was that worried he could have attempted to phone me on my mobile first, as I had it with me.

I am fed up of having him still mess with my head. He claims he asked me if I got a taxi & that I said I had, but I know I didn't say that at all, I know that I had explained how we couldn't get a cab.
He said that he said this to catch me out so that he could then accuse me of being a liar.
I know that there is no way I would have made out I had got a taxi, as he would have wondered why I was home late if I had got a cab.

He is still trying to mess my head up & it sometimes works.
I told him I wasn't going to keep going over it though & walked away.

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