Page 8 | I still haven't moved out, do I take everything? Part 2

FarOverTheRainbow · 2013-11-27T21:49:43+00:00

This is a follow on from the first thread I done in AIBU here's the link [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1867926-WIBU-to-move-out-and-take-everything]] I can't thank everyone enough for all the help and support you've given me. It's been invaluable and you lovely people have helped get me out of a really dark place and are still doing so. When I read the start of my old thread and think about how I felt 8 weeks ago I never thought I'd be where I am now and even though I still have a long long way to go I wouldn't be half way here if it wasn't for the support here --very soppy but so true-- I hope I don't lose anyone moving to here

ShinyBauble · 03/12/2013 20:30

And I cannot believe the police advised you to leave your furniture behind so as not to aggravate him! They need to take a course in understanding what victim blaming is.

If he is still there in the morning, ask them to come out while you remove the last of the furniture. But only leave it if you are in physical danger. And as ChasedByBees said, you'll never get the stuff back if you leave it.

Original poster

FarOverTheRainbow · 03/12/2013 20:48

He seems to have disappeared but I don't think it will be for long myself.

I spoke to WA and they've given me the 24hr number for the national domestic line to phone and see if I can get a non malestation order against him. They said it is abuse and how the police can't see that isn't good on there part. She did ask if it was worth gettig the last of the stuff and just leaving now for mine and DD safety and my metal state but said that decision is 100% mine and she's not influencing me either way. She also spoke a refuge and said to remember its an option and to have a look online and if I want to chat any more then call them back.

So I've kept DD busy ad sorted some more boxes and ill put her to bed and then phone the national line and see what they say ad then pack some more. I'm going to get the van really early so hopefully will be out early afternoon

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Original poster

FarOverTheRainbow · 03/12/2013 20:49

He seems to have disappeared but I don't think it will be for long myself.

I spoke to WA and they've given me the 24hr number for the national domestic line to phone and see if I can get a non malestation order against him. They said it is abuse and how the police can't see that isn't good on there part. She did ask if it was worth gettig the last of the stuff and just leaving now for mine and DD safety and my metal state but said that decision is 100% mine and she's not influencing me either way. She also spoke a refuge and said to remember its an option and to have a look online and if I want to chat any more then call them back.

So I've kept DD busy ad sorted some more boxes and ill put her to bed and then phone the national line and see what they say ad then pack some more. I'm going to get the van really early so hopefully will be out early afternoon

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perfectstorm · 03/12/2013 21:12

Good that WA are on the ball. Absolutely appalled by your local police - really shocking failures on their part over this.

I hope the 24 hour helpline are able to sort something so you can feel a little less besieged by this utter waste of oxygen. What a situation to put his own daughter in, apart from anything else.

Glad you're being strong and have family with you, and hope this time tomorrow you feel a new woman. xxx

HansieMom · 03/12/2013 21:55

If he comes back, I think you should order pizza just to piss him off.

Jux · 03/12/2013 22:09

Yes, definitely order pizza, leave the boxes for him.

Take photos of the place before you finally leave so you have proof of how it was, so he can't, eg, lob a brick through a window and blame you.

You must be exhausted by now. This chapter is so nearly over, and the start of the next is just round the corner.

Could your cousin go and get the van while TwatFace is not there (now?) so that you can fill it up tonight with the last of the big things and your cousin can take them to wherever you're storing them tonight. Then you can do the last of the boxes tomorrow as planned.

Original poster

FarOverTheRainbow · 03/12/2013 22:20

Exhausted isn't the word. I'm fed up of moving and I'm pissed off with this whole situation. I'm not a bad person but I feel like I'm being constantly punished. It's dragging on so much I feel just worn out.

He doesn't drive I'm afraid I've got someone to pick me up tomorrow and were just sorting things into boxes and piles for where its to go so first thing we can literally throw it in the van and go a couple of times and it hopefully will be done then I'm going to Hoover and wipe everything down and take photos.

I've found the last of the receipts I need too so everything I've taken I can prove is mine. found the receipt for the pissing ipad I brought him too

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ShinyBauble · 03/12/2013 23:49

Right, if you have receipts - definitely take everything. I'm sorry you've been let down by people who should know better telling you to hand over your possessions to pacify this horrible person.

Just think, if he causes any drama tomorrow, the silver lining is that you should be able to secure legal aid. But hopefully it will all go smoothly

Divinity · 04/12/2013 06:52

Best of luck today Far. Nearly there with the move. Keep phoning the police and WA. Is there any other help you can get to shift the last of the stuff quickly?

Keep going, try not to let him get to you and keep phoning WA and the police.

Divinity · 04/12/2013 06:56

Once you get your stuff in your new home please go to a refuge even if for a few nights only. This will mean you have support and witnesses to whatever harassing rubbish he starts. It will also mean you get legal aid from what others have said.

Divinity · 04/12/2013 07:03

Once you've taken your pictures why don't you also video the house and then locking the door and putting the keys through the letterbox? Might be useful for later?

Jux · 04/12/2013 08:32

Good idea Divinity. Atm the name is the game is Covering Your Arse.

Best of luck and everything, today, Far.

NettleTea · 04/12/2013 10:52

hope it all goes smoothly as possible for you today

Original poster

FarOverTheRainbow · 04/12/2013 12:16

All the main stuff moved just last few boxes and clean up!

Got my appointment this afternoon too. The council have rang wanting me to go into their office which is weird I hope he's not causing trouble and its something of nothing

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LemonBreeland · 04/12/2013 12:23

Just catching up. I'm so sorry that he is making everything even harder for you.

I hope you manage to get out today with everything and no more drama.

Hopefully the council thing will just be something simple.

passedgo · 04/12/2013 12:43

Well done. Get down to the council office, they may have housing on offer. Good luck.

perfectstorm · 04/12/2013 13:03

Again, I agree with Divinity. Videoing is better than photographs because it can't be argued that you took photos before you trashed the place. I'm so sorry to say it, but it seems very likely they'll claim that.

Also think a refuge place is now very, very much a good idea because he's getting worse as you move beyond his control, and they can support you properly. They can also liaise with the council to ensure they comply with the law on prioritising you; I believe moving into a shelter is evidence you didn't make yourself intentionally homeless whatever the dates may do as it shows you were forced to move out for your own safety, and of course as you know it unlocks legal aid to protect yourself moving forward. And please remember to tell them about the knife incident - it's very scary indeed and I get the feeling your mind minimises and dismisses it because of that. Protective denial, so to speak. But it is important you ensure they know that it happened.

Good luck for today and I'm so glad you have those receipts. Shows him in an even worse light than if you'd bought them jointly.

Take the receipts with you to the council in case the arse is trying to claim you stole landlord's property, perhaps? Ideally they may just want to talk through a property that's come up or something.

You're doing so well. You should be proud of yourself.

custardo · 04/12/2013 13:19

good luck

Jux · 04/12/2013 18:35

Hope things went alright in the end and you're out with all the stuff, and above all safe now.

ShinyBauble · 04/12/2013 20:23

I hope today went well Far

Original poster

FarOverTheRainbow · 04/12/2013 21:42

The move is all done. I'm out and got everything I wanted and left the house in perfect condition but I'm sure they'll be something. I'm at my mums at the minute but going to phone WA tomorrow and hopefully sort a refuge out.

I had the local women's appointment tomorrow and there going to give me support sessions to help me and after another session they can introduce me to a solicitor as well to ask any Qs I might have. The session was helpful and the women made me feel really at ease.

The move has been so bloody stressful it's untrue. I can't believe he turned up at the house and the police had to be called.

I haven't heard nothing yet but I'm looking for a new phone and will leave my current number on the phone I have but switched off. I think a fresh start is what I need all round. It was quite hard leaving the house, I know everything was final anyway but to just walk away from them memories was the hard thing

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Original poster

FarOverTheRainbow · 04/12/2013 21:44

The move is all done. I'm out and got everything I wanted and left the house in perfect condition but I'm sure they'll be something. I'm at my mums at the minute but going to phone WA tomorrow and hopefully sort a refuge out.

I had the local women's appointment tomorrow and there going to give me support sessions to help me and after another session they can introduce me to a solicitor as well to ask any Qs I might have. The session was helpful and the women made me feel really at ease.

The move has been so bloody stressful it's untrue. I can't believe he turned up at the house and the police had to be called.

I haven't heard nothing yet but I'm looking for a new phone and will leave my current number on the phone I have but switched off. I think a fresh start is what I need all round. It was quite hard leaving the house, I know everything was final anyway but to just walk away from them memories was the hard thing

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perfectstorm · 04/12/2013 21:50

It must have been so, so hard. But good to have done it, closed the door and now on to a new and better chapter.

The council app't was okay then?

Hope things start to look clearer and calmer for you in the week ahead. And hard as it was to leave there, at least that link with your in-laws has now evaporated, and you're finally able to be independent of the lot of them.

Hissy · 04/12/2013 21:57

You've done the hardest part, it will get easier, soon.

Tomorrow you will feel better, the next day better still.

Keep that phone off for now. You don't need the hassle. You've done nothing wrong.

Tell your mother that if he shows up at hers to call the police. Every single time. If she doesn't she's placing you all at risk.

Don't let her pussy foot out of this.

Original poster

FarOverTheRainbow · 04/12/2013 21:58

I explained about me moving and they said I can go anytime today before 3 or tomorrow before 3 so ill go then.

I'm glad that link has gone but just wish I hadn't lost my house IYSWIM? I'd just made new mummy friends round there and I don't want to lose them friendships

Dreading tonight, DD doesn't cope well out of routine and being in different places so I'm really in for a bad night

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