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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I still haven't moved out, do I take everything? Part 2

608 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 27/11/2013 21:49

This is a follow on from the first thread I done in AIBU here's the link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1867926-WIBU-to-move-out-and-take-everything

I can't thank everyone enough for all the help and support you've given me. It's been invaluable and you lovely people have helped get me out of a really dark place and are still doing so. When I read the start of my old thread and think about how I felt 8 weeks ago I never thought I'd be where I am now and even though I still have a long long way to go I wouldn't be half way here if it wasn't for the support here very soppy but so true

I hope I don't lose anyone moving to here

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 03/12/2013 17:04

XP has been driving past the house just as we were takin more stuff. Oh shit

OP posts:
Hissy · 03/12/2013 17:20

call the police if you need to. that's more harassment.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 03/12/2013 17:37

My fried has just called and said he's tried to get into the house and climbed round the back and is now parked on the drive waiting for me so I've called the police waiting for them to
Call
Me back

OP posts:
crabbyoldbat · 03/12/2013 17:43

Make sure that the police know that he's not on the tenancy agreement (and therefore has no right to be in the house)

Good luck - you've done the right thing

Jux · 03/12/2013 18:20

Oh dear, what a twat. Hope the cops are helpful.

Ledkr · 03/12/2013 18:28

God this guy never fuckkng gives up does he?
Makes my ex look like father of the year and that's saying something!
Hope you are ok x

custardo · 03/12/2013 18:32

crikey, this must be so stressful for you Thanks

perfectstorm · 03/12/2013 18:36

Yep. Not on tenancy agreement, no right to be there, harassing you after you have told him no contact at all except via solicitors and now on your driveway.

On the plus side, I would imagine the chances of a non-molestation order, which immediately triggers legal aid, just improved enormously. Sadly, that is because because you need one.

You have receipts, and he is a nasty piece of work who is trying to bully you into allowing him to steal... and from his own daughter, as well as you. I hope he gets what is coming to him, and sooner rather than later.

How are you doing, lovely?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 03/12/2013 18:49

Haven't read replies but quick update. He told police he's staying outside until I move out and recording what I take ad the police said he's allowed to do it as its a public place and that they can't stop him. They've advised me to leave everything that I've got left to talk and just file an immediate claim to civil claims court but they can't stop me taking every last thing if I wanted because its civil.

He did say that his dad has proof all the white goods are part of the tenancy agreement and if I take any it will e theft and I said I have recipts to proce I've brought them an its a lie so they said keep the recipes because they will report me.

They escorted me in with DD to make sure he couldn't come near either of us and he's parked outside my house directly and looks set for the night

OP posts:
TimidLivid · 03/12/2013 18:56

what a nightmare have you got a lot still to take?

passedgo · 03/12/2013 18:59

Can you leave tonight - do you really need the hassle of carting white goods around? Don't most rentals have them anyway?

perfectstorm · 03/12/2013 18:59

It is a nightmare, but at the same time his lies and efforts to steal from you (trying to force you to leave white goods you have receipts for via lies to police is stealing, frankly) will support that non-molestation order, too. As will his harassment of you by staying outside the house like this. He is such an evil little shit, thank God you're free of him.

Have you called Women's Aid to update and ask for help? At this point I honestly, honestly think a refuge might be the right place for you - and they will in all likelihood come and pick you up, from what people here have posted.

You do have a friend staying with you overnight, right?

Hissy · 03/12/2013 19:00

Awfully cold out tonight... he won't last an hour!

Take what you want, it's yours. Call the police and report his stalking, harassment and abuse of you.

Tell them he's frightening you and has been warned to leave you alone.

Your police service is shit tbh! I had more response for less than this!

ChasedByBees · 03/12/2013 19:00

His nice guy act didn't last long did it? It all comes down to the stuff with him doesn't it? Do you have any family/friends that could help you move your stuff out? Preferably take-no-prisoner friends?

If you leave without the stuff, you'll never get it back. Let him record what you're taking though - if he lays one finger on you then get the police back.

Please report his family to their lenders for breaking their mortgage agreement and report him for beefit fraud at the same time. He's a shit.

perfectstorm · 03/12/2013 19:01

Passedgo council houses, which OP is in line for and very much wants, don't have them in situ as far as I am aware, no, so she would have to buy them. And why should she just meekly allow this fucker to steal from her, either, by bullying and lying and harassing? That stuff is worth hundreds minimum, thousands possibly all added up, which is why he's willing to do this. I think he's done enough already!

perfectstorm · 03/12/2013 19:04

Agree with Hissy that your police are shocking. Which is why I think you need to call Women's Aid again and leave a message stressing he's outside your house, stalking and harassing you, the police will do nothing as "it's a public place" and you need help as soon as possible.

Please remember that horrible as this all is, it will also trigger legal aid, and going forwards, that will protect you more than anything else, because you will be able to afford really good legal advice to force the shit to back off and not use your child as a pawn as he has so far.

Maryz · 03/12/2013 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 03/12/2013 19:06

I'm a mess. Why can't he just leave me alone?

My mum and male cousin are staying with me tonight. And a friend is going to help the last bits tomorrow. There's only a couple of big things left and then a lot of boxes but I've had to leave the van else where tonight otherwise I'm sure something would happen to it in the dead of the night while he's watching.

I'm going to phone WA I just need to calm down first.

How they can say they own all the white goods is beyond me, I have he receipts and the tumble dryer was paid on my card so good luck with that!

Tbh I think I need a refuge now too Hmm when he gets in this house it's only going to get so so so much worse when he sees I've gone against him and took stuff. I am scared of what will happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 03/12/2013 19:06

I'm a mess. Why can't he just leave me alone?

My mum and male cousin are staying with me tonight. And a friend is going to help the last bits tomorrow. There's only a couple of big things left and then a lot of boxes but I've had to leave the van else where tonight otherwise I'm sure something would happen to it in the dead of the night while he's watching.

I'm going to phone WA I just need to calm down first.

How they can say they own all the white goods is beyond me, I have he receipts and the tumble dryer was paid on my card so good luck with that!

Tbh I think I need a refuge now too Hmm when he gets in this house it's only going to get so so so much worse when he sees I've gone against him and took stuff. I am scared of what will happen.

OP posts:
DinkyFrinkbuster · 03/12/2013 19:06

You have a man who scares you sitting outside your house in his car. Call WA before you do anything else.

DinkyFrinkbuster · 03/12/2013 19:09

We cross-posted - good that you're not on your own.

I too hope he gets frostbite and bits fall off Grin

perfectstorm · 03/12/2013 19:12

He can't leave you alone because he is an abuser. He wouldn't leave anyone alone - you're just unlucky enough to be his current victim, but you are doing everything right to get rid of him.

I agree you need a refuge stay. He's escalating fast and they can offer you a sanctuary and support while you catch your breath and regroup and make plans. And the idiot is, though I appreciate you aren't feeling it right now, making your life easier because honestly, legal aid isn't easy to get right now, and this level of harassment and abuse is helpfully glaring and strident. Without legal aid, you'd have a struggle in terms of child contact and forcing him to go no-contact when visits eventually resume between him and dd. His behaving like this would certainly justify this, and there are so many witnesses and his lies and abuse is so obvious and unashamed. That has to help you in terms of obtaining future protection.

Have a nice cuppa and a hug with your Mum, and then call WA. You'll be fine - you are so close now to being rid of him.

myroomisatip · 03/12/2013 19:18

I dont have anything to add apart from ((hugs))

Please do not let him intimidate you.

If things kick off keep your phone handy and have it set to 'record' and remember that if they do kick off that will be in your favour.

Take care.

Hissy · 03/12/2013 19:37

Please call WA, and ask them to help you call police DV team etc.

ShinyBauble · 03/12/2013 20:26

This is another own goal for him. It is officially on record that the police had to escort you AND his baby daughter safely past him, and his concern is not to see her, it's about material possessions.

Let him sit out there - crank up the heating and order pizza!

And keep an eye out, because it's very cold now and you might find that he's buggered off by 3am - in which case grab the van, get everything out and leave first thing. (And if you get the impression he's following you, make sure you've lost him before you get to the storage place/new place.) It's so shameful he's putting you through all this.