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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I still haven't moved out, do I take everything? Part 2

608 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 27/11/2013 21:49

This is a follow on from the first thread I done in AIBU here's the link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1867926-WIBU-to-move-out-and-take-everything

I can't thank everyone enough for all the help and support you've given me. It's been invaluable and you lovely people have helped get me out of a really dark place and are still doing so. When I read the start of my old thread and think about how I felt 8 weeks ago I never thought I'd be where I am now and even though I still have a long long way to go I wouldn't be half way here if it wasn't for the support here very soppy but so true

I hope I don't lose anyone moving to here

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 22/12/2013 20:45

I do think that I need to leave my car outside to see what he will do. I'm doubting if it's the right thing to move back but I really want to move to the flat but then I think if he sees me with DD before this order is in place and he takes her there's nothing I can do and is it worth taking that risk for a flat?

I'm really confused at the minute about it but then I want to go looking for wall paper and house things in huge sales Sad

Are we placing bets on what we think will happen over Christmas? I've got £5 on he'll knock the door in tears with a present begging to see DD

OP posts:
passedgo · 22/12/2013 20:45

I agree that it's best not to hide everything, while you are with your mother you have support and a witness if he appears. This is why I suggested that you keep your existing phone, so that you have a record of his behaviour, all this will be useful, whether in court, or whether to build up a picture for you to reflect back on later.

passedgo · 22/12/2013 20:47

x-post

Good to visualise the scene, if that's what he does, turn up at the door, you can be prepared. What will you do?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 22/12/2013 23:51

I still have my other ohone its just switched off in the draw

if he turns up at my mums the door will be locked and she'll tell him to go awqy through the door and if he doesn't ill call 999 straight away. if I was in the car and he followed me id keep driving if he kept following me id call 999. if I bumped into him in asda or somewhere id keeo walking and sct like he doesnt exist if he tried to speak id say go away if he tried to touch DD id scream at the took of my lungs help to get some kind ot attention so he cant try and snatch her

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 23/12/2013 01:12

I have a new phone and can get use to the key board that's why my spelling is so bad Blush ill start proof reading

OP posts:
passedgo · 23/12/2013 09:00

Don't worry about typos far.

So you have a plan, that's the main thing. Now that's in your head, hopefully you can relax over Christmas knowing that you will be safe because you have thought it all through. If something does happen you have the law behind you, anything he does outside of that means he could get charged and punished. We don't live in the Wild West, people that break the law will get punished.

Not sure if I missed something earlier but did he ever threaten to snatch her?

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 23/12/2013 11:51

yeh he has said before he'll keep her and hell decide when he'll bring her back and it will be when he's good and ready
I do think if he saw us in the street he would try and take her

OP posts:
Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 23/12/2013 14:57

im actually excited for Christmas today and giving DD presents from santa Smile

OP posts:
ShinyBauble · 23/12/2013 15:34

I hope you have a really nice (and peaceful!) Christmas, Far Xmas Smile

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 23/12/2013 16:00

I think hes clicked that hes not going to see her on chrisrmas day so today hes had a message printed to her innthe locwl paper with how much daddy misses his princess

OP posts:
ShinyBauble · 23/12/2013 16:15

Manipulative, passive-aggressive shit. As if a one year old will be reading the paper!

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 23/12/2013 16:29

he thinks this proves how much he loves his little girl and me being an evil bitch wont let him see her, why cant he actually put this much effort inyo actually being a parent
a

OP posts:
HissymasJumper · 23/12/2013 16:34

I also have a pathological hatred of those that call their girls princesses.

How is she his princess?

when he leaves her to rot in her nappy? Every time he has her? leaves her with a witch that hurts her and makes her cry and gets pleasure from it?

How is she his princess when he bullies her mother, steals her things under threat, harasses her GM and boots you both out of your home with (if down to him) Sweet FA to your names?

He's had that published to use it in court, mark my words. It's (yet again) all about him and not about her.

Perhaps he calls her princess cos he can't actually remember what her name is?

Divinity · 23/12/2013 17:00

Yes I'm sure he will cut that out as 'proof' of his love for his princess. And if this has an effect of making you feel guilty and upset so you let him get what he wants, or making you feel like crap then so much the better.

Ignore his histrionics Far its all fluff and nonsense.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 23/12/2013 17:32

it's made me feel angry tbh, its all just for show. if he out half the effort into actually being a parent instead of putting on a front then he wouldn't be to bad tbh but he doesnt care about her. he hasnt asked me to see her on christmas he hasn't asked if ehe needs anything he hasbt offered anything

I was feeling positive about christmas and hes just pissed me off

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perfectstorm · 23/12/2013 18:33

God, he's a loser. So he can splash out on personal ads no baby can read, but not in paying a penny for her nappies - let alone go to the effort of changing them? Huh. Hmm

Just focus on Christmas and your little girl. He can huff and he can puff, but the days he could blow your house down are gone.

DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry · 23/12/2013 18:44

Stay angry. Anger is useful.

springysofa · 23/12/2013 19:04

What a loser.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 23/12/2013 19:27

hes now been to my mums and posted a card for DD saying have a great day my princess I think about you all the time and nedt year youll be at daddys house I love you so much

Angry Angry Angry Angry Angry FUCK OFF YOU STUOID BASTURD STOP TRYING TO POINT SCORE AND PISS ME OFF WHEN YOU DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY CHILD

OP posts:
ShinyBauble · 23/12/2013 20:24

Keep the card, don't destroy it. A judge will see the real message in that, a subtle threat that he will be calling the shots by next year.

And he can place messages in the paper every day, it will mean nothing to a court. If that was on his sisters 'legal' advice, shes's a moron.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 23/12/2013 21:22

Surely this has to be seen as harressment? I've told him not to contact me in any way but he continually has and does

OP posts:
ShinyBauble · 23/12/2013 22:40

I'm not sure to be honest, maybe someone else will know. But technically he's addressing his daughter, not you - even though you know he really is talking to you. I would keep the card, and the paper clipping, and mention it to your solicitor next time you see her.

perfectstorm · 24/12/2013 00:04

She's not old enough to understand the words, far less read them. It's blindingly obvious who all this drama is aimed at. And it isn't your daughter.

perfectstorm · 24/12/2013 00:06

And yes, the legal definition of harassment is to contact someone on two occasions or more when you know or ought to know that such contact is unwelcome. The fact you've needed a flipping police escort due to his intimidation in order to enter your own home before, and have TOLD him to leave you alone, makes this nonsense fairly open and shut really.

Again: you need a good solicitor, who is very experienced in cases of domestic abuse.

passedgo · 24/12/2013 01:31

Yuk, this is reallt unpleasant now. The Princess thing is odd because it is elevating her into something she's not, but something, to fight over. Suddenly she is precious. But I don't like it because he's not seeing her for who she really is, a vulnerable tiny child that needs security and a happy Mummy.

He is in a strange way distancing himsel from her by making this announcement. This is evidence of his twisted personality.