Thanks for all your replies, I really appreciate it.
He was my childhood sweetheart & we've been together a long time & been through what I considered 'tougher times' and I know I'm not perfect myself.
I'm still attracted to him and he is mostly i think a good dad... Well good when he is around but he could be better & far more involved! (He just picks his parenting moments really)
He does no house work, childcare or cleaning but He cooks sometimes and nearly always makes a Sunday dinner, in fact Sunday is usually the only day we see him all day..He plays with the children around the house but doesn't care to do family outings or even family holidays anymore as he says the children 'ruin it'
Our children are typically very well behaved & hardly ever misbehave in public. I can't believe he has said if I don't collect them they will be left there :( I really hope it was just his frustration talking but he is so stubborn & will not collect them just to make his point. I have a 3 hour drive each way tomorrow so I'll have to try and finish early - not great for my job but I think he wants to make it hard. We would be financially screwed if i didn't have my position though.
On our daughters birthday a few months ago we all went for a walk and flew a kite together which i thought was a turning point but he's declined every time since. So I usually take the children out alone.
I don't have anyone really a couple of friends and work colleagues and my father but all live a distance away. My children are my main company and my whole life really apart from my job.
Dh Occasionally changes a nappy but avoids it wherever possible. He never did any night feeds. I came home 7 hours after giving birth last time and did everything.
In all honesty I don't know what I get from the relationship anymore - the sex is for him when he wants etc, quality family time never happens - the cuddles in bed don't even happen anymore the only days he can take part in are lazy sundays.
He doesn't really buy gifts for birthdays, Xmas etc unless I moan, I received nothing last birthday or last Xmas. But when we argued a few months ago he came home & had bought me a new coat for no reason! He occassionally will bring home wine.
He doesn't buy gits for his family or our children - I do all this. He goes food shopping occasionally perhaps once every 2 months. He doesn't contribute towards anything apart from childcare for the children.
He contributes towards childcare and half towards house bills - that's it! I don't think he has any idea how the children are clothed, shoes etc.
The reason i stay - I think I just see how much happier we were once and how much the children love him and I think I still love him and I hope we could get back there but I think I'm kidding myself.
Crinkeyblimey I'm genuinely envious - I would be over the moon if dh did that.
He use the have his own business but it sunk a few years ago - I kept us a float but it was very hard times & how we are still together now I don't know.
He took this zero hour contract job and I took a promotion but ever since I started providing more say over the last year or so... He seems to work more - I secretly wonder if he feel intimidated. I think he now tries to work over time just to see if he can meet my wages etc - it's not something that bothers me so I don't know why he is so hung up on it if this is the case.
To me as a family everything should be shared it should all go in one pot. I do everything I can to make his life comfortable - I get up in a morning, feed/ dress/ bathe the children then make him coffee, usually do him a pack lunch & see him off. Then I have to get ready, drop the children off at childcare all before 7.45 unless I work from home and the routines a little more relaxed.
I thought the abortion limit was around 20 weeks, it's not something I would consider anyway.
We have spoken about a nanny or au pair before but I like doing things for my children and being hands on. We have the room, my dh is really keen on the idea - I don't even know why as it wouldn't make much difference to him.
I fully intend on going back to work after 4- 6 months maternity leave, I cant afford not too.
I wont forgive or forget what he has said about the baby whether he meant it or not.
I just feel so confused & alone. I think the loneliness gets to me the most. Knowing that although to everyone else we are the happy family that have been together since childhood with happy children but behind closed doors it's just me he's detached.
We haven't spoken since the argument - what should i do? Get up, Sort the children out, go to my meeting as normal and leave early to pick them up just ignore him if he bothers to get in touch?
I don't understand how a parent can say these things or say they won't pick there own flesh and blood up for no reason other than its inconvenient? What is wrong with this man? This isn't who I fell in love with.
I think I will be better of without him but is there any alternatives anyone could think off to try and give him one last final kick in the right direction ?!
Btw - I tried kicking him out once a few months ago in the hope he would realise how gd he has it at home. He went to his mothers & she did everything for him, I don't think he even noticed a difference. He came home after 2 weeks promising he would change... But now we gave this issue it's like back to square 1.
I think things are going to be worst when the baby comes if I don't get things addressed before. Any advise would be really appreciated thanks to everyone that's already commented I've read and took on board then all xxx