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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help

112 replies

watty11 · 10/11/2013 14:25

I'm at a bit of a loss this afternoon and need some help:-(.

I have just found facebook messages between my bf of 6 months and his ex from this week. He is telling her that we are pretty much over and he is going to knock it on the head as he has had enough.

This is complete news to me. We are going on holiday next week????.

I knew they kept in touch but this has left me devasted, and I don't know what to do or why on earth he is saying this, I also have no idea if I should still go on holiday, please help.

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 10/11/2013 14:28

What choice have you got?

He is an arse. Dump him, and take a girl friend on holiday and enjoy yourself.

JuneauWhoIAm · 10/11/2013 14:29

I'd go on holidays alright, with my mum or friend.

You can tell him there's no need to knock anything on the head, you'll save him the trouble.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 14:31

I want to confront him, and find out why he is saying this to her?.

They split up a month before I met him and he has always said she was a b!tch to me etc so why this?. I don't understand how he can say this to her and yet be completely normal with me?.

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 10/11/2013 14:36

Have rid, and sharpish!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 14:37

Always be suspicious of a man who makes a point of telling you his ex was 'a bitch'.... Guess who's the bitch now? Hmm

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/11/2013 14:38

Don't bother confronting him by asking why he is saying this to her. Why waste your breath on such a person?. He needs to be gone from your life as of now.

Someone like he who restarted dating only a month after finishing with the ex was actually someone who should never have embarked on yet another relationship in the first place. I am sorry you got hurt but the fault really lies with him.

Certainly do not go on holiday with him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/11/2013 14:39

Also calling his ex a bitch is a red flag also in relationship terms.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 14:42

Do you think he is still interested in her? I need to talk to him as I feel very betrayed and we have paid for the holiday now

OP posts:
antimatter · 10/11/2013 14:48

of course he is interested in her - he is keeping his options open!

dreamingbohemian · 10/11/2013 14:48

There are two possibilities.

Either he is planning to dump you -- probably after the holiday so as not to ruin it. (This happened to me once)

Or he's not really planning on ending it, but just saying so to keep his ex interested, bond with her, etc, because he still fancies her in some way.

Either way, I'm afraid your relationship is over. I'd cancel the holiday and make him pay you back (or go yourself with someone else).

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 14:49

It really doesn't matter if he's interested or not. He's insulting you and that's really all that matters. Although telling her 'it's all over with the girlfriend' certainly sounds like 'I'm available again'..... so she can't have been that much of a bitch can she? What a liar...

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 14:53

Thanks, Its not good news.

I'm suspicious of the timing as until a month ago she was dating, now she is single and they speak, text or email several times a week and know exactly what the other is up to at all times. But that has been the case for the last 6 months so I figured just friends.

Holiday is a dilemma, can't afford to pay for another and can't change tickets as its a package and would count as a cancellation.

I haven't spoken to him yet, I don't know if I should wait till I am calmer.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 15:02

Lesson II. Platonic friendships between people who used to go out together are rare verging on non-existent. Did it not strike you as odd that this 'bitch' was now his best mate? No point waiting until you are calmer really. Better to have this conversation now and miss out on a holiday with an arsehole, than when you're far from home and can't get back so easily.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 16:25

He's just totally denied it all?.

OP posts:
antimatter · 10/11/2013 16:42

has he deleted it? I guess you didn't print it out

Cabrinha · 10/11/2013 16:55

Doesn't matter if he's denied it, or you've printed it out, you know the truth. Dump him, and just write off the holiday. Or go alone if he doesn't go.
Actually - what DOES matter about his denial is that it really shows you the kind of man he is. Not only does he bitch about you to an ex he is setting up a re-run with, he's prepared to mindfuck you and deny it.
PLEASE walk away now, forget the holiday.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 17:02

I didn't print it no and he has now deleted it and she has blocked me on fb?

He wants to go on holiday still and says I am being paranoid?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 17:05

Oh yes... you're paranoid Hmm. He tells the 'bitch ex' that he's about to dump you in writing and suddenly you're not only the one with the mental health problem but you're also meant to forget such a nasty insult and join him on a holiday?.....

I

don't

think

so....

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 17:08

Thanks, Its all so surreal, but they must have talked immediately after I spoke to him as she has blocked me on facebook.

He says lets just enjoy some sun and talk when we get back, I don't know what to think, i'm going to ask him why she has blocked me suddenly

OP posts:
Tailz · 10/11/2013 17:10

NO NO NO

You are not paranoid, he is a twat. I would dump him now and enjoy the holiday on your own. Seriously, he's not worth it. He's a loser. He cannot deny what he wrote in the message and why would the ex block you if it was all innocent?

You know that if you do go away with him it'll be awful, you won't enjoy it, you won't trust him and you'll wonder why you're bothering so... go alone.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 17:11

He really thinks you're stupid doesn't he? A bit of sunshine will make it all better... Hmm

Tailz · 10/11/2013 17:12

He says lets just enjoy some sun and talk when we get back

Tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck - is he serious? He's playing you however you have a choice. You know why she's blocked you - you don't need to ask him, he's going to lie and make it all your fault!

He's an idiot.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 17:13

BTW... all this frantic FB activity is because they've realised you're onto them. I really wouldn't waste your breath asking questions that you already know the answer to. Certainly wouldn't waste a second more on a man you know to be a big fat liar.

antimatter · 10/11/2013 17:13

yes, he is playing you up

are you living together?

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 17:15

Apparently she has blocked me becuase she is very upset and doesn't want her friendship with him to cause problems, I'm more upset that he is defending her and saying she is just a good friend, the whole thing is horrible, he says if I don't want to go I have to pay him back as I will be ruining his holiday as he can't take anyone else as a change of name equals a cancellation???????

OP posts: