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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help

112 replies

watty11 · 10/11/2013 14:25

I'm at a bit of a loss this afternoon and need some help:-(.

I have just found facebook messages between my bf of 6 months and his ex from this week. He is telling her that we are pretty much over and he is going to knock it on the head as he has had enough.

This is complete news to me. We are going on holiday next week????.

I knew they kept in touch but this has left me devasted, and I don't know what to do or why on earth he is saying this, I also have no idea if I should still go on holiday, please help.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 18:26

Sorry you're having this experience but that's the point of dating really. Knocks the corners off you a bit, reduces your starry-eyed romanticism and wakes you up to how two-faced people can be.... It hurts right now but the positive things to take from it are a) you haven't wasted too much time on this arsehole and b) you won't be quite so trusting again

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 18:28

Its just humiliating, I won't cancel my leave but I don't want work to know what happened

OP posts:
Tailz · 10/11/2013 18:29

SJP83 I don't think you've read the entire thread!

Tailz · 10/11/2013 18:31

It must be humiliating - he has acted dreadfully. I would be very hurt. Do you have anyone in rl that you feel able to confide in though? I know it's hard but at least you could spend the time off doing something nice with them ie a friend/family member.

OttilieKnackered · 10/11/2013 18:32

You should spend the time you've booked off really spoiling yourself. Lie ins, day trips, treatments, whatever you enjoy. And wallow in the bliss of not having to do it in the company of that useless cunt.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 18:32

There's no shame in dumping a boyfriend. You don't need to tell anyone chapter and verse... just 'he turned out to be a knob so I've jacked him in'. You don't have to cancel your leave either. Lots of lovely things you can do with a week or two off this time of year.

DoctorTwo · 10/11/2013 18:37

On the plus side you got rid of a useless nobber. But you miss out on a holiday, which is Sad. But you don't get stuck for a week with him!

Cogito. Platonic friendships between people who used to go out together are rare verging on non-existent.

I'm actually still friends with two exes. They're nice people, and I'd rather be friends with them than not.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 18:38

@DoctorTwo.... then if you're not the one still holding the candle, they are. :)

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 18:40

I don't think I did the dumping here, I'm facebook stalking and they are now in a relationship, I just hope none of my friends see, I feel ashamed and embaressed if anyone finds out as I look pretty disposable.

I'm going to call him now and get some answers, I don't understand how he can switch affections in the space of a day

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MistAllChuckingFrighty · 10/11/2013 18:40

What cog said

You shouldn't feel humiliated, you might have forced his hand but that's a good thing. The most belittling scenario would have been for you to close your eyes and ears and go with him anyway.

As it is, he is dumped and you are fancy-free to move on

Make sure you do, though...go complete no-contact with him now. Any texts from you now will be seen as begging. It stops here Thanks

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 10/11/2013 18:42

No, no, no

Cross posted. Don't demean yourself, love

The best thing you can do here is to be seen to be moving on as quickly as he is, even if you are not

Fake it, until you make it applies here

if you respond to FB statuses by ringing in a strop, that makes you as facile and fickle as him

Rise above it. Seriously, you should have more dignity than this.

Anniegetyourgun · 10/11/2013 18:42

OK, so you've wasted some money getting currency you won't be needing, and have shelled out for some clothes that you are unlikely to wear except on a holiday. I'd still call it a very reasonable amount to pay for getting a cheating, dishonest "boyfriend" out of your life. (And you do still have the clothes - maybe next year eh? With someone new and much nicer?)

HairyGrotter · 10/11/2013 18:42

If I saw this happening to a friend, the last thing I'd think was 'how embarrassing for ", I'd think "Christ, that fella is a cunt".

People won't think ill of you, HE will be the one they are thinking about. You've nothing to feel ashamed of, he's behaved appallingly

Anniegetyourgun · 10/11/2013 18:44

Ooh, cross-posted with your last update. Of course he didn't switch affections in a day; you've noticed him being off with you for a few weeks, haven't you? Be glad that his actions have proved you were right all along. Calling him is really not going to help.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 18:51

Well I did call, wish I hadn't. He sounds happy and apologised for his behaviour, said he should have tried to work things out with her when they first split rather than going out with someone else. But it took him time to think about things and he never meant to hurt me.

He has offered me money to go away with a friend and says he would rather not be in touch any more as they want a fresh start and then he apologised again and asked me not to contact him again.

I wish that made me feel better

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Hissy · 10/11/2013 18:57

What a total tool! Hope he's paying you back the money you spent on that holiday too!

Could you rent a cottage somewhere for a week?

You poor thing, this is awful for you, and anyone would feel nothing but sympathy and concern for you.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 10/11/2013 18:59

Please don't contact him again

Cabrinha · 10/11/2013 18:59

Don't take any money from him, but just go on the holiday and have a good time by yourself.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 19:00

He has offered to yes, that makes me feel worse.

Now he's happy he seems willing to do anything to make me feel better and go away, hence offering money and so many apologies

It just makes me feel like rebound girl

OP posts:
Hissy · 10/11/2013 19:01

X-post - take the money and run! Then delete all forms of contact you have for him.

He asked you not to contact him again?

Tailz · 10/11/2013 19:02

I didn't think his behaviour could get any worse!?

Okay - I would have a Brew and Cake and summon a couple of close friends round to the house for support. You need to be kind to yourself, cry, scream and then in a few days, make a plan. Ultimately you are well rid of a total uncaring, selfish cock but it's probably going to take a while for it to sink in.

Hissy · 10/11/2013 19:03

Why the fuck should she lose out AND suffer the humiliation HE caused?

And for her to find out like she did too?

I'd say that he has to dig fucking deep and cough up.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 19:04

Hasn't really sunk in, I woke up this morning happy and looking forward to 10 days off, I haven't told my family or friends as I don't know where to start or what to say, he has met my mum and dad

OP posts:
Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 19:04

And if I am honest my finger is itching to call again as I just do not undersatnd this

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 10/11/2013 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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