Please help

[watty11]

I'm at a bit of a loss this afternoon and need some help:-(.

I have just found facebook messages between my bf of 6 months and his ex from this week. He is telling her that we are pretty much over and he is going to knock it on the head as he has had enough.

This is complete news to me. We are going on holiday next week????.

I knew they kept in touch but this has left me devasted, and I don't know what to do or why on earth he is saying this, I also have no idea if I should still go on holiday, please help.

watty, don't lower yourself

come on, get a grip

you are debasing yourself if you call again

I know I am, but I just can't believe the whole thing, and I sort of think if I talk to him I will understand, how can you be so close for 6 months and then this

he won't help you

chalk him up as a twat, that is the only "closure" you need

you do realise if you keep contacting him you will be painted as the "lunatic, stalking ex" don't you ?

don't do that to yourself, they are probably laughing at you right now

it's over, move on (or risk a restraining order, and how would that look down the pub?)

6 months is nothing, sorry

I know I am being harsh, but you are making a fool of yourself if you carry on

What do you mean, you are a rebound girl? Clearly, in hindsight, it was a rebound relationship and your now-ex was very unfair and dishonest to you to imply otherwise. (And his ex-ex (?!) is a damned fool to accept someone like that back into her life.) However, that's no reflection on you. You're just a nice girl who got lied to and there isn't really anything different you could have done to change the outcome.

I'm with Hissy on this (when am I not?) Take the money he owes you. Not many of us could wave goodbye to £900 without a wince. The rest, as I said above, is small change and cheap at the price.

I can understand you wanting to call - you want answers, that's natural and 5 hours ago, you were in a relationship and about to go on holiday with him. So, it's a shock ie how can he simply up and walk away in to the arms of someone else??

However, I would possibly try not to call him as I think that whatever he says to you will simply cause more hurt and upset.

He doesn't appear to care and is now happy because he's got his own way and his 'plan' has worked. He will try and push more money at you so that he can stand proudly and tell everyone that he's been 'generous' and done all he can to sort you out (!) but ultimately I don't think you'll ever get the answers you want.

In your position, I would want to go round there and rant and shout and possibly punch him (I know that's wrong!). Can you not at least tell one person in rl at least you can vent at them instead of perhaps calling him again?

Thanks Tailz, yes asked my mate to come round

No point in ranting at him as he sounds happy and won't care

Just a lot to take in I guess

But an earlier comment struck home, if she was that much of a cow why did he keep in constant touch and help her whenever she had problems

I should have realised

... look, there's nothing to understand really, he was with this girl before you and he wasn't over her. You didn't stand a chance; she was already standing at the finishing post by the time you realised there was a race on. It sucks. But calling again... noooooo!

Step away from the phone. Hide it. Do not use it to call him.

Bad idea. Bad.

Watch some crap telly - join the X Factor thread, that'll make you smile.

Go to bed nice and early, then get up put your game face on and style it out. It's his loss, she's a mug and welcome to him, narrow escape-imagine being on holiday with such a massive fuck-arsing twat.

Cross posted again - good plan!

Yes, you should have realised

Calling the ex a bitch and getting together with someone else very quickly is a waving red flag. You have been used.

Next time, you will give a bloke like this a massive swerve or ask Mumsnet first

Thanks Annie, Ive had a few glasses of wine and I know its stupid idea but still twitching fingers

Are you going to call him ?

DO NOT BOIL THE BUNNY

Take the money, of course. You spent a lot for this holiday you're not going on!

But don't call again. I know it's harsh, but what is there to understand? He has actually explained things very simply and from his point of view it's all very logical. You are not going to get any explanation in any more depth.

It sounds like what you really want to understand is how someone could hurt another person like this. But there is no answer to this. It's an eternal question with no answer. People hurt each other all the time, everywhere, it sucks but there is no explanation other than that sometimes people are selfish jerks, and that's human nature.

Lol no boiling I promise, just a bit lost and want comfort but he can't give that

I agree I have been used but how could he have held a torch for 6 months plus? she met someone else very quickly as well

Oh God, poor you. The horrible truth sounds like they never broke up, emotionally speaking, just stopped sleeping together. Nothing you did, said or the person you were could have altered or affected that situation. They weren't either of them genuinely open to real new relationships - what a pair of users. I very much hope they remain together and spare others the horror of their company!

Take the money - why should you be out of pocket because of his shitty behaviour? And humiliating as it is to you, honestly people getting back with exes is painfully common, and nobody else will think less of you - just him, because of how he did it.

Don't contact him other than a text to accept his offer to ensure you aren't out of pocket. The reality is he remained connected to her and this blocked the chances of you two forming a deep connection. It's not you at all, it's him, so there is nothing to understand. He's just a bit of a wimp who couldn't cope with being alone, but never got over the ex. No reflection on you whatsoever because he was never open to a serious commitment to you.

DELETE HIS NUMBER AND TEXTS FROM YOUR PHONE!!!!

It's the only way you won't be able to contact him. If you call him you'll end up feeling a million times worse!!!!

It sounds like what you really want to understand is how someone could hurt another person like this. But there is no answer to this. It's an eternal question with no answer. People hurt each other all the time, everywhere, it sucks but there is no explanation other than that sometimes people are selfish jerks, and that's human nature.

This. This exactly.

In a year you'll be over him, and remember him with vague contempt. So please keep your dignity, or you'll feel [embarrassed] every time you remember how you were. Hold your head high and drop all contact - it's the only way to feeling better sooner, rather than later.

(((Annie)))

Keep talking to us love, then go put the sim car in the freezer, WAAY to the back.

Stick with us love, you're WAY too good for that loser.

tbh, that off/on ex is on to a loser.

You are out of it and tbh, that's better than where she's at!

Also agree with deletion and you need to with Facebook, too. In fact I'd block him. That way you won't have any overlap on threads etc. to contend with.

Thank you all, he has transferred the money to my account, I think for him thats it now so I will not contact again.

I will beware of anyone in such constant contact with a recent ex when I get back out there. And I am about to scream, drink and rant at my girlfriend and mock all his failings

Bitter moi

So in the space of one hour he went from... she doesn't want a boyfriend right now, to them going on holiday together.

You are well rid OP.

Sounds like a good plan