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Original poster

Please help

112 replies

watty11 · 10/11/2013 14:25

I'm at a bit of a loss this afternoon and need some help:-(.

I have just found facebook messages between my bf of 6 months and his ex from this week. He is telling her that we are pretty much over and he is going to knock it on the head as he has had enough.

This is complete news to me. We are going on holiday next week????.

I knew they kept in touch but this has left me devasted, and I don't know what to do or why on earth he is saying this, I also have no idea if I should still go on holiday, please help.

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 10/11/2013 17:16

Laugh and tell him to shove the holiday up his arse, and he's to lump it.

What a cunt.

Tailz · 10/11/2013 17:17

End it and tell him that you won't be paying him a penny.

He thinks more of her than he does of you. HE has already ruined the holiday, remind him that you haven't done a thing wrong.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 17:18

The phrase you want is 'nice try dickwad'... :) You don't owe him a cent.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 17:18

He's coming round to talk

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 10/11/2013 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 10/11/2013 17:20

He will talk you round, won't he ?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/11/2013 17:25

Here's how it goes.... he will now own up to the messages but he will say that it wasn't how it looked. His batshit crazy ex wanted him to say it was over so he was humouring her. She's un-FB'd herself because she's so embarrassed....

Have the popcorn and Booker Prize for Fiction ready OP.

TSSDNCOP · 10/11/2013 17:26

I'm betting he can change the holiday into her name, and will do as soon as the travel agent opens tomorrow.

If you shell out your half to him that'll be some handy spends too.

Time for your big girl pants OP. You saw what you saw. You know she was his first call after you confronted him.

Tell him to do one, sharpish.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 10/11/2013 17:30

OP, are you now goign to doubt the evidence of your own eyes ?

There are only three possible explanations for what you saw

  1. he is going to dump you some time very soon

  2. he is shagging both of you (or wants to, given half a chance, which amounts to the same thing)

  3. some utter bullshit he will invent, hoping you are too loved-up/stupid to notice

  4. and 2) and 3) should have the same outcome... dump him immediately

Cabrinha · 10/11/2013 17:50

You sound like you are wanting to believe him. Please don't. You are worth more than this. He's probably cheated on you already, he certainly intends to, he's disrespected you to his ex and lied outright about what you saw with your own eyes.
Why oh why are you even bothering to let him come and talk?!
This is better news that it's him that paid for the holiday. So you're not even losing any money. Save up for a nice break of your own. Do not go with him. Please, have some pride.
Tell him to fuck off, and if he mentions the holiday and especially the money, tell him to fuck off some more.

She's blocked you on fb so as not to cause a problem. The other one has bells on...

Just don't even talk to him. I know that you'll be feeling a need to understand... what you have to realise is that he will feed you a pack of (more) lies, so you won't even get that understanding.

He's an arsehole, walk away.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 17:51

He called as he couldn't actually come over. I said why don't you take her and he said she doesn't want a boyfrind yet?!???? I must admit I got very upset and cried and he said I'm not doing this on the phone, he actually doesn't seem bothered at all, a bit numb at the moment, he was almost dissmisive

OP posts:
Tailz · 10/11/2013 17:56

I'm sorry you're upset but really, you need to walk away. Go on the holiday on your own and have a rest and a break. I've been away on my own numerous times and love it ie you get to make your own schedule and people always chat to you/ask you to join them if that's what you want.

He isn't bothered because he's already checked out emotionally.

I'm sorry that he's being such a twat, it's cruel but as I said before, you have a choice - you either sit and allow him to walk over you or you take control, make choices and plan for the future.

Finola1step · 10/11/2013 18:03

Sounds like its done OP. Have you got the tickets/ booking confirmation? If so, go by yourself. Get some sun, lick your wounds a bit. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, chin up and walk away.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 18:05

Thanks, hes paying 100% cancellation charge to take her, holiday was 900 each so I couldn't afford to do same and take one of my friends.

All surreal to have happened in a few hours today, he seems relieved despite the cost which is making me more upset

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 10/11/2013 18:10

So he's taking her now?! Jesus wept, what a jebend

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 10/11/2013 18:11

What an utter shit-bag.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 18:12

I think he always wanted to once she split with her boyfriend, but we had already booked it so I have forced his hand, he must be serious to pay that much.

Just wish I had more of an idea, don't know what I will tell friends and work and I had bought clothes etc for the holiday and currency, just in disbelief

OP posts:
Matildathecat · 10/11/2013 18:14

So sorry. That's properly insulting and vile.

Be glad you now know his true colours. She's a bloody fool. Hope it rains, they get terrible diarrhoea and their luggage gets lost.

You take a week of retail therapy, facials and girly fun. You'll be glad this happened one day. (Well glad you found out)

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 10/11/2013 18:14

I'm sorry you're hurt and upset OP, but at least you're not longer with a two timing shit head. It sounds like he was planning on shagging you then dumping you after the holiday. If his ex is prepared to put up with that kind of man then more fool her.

Its crap for you though and I'm just sorry you're now feeling like crap because of his behaviour.

holstenlips · 10/11/2013 18:16

Awful..so sorry but let her have the lying cheating scumbag. She will have the worry of that now.

Tailz · 10/11/2013 18:17

What an utter tool. How hurtful. I am sorry. He's a coward and has no respect.

I know this isn't your main worry right now but can you take the annual leave and go and visit family or friends in another City ie at least it will minimise the questions from work colleagues.

daughterofafarmer · 10/11/2013 18:20

Oh my goodness, this is horrid. Poor you.

I'd still take the time off work or at least have a few days off to regroup. Can you maybe visit your parents or a friend? You have done nothing wrong, friends and work will understand and be hugely shocked.

What an utter utter shit!

DaveGahanAndADeckchair · 10/11/2013 18:21

Can you tell him to fuck off and go away by yourself? I would.

Original poster
watty11 · 10/11/2013 18:21

Thanks, going to take the dog for a long walk and turn my phone off to stop me sending any texts.

I should have seen the signs in all honestly, he's been too tired to have sex for the last few weeks and refused to make plans for xmas, I'm guessing this coincided with her becoming single, it was always strange that they were in touch nearly every day, and they just talked trivia like work, friends, there was nothing sexual but any thing that happened to either of them they would be straight on the phone to each other. I should have realsied but the messages and conversations were so innocous I let it go

OP posts:
SJP83 · 10/11/2013 18:23

Nooooooooo! Do NOT go on holiday with him!