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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

The dating thread 65

999 replies

Queenofthedrivensnow · 03/11/2013 22:09

OP posts:

LetsCancelChristmas · 01/12/2013 21:49

Its genuinely uplifting to hear some tales of cheer! I'm a horribly impatient sort and I love being loved - who doesn't?! My self preservation is on the increase but it's pretty woeful, how exactly does one work on that?!?

dontcallmehon · 01/12/2013 23:01

Thanks all, it is lovely.

I dropped my phone in water today, so we have been chatting on facebook. Think it must be pretty obvious to my other friends on there how well we get on. We're a bit blunt and slightly dry with each other. I'm making him do the MBTI personality test. I'm convinced he's an INTJ (so am I!)

Stupid wedding plans sound so exciting!

Hormonal I would always go for the one who makes your heart flutter, but I suppose that can develop later.

Stupidhead · 02/12/2013 08:30

Wear his tshirt!

Hormonal, in the words of Johnny Depp (who was never on pof when I was single) if you have to choose between two then go for the second. As if the first was all that then you wouldn't have even considered the second. I'm sure he worded it better though!

superdooperpenguin · 02/12/2013 09:24

Hormonal - what a nice predicament to have! Agree with the others, go for whoever gives you butterflies!

Stupid - so happy things are going so well for you.

Knowing - If you want no strings then just go for it. Meet him for a drink, suss him out and go from there. Don't pre-plan, just see what happens when you meet. But make sure you tell someone where you are!

Christmas - I hate being single, especially at this time of year. I'm reading 'He's just not that into you' at the moment, basically sounds like me and every guy I've dated in the last 10 years!

Guy from Wed eve has been trying to pin me down to a second date. I'm genuinely too busy with work and kids to meet up over the next couple of weeks and told him that...haven't heard from him since. I'm feeling horribly guilty! Why, oh why can't I be attracted to someone nice for a change?!

ALittleStranger · 02/12/2013 10:06

Butterflies can be misleading though. Sometimes they can really be telling you that you're nervous, or they can disappear pretty quickly.

Sorry Hormonal I'm just grumpy. Also in a having to choose situation and not enjoying it at all.

Poffedoff · 02/12/2013 11:27

Hormonal have you arranged any
more dates yet with either of them? Mr odd job man sounds great, a wedding invite to me means he's very comfortable with you and eager for others to know you're together..

Gaga I hope you're enjoying your break from od, it can be wearing sometimes especially after a disappointment like you had..

Dontcallme it sounds like you and geeky are well and truly a couple... Have you made any plans yet for Xmas?

I didn't get to see pof guy this weekend... Our schedules clashed for the first time ever, we've always managed at least one date a week... The lDR thing is starting to show cracks, would love to be able to hook up for a movie or meal during the week, that kind of thing... on the plus side I had a fab night out with the girls sat night, rolled into bed at dawn!

Poffedoff · 02/12/2013 11:28

Are you any closer to choosing alittlestranger? Whats your gut saying?

Poffedoff · 02/12/2013 11:32

Oneday, I hate when life gets in the way too... did you say you were going away for 2 weeks soon? Anywhere nice?

micshi · 02/12/2013 11:40

I've been lurking for ages without posting. I had a second date with a guy on Saturday night & we planned a third date until he walked me home & saw how big my house is. It's only a 1930s semi, you'd have thought I live in a palace & I do have 3 kids! Next morning, he cancels our third date with some lame excuse & is back on POF all day!
Seriously, I've never got past a 2nd date with anyone, how long does it usually take to find someone half decent online?!

Aknowinggrin · 02/12/2013 12:10

Btw niceguy made an appearance last evening and we messaged until the early hours ... apparently he thought I would like a break at the weekend after messaging all week? . He also wants to wait a little longer to meet up as he wants to 'get to know me' first.... not used to guys not wanting to meet up straight away ... should I be suspicious?

Aknowinggrin · 02/12/2013 12:12

Oh and poff I haven't roll onto bed at dawn for years .... very

LetsCancelChristmas · 02/12/2013 12:13

Hi knowing, I'm newish on here but - er, a break? Excuse me??
I'm a naturally suspicious sort of gal, so YES! I'd be thinking he was putting me off while he's dating someone else, sees how that goes... But like I say - that's how my head works.

Is often the case though

Bant · 02/12/2013 12:17

Knowing - this is the guy who just wants something casual?

Sounds like he was with his wife and kids all weekend. Maybe not, but all the red flags are waving..

Aknowinggrin · 02/12/2013 12:24

No no no sorry didn't explain myself ... I nipped it in the bud with hot guy. This is a guy I've been messaging with for the last week or so on GSM; he's very much single with no kids etc and he's said he is looking for a long term relationship etc

powpow80 · 02/12/2013 12:24

Afternoon. Hope everyone had a nice weekend. No dating for me over the weekend. I did do a charity run yesterday and won a prize for best costume. Woo hoo. Worth spending my Saturday night surrounded by tinsel, baubles, lights and about a thousand safety pins.

Knowing- that sounds really suspicious to me. A break from texting at the weekend. I'd say it's more he can't text at weekend.To be honest it sounds like he is married or already attached. How does he expect to get to know you without meeting you?

Hormonal- how is the decision making going?

Don't- sounds like everything is going brilliantly. Fantastic.

Stupid- at your great news.

Aknowinggrin · 02/12/2013 12:27

He wasn't online for the whole weekend either.... and we do message every evening for a few hours. He did say he works extremely long hours during the week and sometimes needs his own space at the weekend.... Mmmm ... maybe amber flag?

powpow80 · 02/12/2013 12:36

Knowing are you 100% sure he is single? Him saying he is really busy during the week and needs time to himself at weekends would make me wonder when he would have time to fit dating in.

Some guys on dating sites say one thing and mean another. I messaged a guy last night who had wants a relationship in his profile. He admitted that he is only looking to get laid and thought he could get more girls to sleep with him by saying he wants a relationship.

Sorry I'm not trying to be a negative nelly. Hopefully I am wrong in what I says earlier.

Aknowinggrin · 02/12/2013 12:44

Thank you all. I'll probably bring it up and see what he says... He does message every night for hours, surely if he was attached he would be then with her?

How do you all know for sure whether someone is 100% single? We all know it's all BS until it actually happens

Bant · 02/12/2013 13:52

Knowing - I think the only way to know for sure if someone is 100% single is to have gone back to theirs and spent time with them to make sure they're not seeing someone else. Knowing they're not married is easier, as presumably they'd be living with their OH.

I wouldn't say that him saying he needs his space on the weekend is an amber flag per se - but him saying he didn't get in touch so as to give you a break is a bit amberish. In a 'I did something you wouldn't like, so I'm going to blame you for it' type of way.

I dated the Artist this time last year for about 2 weeks, following emails online for a week and a bit, I think. She texted me every night, she called me for hours, I at first responded enthusiastically and then to be honest out of politeness. She'd text me from work and get annoyed if I didn't answer within a couple of minutes, she wanted to skype me so she could 'meet' my kids, and wanted to meet them in person. She was, in the end, unnervingly intense.

I wanted someone who would respond to my texts when I was in the mood to chat, occasionally start a conversation herself but know instinctively when I wasn't in a chatty mood, and leave me alone when I was with my DC. I know this is ridiculous and unrealistic and a bit selfish, but I live in hope that I'll meet someone who won't take offence when I tell them to cool it a bit, and know I'm not trying to break things off, just to go at my own pace. People have different rhythms at different times, and finding someone who matches those rhythms and who matches yours is a tough job, not necessarily an amber or red flag.

Some women love texting, some men do, some don't. But as with any OD related thing, don't read too much into it. Wait for him to initiate the evening texts if he's feeling put upon by the intensity so far.

I'd also meet sooner rather than later because it is, as we say, all bullshit until it happens. If he's not willing to ask you out sooner, drop into conversation that someone else wants to meet, and you'd like to see if he's ever going to bother asking you for a drink. If he likes you, he'll ask. If he doesn't, drop him.

Fail fast, fail cheap.

JustALittleGreen · 02/12/2013 14:52

Jammy cancelled. We were supposed to be meeting this evening, texting all Friday, he mentioned he was coming down with a cold, then no text Saturday. I text him on Sunday to confirm todays date and he said sorry, he'd been in bed all weekend but definitely still on. He's just text now to say he's feeling rubbish and can't make it but would like to meet when he's feeling better.

Ugh, feel really down, was looking forward to it and did really want to meet him. Is he bullshitting?

Aknowinggrin · 02/12/2013 15:08

Thank you Bant as helpful as ever . You couldn't say that I have been too intense on him, quite the opposite (i.e. not initiating texts in the evenings or messaging at all during the day as I know he's busy at work). I'll wait until Weds and if he hasn't mentioned about a date I'll follow your advice about someone else wanting to meet. I do know he's talking to other people ('but nothing happening yet' according to him ......yet? ) so it might make me sound a bit dependable perhaps as he's certainly not asking me whether he can meet those other women or not iykwim...

just lots of colds around at the moment ... he could very possibly be telling the truth; and he has suggested setting another date so I would say he's being honest imo

Hormonalhell · 02/12/2013 16:05

Just I think he's being honest too, nowt worse than meeting someone looking like Rudolph's twin

I've finished it with mr browneyes he just seemed to be cooling off anyway and I like mr oddjobman a lot more and I think we on the same page in terms of commitment

JustALittleGreen · 02/12/2013 16:08

Thanks, I will reply saying I hope he feels better soon and then just see what happens. I just tried to look at his profile on gsm ans it says no longer available. So, maybe he's found a girlfriend? Or just giving up on the whole thing?

Sounds like you made the right decision for you, hormonal.

LividofLondon · 02/12/2013 16:39

He also wants to wait a little longer to meet up as he wants to 'get to know me' first.... not used to guys not wanting to meet up straight away ... should I be suspicious?

Possibly Knowing. My preference is to chat for a little while online to check we'll not hate each other, but to meet fairly quickly. I don't do spending ages getting to know someone online or via text or phone because the only way to really gauge chemistry is in the flesh. I've wasted too much time on the past developing virtual relationships only to not gel when we meet.

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