The dating thread 65

[Queenofthedrivensnow]

Stupidhead perhaps you ought to come and live here-the country with the on average tallest men in the world

I also know that DTD on the first date does not mean that is all the man is after.

Black Pepper Woman replied to my text-she answered that she did have a nice weekend,but did not say anything about my statement that I would like to see her again.

Cheese Woman also replied and said that she would like to see me again,so I am happy about that.

If a man thinks DTD on a first date is bad. That says far more about the man.

Ok, I'm joining you.

I've put it off, and wandered in and out of these dating threads (don't think I've ever posted) but now I'm joining you.

I've got a lunch date with someone tomorrow and, supposedly, a date on Friday night.

I'm sure I'm going to need some advice. My OD experience is making me feel a little jaded...

DTD on 1st date can work - I dated a guy for 4 months after this - BUT he lived a long drive away (2 hours) and neither of us was prepared to move.

I also DTD with a 9 month relationship French chef - it was either same night I met him or soon after.

I don't DTD on 1st date now, or any time soon. but I think it does say more about the man/society in general (rather than woman) who is being judgmental.

Posh men - tend to avoid like plague.

HOWEVER, met a trustafarian - he lived off his trust fund through family business we met on MatchAffinity - he was nice enough, good looking enough but he had slight diabetes mostly because he ate too much rich/sweet food. He also was a bit strange whereas he went to USA met a woman and married her within 6 months. they divorced soon after. He then (wonder why?) lived on streets of New York for oooh a week trying to prove a point to his wealthy family. He probably could have married me, was VAIRY keen but after the oh I slept on the streets I'm so hardcore and it's hard to be rich - he had a flat in London bought for him (Earls Court) would get house etc bought for him and got charity jobs (Cancer Research fundraising for them) for something to do.

Our last date was at London restaurant owned by brother of Piers Morgan whom he promptly introduced me to. I was getting bored of this - we'd been dating oooh a few months now.

Can't believe I passed up opportunity to be a lady of leisure but he was boring as fuck and watching him peel off notes etc. just made me cringe.

Hi all... Just to add my tuppence worth I don't necessarily think dtd on the first date is a sure sign of the guy being a player...myself and pof guy did and here we are 6 months later!

Welcome folkgirl... I certainly recognise your name but it's probably from other threads.. good luck with the coffee date, tell us how it goes,

Just read over that last post and realised I shouldn't be giving the impression myself and pof guy are rock steady!

I'm veeery confused right now... After our chat and lovely 2 days together he has retreated big time... I think I've instigated every text since I saw him.. He replies straight away, all perfectly pleasant and we're making plans for a night away this weekend BUT... I feel something has changed... Could he be sulking/embarrassed at being caught out on pof? I certainly don't think I was out of order asking him about it but wondering now if I should keep instigating texts or just leave it... So bloody strange.

Pof well, from the outside, it looks like you caught him out, he's managed to wriggle out of it by feeding you a line (sorry) but of course it's changed things. You quite rightly don't really trust him and on his part I would imagine there is guilt and embarrassment, plus whatever motivated him to go back on the dating site won't have miraculously disappeared.

I would tread very, very carefully here, protect yourself emotionally as much as you can as this kind of thing gives me a very bad feeling. On the other hand, I've been in a similar situation myself, which didn't end well, so maybe I'm just a bit cynical and jaded.

I'd be tempted to leave it with the texts and see what happens. Have you actually booked somewhere for this weekend?

Life is really too short to waste time with someone who blows hot and cold like this. I don't know if you remember me at all, but last year when I started dating I had a six/seven month relationship with a bloke who was like this and I suffered from horrible anxiety with not knowing where I stood despite him saying he loved me and making plans for the future. (And yes, it was this man I found back on the dating site ho hum). We split up when I told him I wasn't prepared to put up with it any more and I learned a huge lesson not to put up with the crumbs from any man's table ever again.

The big question is whether this man and your relationship make you happy.

OhWesternWind very wise words there. It is a lovely feeling when you get rid of the guy who doesn't make you feel good and realise just how bad he made you feel. Weight off the shoulders. Everyone deserves better than crumbs.

I second the not texting again. Who knows the reasons for backing off, but it is what he appears to be doing. As has been said a million times he will make the effort if interested. Totally get why you are confused. Pretty shit thing for him to do.

Had a lovely talk about dating with a friend over the weekend. Had been feeling a bit jaded and meh about it. Am now feeling a bit more positive and have decided to be a bit more selective. Lets see how that goes. Chatting to three guys who I would be interested in meeting. Not my usual type but am broadening my horizons a little.

Dontcallmehon that sounds like things are off to a flying start with geeky guy

I have nothing much to report except lots of texts from gap yah. Of the no snog.
Anyway...just logged on to pof and spotted the bloke I dated in the spring Who was divorced because he cheated on his wife while she was on mat leave with their baby. I am well shot of that! Everyone I've told that story to has been v shocked. He looks very young and innocent though

Thanks ohwestern... I was only lurking when you were here last but I do remember some of your story.., thanks for your post, sounds scarily close to how things seem to be panning out here.
As a matter of interest what was your guys reaction when you finished it? Did he seem bothered or relieved? I'm wondering now are these guys just cowardly, not wanting to have to be the ones to walk away?
I can't fathom why they repeatedly seem to say one thing but not back it up with their actions! If I wanted out I would welcome being asked about it, surely it makes the task much easier to do if the other person instigates the conversation?
I've given him every opportunity to tell me what he wants and it's always the same answer.. me!

To answer your question ohwestern, no,he is most definitely not making me happy right now... Think the writings on the wall

How are you doing now dating-wise?

Queen, are you still feeling a bit meh?
When are you due to meet up again?

Think the dips and dives are normal with this dating lark powpow... Id say I'll be taking a little break from it myself after all this..
Thanks for the advice, I'm most definitely not texting him again (doesn't mean my stomach doesn't lurch every time I get one though!)
3 dates?? Tell us more

I think technically he actually finished it Pof after I told him I was fed up with crumbs. He was going to come over so we could talk, then he phoned up and said he wasn't coming, so that was the end of that. However, he keeps texting and phoning me every few weeks but I just ignore him. Apparently he misses me. Ha. I think he liked having me around for sex and company but only on his terms, all take and no give, and he just wasn't ready for a proper relationship.

I'm blissfully happy now with a lovely lovely man who I met on Match a few weeks later. We've just had a week away together and things really couldn't be better. He's just wonderful, and luckily he thinks the same about me. Long may it continue

How heartwarming ohwestern, there's hope for us all yet!

Poffedoff the good old stomach lurch and the disappointment when it's just one of your friends Have experienced the mehs with pof many times before.

Does anyone else think they show you the same 30 guys all the time? They must be as sick as looking at my face as I am of theirs.

Don't have three dates lined up, I wish. It's just chatting to three guys I would like to go on a date with. I usually would ask someone if I was interested but am wondering if it is best to wait for them to ask. Have had a few penpals so want to avoid that. Just think its time for a new approach for me. Do the gents on here like being asked out on OD sites?

OWW you sound very happy. I get aargh about the guys who don't want a relationship with you but still want to keep you in their little pocket in case nothing better comes along. I dated someone a while back who did this. Said I was gorgeous, that the chemistry was great, that he really fancied me and loved spending time with me. But couldn't give a relationship the time it deserved. Like you I get texts now and again. Eh feck off.

Yes, it's a totally different relationship to the one with the hot and cold bloke - coming up to six months now and it's just so very easy, it all feels right, there's no tension or angst or difficulty at all. We are so happy together. This is how it's supposed to be.

Going to go back to lurking now, but good luck to you all.

Thanks for the welcome Poff

I said on one of my threads this morning that I think where I'm going wrong is being "lovely" and "sweet". Pretty much every man I've met has described me as such.

I've also had, attractive, pretty, cool, quirky, sexy and the like, but every single one has described me as "lovely" and "sweet".

Men don't want a lovely, sweet woman evidently!

It appears that lovely geeky guy has not been back on pof since we DTD. Of course, if he checks he'll see that I've been on - but only to check on him!

Folk girl - gap yah told me today I was sweet - I was a bit meh about it.

I am still generally meh about gap yah - so much nice contact so little action! Plus the exh/ow thing. Meh meh meh

Delighted for you ohwestern...do drop by again, it's a reminder to all of us here still looking that there are silver linings now and again

Queen, he really needs to get the finger out soon and put his words into actions... How are you replying to his texts? Are they a bit meh or are you reciprocating his compliments?

My ex seems to have a finely tuned radar when it comes to my emotional state... He's really ramped up the "I miss you" texts... it's almost like he can sense my vulnerability over the pof guy situation!

Dontcall, it sounds like gap yah's a runner when's the date with dimples? Tomorrow? As a matter of Internet does gap yah know he has some competition?

I too would love to hear some of the men's opinions on all of this say one thing, mean another dilemma... Any thoughts guys?

Dontcallme I meant geeky guy, not gap yah! Oops

My Wednesday lunch date has texted to tell me he's looking forward to meeting me tomorrow.

He's older than I'd ideally go for, but he's intelligent and has a look about him that I find rather attractive. So fingers crossed for a nice afternoon if nothing else.

Ohwestern your post gives me such hope! It's true what you say tho, it should be calm, easy and if they did care they wouldn't make you feel second best. Since joining this thread I've totally changed my attitude towards dating as their has been such useful advice and it's working with Donny (my latest OD interest) I'm just not analysing nothing and keeping cool, calm n collected and he's chasing me! Hope the day goes well Saturday.

Hope things get better Queen.

Poffed don't let the ex worm his way back, they are exes for a reason!

Dontcall, sounds good for you

My main criteria is

• someone I can get along with (so intelligent, educated, similar social attitude)

• someone who is interesting (interests/hobbies outside of 'watching footie with me mates')

• someone I can do stuff with (openness to new experiences is essential!)

• someone I wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen with if we bumped into friends/family

• someone I can have lots of really good sex with (completely lacking in my marriage)

Folk I'm loving that list! I've been trying to compile my own criteria too,

I never put much effort into it before because I was really only looking for casual dating...now, after this experience with pof guy, I need to put some serious thought into what qualities I really want in a partner.
I didn't pick him initially for any solid reason other than he was gorgeous, confident and sexy... ideal qualities for a fuckbuddy, not so much for a partner
He still hasn't contacted me today. Cock.