Just found out my OH is married. Should I tell his wife? How?

[Anniemannie]

I'm 24, and I met my OH after bumping into him a number of places around the city- it started off as sort of a joke but then it was TOO much of a coincidence and he asked me out officially with the line "you're probably already planning to go but would you like to go to X with me next weekend?"

He's great- sexy, clever, compassionate. He's quite a bit older than me but it's never really felt like it, we have a lot in common.

Neither of us have ever said we're looking for something official. I DID trust him with everything but I'm in no rush to get married, I'm not the sort of person to do anything without considering it thoroughly. We've been seeing each other about a year, we've gone away a lot but we spend a lot of time in the city as well so I never had the feeling he was hiding anything. I've met his sister and friends, but was never officially introduced as his OH, but I liked that.

Anyway, I go to a local bar tonight and he's there. With a woman and two teenage daughters who are clearly twins and clearly his, he didn't see me but I watched for 10 minutes and saw all his little touches to his wife's shoulder, pats to her knee, and at one point, a brief kiss on top of her head when he left the table to go to the bar.

I'm shaking. What do I do?

[Kikibee]

I stroke my brothers knee, to tease him :)

Don't jump to conclusions op, ask him to explain without accusing him

[WipsGlitter]

Im confused. Where are you and he now?

[BOF]

There was those younger teenagers too in Brookie, reeling. I remember it because I was dating the boy in RL and hugely excited he was going to be on telly. Until his character turned out to be massively creepy . Went off him after that.

OP, are you saying you are still at the bar?

[bigTillyMint]

This must be awful for you, but please remember his teenage daughters (as well as his poor wife) if you do go to confront him.

[RegTheMonkey]

Best sleep on it. Then next time you speak to him you can say 'I was in X wine bar the other night ...' and pause and see what happens next. Best to do anything with a cool, clear head.

[Mapleissweet]

Take a photo then text him saying 'these friends'?

Or wait for him to pop to the loo and bump into him and await his reaction.

[AnkaretLestrange]

Or number 4, stop fannying around like a character in a chick lit novel and call him now, tell him you saw him, find out what the score is and then make a reasoned decision.

[sandiy]

Text him back,Really I would have thought your wife and kids would be keeping you entertained.Thats a very pretty top she's wearing.Comment on the colour and watch the fucker sweat.

[worley]

I would have had to go over an speak by now..
The thing is.. If you don't acknowledge where and who he is with and you bring it up later.. And he then has a perfectly believable reason for who he's with and why.. He may ask if why you saw him there why did you not speak...
So you could go speak and say you didn't want to appear rude you you friend by not saying hi......

[Anniemannie]

This is so tragic. I'm in this dingy pub halfway home, trying to pull myself together. I don't want to humiliate his wife in public, I've called my best friend and she's meeting me but I haven't told her what's happened. I know she's going to be furious.

[Lweji]

Exactly like Worley said.

If you simply don't dump him with this evidence, he'll snake out of it with an explanation and you'll never know.

Better if you let her tell you who she is.

[DorothyBastard]

If you're still there I'd text him and casually mention where you are, then see what he says/does.

[PukingCat]

What if your wrong and you send him a photo of himself, you'll look like a stalker!

[invicta]

Hope you are okay. I'm glad you didn't confront her or the twins, as it's unfair on them to reveal everything in public. They are innocents in this as well.

[MushroomFuckerSoup]

Text 'I'm in so-and-so bar, come and join me' and watch him look round....

[TwoStepsBeyond]

Reply "oh yes, I saw you at xx with your friends, but I didn't like to intrude as it all looked very cosy" but be prepared for some bollocks excuse if you show your hand first.

Perhaps you could pre-empt it by asking if they're friends you know/have met. At least that way if he says "just a couple of blokes from work" or something you know it's totally out of order.

I like the idea of sending a photo or doing a Facebook "check in" at the same place.

[JumpingJackSprat]

Text him telling him you know he isn't with friends.. I would rather know if I was his wife.

[LynetteScavo]

Ok, OK, the twins might not be his....but he is definately being over familiar witha other woman.

I'd usually say, don't tell the wife and ruin her nice life....but if you were going to, you'd need to know where she lived, etc...so you need to make sure there actually is a wife and children....(Very few older men don't have children, lets be honest).

[BOF]

Ankaret, we must lead sheltered lives

[Gruntfuttock]

AnkaretLestrange but that would be madness! No one would do such a thing.

[MushroomFuckerSoup]

Text 'I'm in so-and-so bar, come and join me' and watch him look round....

[Putitonthelist]

he's just replied saying he's meeting some friends then off home for an early night "wish I had some company"

Tell him great, you'd love to keep him company - what time suits him?

[Strumpetron]

I would have honestly walked past him and made sure he saw me.

Hope you're okay OP, you will be once you fuck him off. What a twat/

[JumpingJackSprat]

I guess the troll hunters know that troll hunting is against the rules Yes?