Just found out my OH is married. Should I tell his wife? How?

[Anniemannie]

I'm 24, and I met my OH after bumping into him a number of places around the city- it started off as sort of a joke but then it was TOO much of a coincidence and he asked me out officially with the line "you're probably already planning to go but would you like to go to X with me next weekend?"

He's great- sexy, clever, compassionate. He's quite a bit older than me but it's never really felt like it, we have a lot in common.

Neither of us have ever said we're looking for something official. I DID trust him with everything but I'm in no rush to get married, I'm not the sort of person to do anything without considering it thoroughly. We've been seeing each other about a year, we've gone away a lot but we spend a lot of time in the city as well so I never had the feeling he was hiding anything. I've met his sister and friends, but was never officially introduced as his OH, but I liked that.

Anyway, I go to a local bar tonight and he's there. With a woman and two teenage daughters who are clearly twins and clearly his, he didn't see me but I watched for 10 minutes and saw all his little touches to his wife's shoulder, pats to her knee, and at one point, a brief kiss on top of her head when he left the table to go to the bar.

I'm shaking. What do I do?

He sounds weird to me.

How come, after 'accidentally' bumping into you (stalking?) so often, he isn't so concnerned about such co-incidences that he wouldn't imagine that one day you would see him with his family, or his family would see him with you? In a local bar?

Is it some v dangerous game he likes to play?

Anyway - get the hell out, and don't stop to cause complications with telling his wife. You don't know her, his marriage isn't his business, and not yours to use as a revenge weapon. Just tell him it is over and block him.

Really sorry this has happened - very upsetting.

Just look after yourself, focus on you, and leave him well behind.

Thank goodness you found out now!

Woman could be a relative (cousin, aunt etc) hence family likenesses.

'his marriage is his business'

You can simply dump him, but if you are looking for an explanation don't ask him.
Definitely go there and let him introduce you and them. If he's married I'd enjoy seeing him sweat, even if you don't tell them anything.

Yeah go up and let him sweat.

I always think i would rather know if i were the wife.

If I was his wife I would not thank you for telling me. I would rather not know. And I would believe that you were telling me to be malicious. And the end of the day your job is to end a relationship with a guy who is such a lying snake that he is not even honest with his mistress about the fact that she is a mistress! It is not your job to decide what his wife knows. It is for her to figure out who her husband is, if she wants to.

Tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her tell her......

Not around daughters. But do TELL HER. It will only be someone else if its not you. She needs to know what a cunt she has married and a chance to start her life again with someone that won't do this to her.

I hope you find someone worth while aswell, I'm sure you will!

So really you have several options:

1. Leave and never look back.
2. Leave and make sure he see's you, he might come after you and introduce you or call you too explain.
3. Go over when the girls have left the table and introduce yourself and ask 'who' his friend is?
4. Take a photo and send it too him
5. Go over the the bar and ask the staff if they have seen him and the family before. Bar staff see everything!

Text him and ask what he's doing this evening as you're in x and fancy meeting up.

Then watch him sweat.

Are you sure when you met his sister it was really his 'sister' might have be a friend.

The photo idea is great. Take a photo now. Text it to him, sit back and see what happens.

If he doesn't acknowledge you, give him the finger on the way out - do his wife sees but the kids don't.

Then be dignified

Go over and let him sweat. if he is married and they are his dds he won't want them involved and make an excuse to leave or for them to go somewhere.
You could see if the girls go to the loo, or even his wife and talk in loos.
The possibilities are endless.
I would want to know if my dh was a lying cheat, she deserves to know if this is the case.

WHO THE FUCK STROKES THEIR SISTERS KNEE

Nat and Georgia Simpson did in Brookie.

Nah.

It really depends on the type of stroke.... it can be a comforting gesture.

Lol at reeling

daughter I'm liking the taking the photo and sending it to him idea!

In your shoes OP I would have walked over, said hello and seen his reaction. You have been seeing him for a year so I think you have every right to know what the hell he's playing at. I can't believe that there can be any woman on earth who wouldn't want to know if her DH/OH had been having a year long affair. Obviously it's not ideal if his daughters are still there, shame he didn't think about them.

It's easy to say walk away with dignity and forget him when we're not in your position.

Okay okay. I've txt him asking what he's up to tonight, he's just replied saying he's meeting some friends then off home for an early night "wish I had some company :) )

Do I:

Go home, call him tomorrow when I'm not a mess and find out who that woman was.

Carry on as normal, meet my friends there (they've met him quite a few times) and reply to his txt of my plans pretending I don't know he's there.

Invite said friends over, bawl my eyes out, get drunk and never speak to him again.

Tell him you'll go to him now or to his house.

Are you all still there? I'd take a photo as per farmer's suggestion and send it to him.

Invite friends over, have a bawl and text him saying who are the twins?