MNers who are TRULY happily married, what are your secrets and tips?

[CocoaButterGirl]

I'd like replies from people who are genuinely happy & satisfied with their spouse.

What do you differently from everyone else? What small things keep your relationship strong?
What are your pieces of advice for someone who wants a respectful & happy marriage.

I am getting married soon and I want to be a brilliant wife & have a loving lasting marriage

Give and take, spending time together but also spending time apart, respecting the fact that you wont always agree but that some common ground can usually be found, never take the other one for granted..most importantly for us in our marriage is to talk things through, the good the bad and the ugly!

We genuinely like one another.

We respect one another (it shocks me when I read on here of people being told by their spouse to eff off or told they are a *unt or something - btw, not swearing as on work pc).

We trust one another. I don't worry about him spending time with female colleagues. One of my exes from years ago is a great friend to us both know and frequently stays at our place. There is no jealousy.

We buy one another chocolate and silly little gifts. (We actually do, but spotting something you know will make the other happy and wanting to get it for them is a good sign I think.)

We share a sense of humour.

We were older when we got together - and I think in having a happy relationship terms that can be an advantage.

We know the alternative to a happy marriage is a miserable marriage or a divorce. We don't want that, so we are nice to each other. We try to make life pleasant and easier for each other.

My only advice would be to find the right person for you.

we try to be kind to each other as much as possible. Lots of kisses, hugs tea making and little favours whenever possible. Never swear at each other and try to not moan about each other, particularly to others.

We also alternate lie-ins and the school run which makes a big difference as neither of us are tired.

Shared sense of humour is the biggie though.

Don't go to bed on an argument. Regardless of what's gone on / how tired we are sorting out DS we cuddle in bed before we go to sleep.

Put on rose tinted specs and drink a lot

Keep your sense of the ridiculous, make each other laugh and never let the sun go down on your wrath.

We see ourselves as a team and together we can do it all. Sounds sad but when one of us is going through a bad time, the other just reminds them and sometimes all it takes is to know that someone else is there.
Hope I have explained that right

Do they have to be married? We plan to...

Laughing together. Going to bed at the same time 90% of the time. Cuddling, kissing, every day.

If we have an argument, making sure we talk it through until any residual or hidden argument is gone, otherwise it becomes one of those things we dislike about each other without communicating.

Someone else said this - but gifts. DP likes baklava so if I see it, will buy it. He will buy flowers (unusual ones) if he sees them.

No internet in the house. We both have our phones, but no other internet connection. Which is REALLY helpful. Both love TV (our industries) so love watching TV together, with constant chat throughout, but with internet we turn into monosyllabic grunters. I imagine this is true of a few couples??

Shared sense of humour here too. We can laugh together, even in seemingly hopeless situations.

Having the same hopes. We're aiming for the same sort of results from life.

Not expecting more in return than than you can give to a situation (can be applied to all relationships really).

Ah now, I'm a big advocate of going to bed on an argument. It works much better for me to stew for a bit. Puts DH on the back foot too. ha.

Our relationship is conditional too, we both know that. We like that.

ProzacBear No internet is an interesting one. But what about things like skyping relatives abroad, online recipes, iplayer etc.?

I would have thought the internet was the key to a happy relationship :)

I think our personal secret is we are each other's best friends. I don't mean that in a soppy way. Neither dh nor I have many friends so we are each other's. It wasn't something we worked at, it just was how it was right from the off. So, although there was sexual attraction from the off, it was never the be all and end all of our relationship.

Don't expect your married life to be like a fairy tale or Mills and Boon book. Life will become crapper than it is now - fact. Weather the storms and you will come out of them stronger.

And yes, respect is probably key. I don't think relationships can last if one or both parties does not respect the other. I don't always like dh's attitudes/choices/decisions but ultimately, I respect him and he respects me, so we live and let live.

Good luck!

Never go to bed on an argument.
Compromise sometimes, not always though
Keep him on his toes, do something strange to test his reaction.
Don't be old before your time, keep the fun.

I've been married twice. First time - a disaster. This time - bliss. The difference between the two? A number of things. Firstly, we genuinely like each other, are interested in each other, care about each other's happiness and are willing to put the other's needs before our own. This isn't an effort or even consciously done - it's a given.
Secondly, respect. Always. No swearing, name-calling or belittling. Especially not in front of others - but not when we're alone either.
Thirdly, a willingness to back down when tempers flare and never bring up old arguments after they've passed. Once it's done, it's done.
Fourth, honesty. For good and for bad. If we're pissed off we say so. No passive aggression. No storing up hurt and resentment. No sulking.
Fifth, a good sense of humour. It helps to deal with life's knocks and is a great way of moving past petty squabbles. If you can laugh at yourself and find each other funny, you're almost there.
And finally, luck. Sometimes, you just end up with the wrong person. Or the right person changes and there's nothing you can do about that. Sometimes, try as you might, it's never going to work. Having the courage to recognise it's over and move on, emotionally intact, is also a success.

morethanpotatoprints
Keep him on his toes, do something strange to test his reaction.

Sounds fun! Like what?

Oh yes: shared hopes, dreams, ambitions. That is important too I think.

Give and take, YY.

Respecting each other's differences and opinions and interests.

Letting the little things go by, focus on the important things. (In my case we're not actually married, that one went by because having children was far more important to me and we agreed on that)

Honesty.

Yes, you'll argue. That's fine. That's normal. Everyone gets annoyed and bickers and bitches and snipes at each other. But apologise when you know you were in the wrong. Graciously accept their apology and don't keep the argument going.

And if something makes you really mad, it's better to try and have a sensible conversation when you are calmer. Don't accuse. Try the 'it makes me feel tack, that's often better than just saying "you're an arse."

We've been together 37 years this month, married for 24 years.
I have friends who have been in long marriages and I think the common theme is that no marriage is perfect but tolerance goes a long way.

to all posters, this thread is giving me the warm fuzzies :)

Thank you.

Be kind to each other. Put yourself out for your partner. Don't undermine/criticise each other in public. Basically, you know all that Surrendered Wife rubbish? That, but with BOTH of you following the principles.

I'm with Hully!

Well, first of all you have to have that strong connection or bond, that both of you have, for each other, that makes that person more important to you than anyone else on the planet.

DP is my best friend, and I am his. This is genuine, from both of us, you couldn't fake it.

Both of us prefer each other's company to anyone else's, both of us prefer to do things together, and like being with each other.

We both talk all the time, and really care for each other. I wouldn't ever want to deliberately hurt him (so would never say hurtful things to him) and would be very upset if we accidentally hurt the other. We treat each other very well, we don't have silly little arguments, we have never called each other names =, and that is not something we have to try not to do, it just would not occur because of how we feel about the other pseron.

We have a lot of fun together, laugh often, value each other and also value ourselves. How could we not show each other espect when we feel like this?

We believe love is an action, not just a feeling.

We have noticed two things about tough times (we have lost my mil and two babies since we married). First we fall together, not apart. When terrible things happen, we want to look after and protect the other. And when one of us struggles, the other takes the strain, like we take it in turns to carry each other.

We share a sense of the ridiculous and laugh together every day. Little gestures of affection, cuddles. You have to honour and celebrate the union.

Although if you asked dh he'd probably say a constant but secret supply of emergency chocolate is the key!

Congratulations and good luck!