MNers who are TRULY happily married, what are your secrets and tips?

[CocoaButterGirl]

I'd like replies from people who are genuinely happy & satisfied with their spouse.

What do you differently from everyone else? What small things keep your relationship strong?
What are your pieces of advice for someone who wants a respectful & happy marriage.

I am getting married soon and I want to be a brilliant wife & have a loving lasting marriage

Trust is important.

We don't really argue - if there is a valid reason for not doing something we can discuss it like adults. I can't remember the last time he shouted at me, though sometimes when I am a bit hormonal my temper is short, but it's not meant and he knows it.

I agree about letting little things go by. We all have bad habits and learning to live with each other's is part of building a marriage.

Agree with the above, especially the liking and respecting one another. I too am horrified to hear people telling their spouses to fuck off etc. Deal breaker for me!

Not being lazy, ie hubby won't lie in bed all day, tidied up and looks after our child through choice, not me having to nag.

I wouldn't have married a lazy slob, I'm sure those who do must know what they're like before marrying them??

Make an effort, for yourself as much as him. Nice jammies, no onesies for a start!

After a child our marriage changed dramatically, sleep deprivation made us snippy & short tempered.. but we still laughed, had time together and most of all... kept having sex!

Sex is a big part of it for me, it keeps the fun & intimacy going, a connection... I could never be someone who has a baby then expects hubby to go without for a year!

BlessedWolf said what I wanted to say, but in a much better way, with less waffling!

Totally agree with her.

And also, if you don't have these things in a relationship, don't try and force it, just accept that it is not to be and move on.

Put on rose tinted specs and drink a lot

I'm laughing, here but Hullygully is so right . It's worked for us many a time.

Pick your battles - it's easy to fall into the habit of constantly nitpicking/snapping over little things, especially when you are both exhausted, working hard, bringing up young children and so on.

But this soon adds up to being seen as a nag/misery/dull - (this applies to both men and women) - and before you know it you see each other as The Enemy. Trouble is brewing when it hits that point, so remember always you are a TEAM, in it together whatever the horrors, and that is what you are signing up for when you marry. Don't let the bastard parts of life grind you down, or seperate you emotiionally.

Congrats on your impending wedding, put all the ideas in this thread into
practice, and you will be fine.

Also trust, we leave our phones lying around etc

"and never let the sun go down on your wrath."

how the hell does this work?
how do you just stop being angry?
how do you make the person who is infuriating you see reason? (semi-joke)

Seriously, how do you magically make arguments go away because it is nighttime now?

Deciding to be happy with what you've got together. Even if its not perfect.

Be nice to each other.

Laugh at him together lots.

Oh and affection, affection, affection - hold hands, hug touch each other (non sexually I mean ) BE together.

Not married but together 22 years. We are great friends and prioritise us above everything. We never stopped going out together or cooking a meal at home and talk about anything. Money is completely equal although we have separate accounts and we do similar stuff around the house and when ds was small equal childcare.

Yes I agree, never swear at each other,or shout at each other. How horrible.

Be a team, stand by each other, support each other. Share your strengths.

Great advice here but also - be a happy person. Don't dump on your spouse every time you have a crap day.

Be kind, do little things for your spouse but don't be a doormat.

Take the piss out of them .... Gently! And let them do the same to you.

Say nice things about them in front of other people but in their earshot "I'm so lucky, DH is SO good at DIY" etc....

Spend time apart, go out on your own regularly, have weekends away etc....

Pick your battles, let the little annoying things go. Remember you are prob annoying sometimes too!

Yes to all of the above - laugh, go to bed at the same time, don't let sex become a rarity, be each other's best friends, never ever criticise him in front of / to others. Treat him as you'd want him to treat you.

And ... Every Thursday we have dinner together, just the 2 of us, at home. On this one night a week the kids eat first (the rest of the week we eat as a family), we put them to bed then have candlelit dinner with wine. We never cook anything difficult or time consuming as we're both hungry and tired, usually do the "dine in for 2 for £10" deal from m&s or tesco finest range, most microwave / bake, so v easy. This night is SACROSANCT - we would never accept invitations / make appointments / work on a Thursday. And after dinner we don't watch tv / go on Internet - we have a bath together / go to bed / play scrabble (!!) / have sex. It's the glue for us in a week of full time jobs plus 4 kids.

We genuinely like each other. He is a good person, and I try to be! We share similar values, both of us are hardworking. We have diametrically opposed politics, and actually this doesn't matter.

He adores me. I tolerate him. It works.

Knowing zero tolerance about infidelity from date #1.
Can tell him anything.
Duvet size bigger than the bed.
No tv in bedroom.
Latterly, separate bathrooms.

This thread makes me feel all emotional and warm,

Agree about being best friends. We always have each other's back. Dh is working away at the mo, and we call each other about 20 times a day... I just called him now to say 'are you listening to radio 4? '.

Also- and this is harder for me as I am usually doing something.... I have to remind myself that when he is talking to me, telling me his opinions and how his day went I need to actually stop and listen to him, not think 'oh hurry up I need to clean the litter tray'. He always listens to me, but usually I am distracted. I have had to consciously stop myself and to listen.

Been together 10 + years.

YoureToastMildred you need to take a step back and ask yourself if the issue you are arguing about is worth getting angry about. In a loving mutually supportive relationship you shouldn't be having major arguments. If you both disagree on something big then you have to discuss it yes, but that doesn't mean you have to get angry.

And even if you are still a bit angry, surely getting into bed and hugging up to each other, and smelling them and feeling them and being in such a close safe embrace and in the warmth of your bed together, all negative feelings just go away?

A few mights ago, I was really tired and a bit stressed, I wanted togo to bed and irrationally wanted DP to come with me.He said he'd be along in a while as needed to finish something. I knew I was being irrational feeling cross about that, I knew I was actually just tired, and when DPdid come to bed20 minutes later, and hug up to me, all my cross feelings evaporated and that was the end of that, and because I hadn't said anything to him he wasn't feeling stressed or anytihng.

Gin I love the sound of your Thursdays!

Most of the above.
We also try and avoid talking much when we have danger points. For me, PMT.And I tell him when that his.
For him, if he is tired or hungry. Vurtually no talking at all for 1 hour if he is both!

is not his.

Not married, but living with my partner for nearly 22 years, and yes happy.

Tip No 1 - Choose the right person. I can't overemphasise this enough.

1. If you have to work at it too hard, it is not worth having. Relationships should be fun and supportive.
2. Give each other privacy and space to grow
3. Make time for fun and silliness.

I am with YouretoastMildred. My wrath won't subside because its bedtime. It will however, by about two o'clock the next afternoon.

Agree grennie. Don't settle. EVER

Congratulations on the upcoming nuptials. [Flowers]

We don't live in each others pockets. We have our own hobbies, our own set of friends as well as joint friends. For example my DH goes on boys holidays / trips and sometimes i find out really last minute (day before or two days before) that the boys have booked a trip (here or abroad) and it doesn't bother me. I am the same, to be fair. However we also ensure we have quality time together. We talk about everything and accept that we will disagree sometimes. But regardless of whether we have a row or not we always talk about it and resolve our differences, even if that means we agree to disagree. We respect each other and value what each of us brings to our relationship. We seem to share the same life goals and morals, iyswim. We also have a lot of fun together and we are very affectionate. The list goes on..

I just know he loves me unconditionally and I live him unconditionally (his good bits, bad bits and ugly bits). Very cheesy, I know.