Oi! Everyone just back the fuck off will you?
If ANY of you have experience of former DV (as I know you do) you will know that when you're in it, it's a total FOG tornado, you can't see the hand in front of youf face for thé Fear, Obligation and Guilt.
Yes, sadsong does need to get out, yes asap, and yes, she's in a VERY dangerous situation, but telling her she's bad, and failing her family is hardly going to help her find the herculean strength she needs to get out.
sadsong, please investigate the real situation, with all the plusses and minuses of all the debt solutions, explain the business situation to a professional and see what they say.
I remember all too well, the fear of facing all this means that we do allow any and every obstacle to be impassable.
That's the abuse doing that love.
Is there any way your business could be relocated, move with you?
I'm sorry to hear your mother's not going to be much help, but this is common in DV victims, we get groomed for it, and a normal parent'd have been straight on the phone to ask if you're ok, not ignoring it.
My mother was the same. It's awful. I've been utterly let down by my entire family. It hurts.
I'm here for you, i'll hold your hand, but you really DO have to look at professional advice from a number of sources.
Finally. You WILL need to go to therapy to learn to heal from all this.
Your lif has been so badly shaped and controlled by others, and you've lost the idea that this is your life, and only you (and your dc) matter, and sometimes in that very order.
You're telling yourself and ruling out things that would help you.
This is going to be a tough journey, you know that. You will be the one that makes it harder for yourself at times, so prepare for this and power through it.
Fix your eyes on your goal, to be out, safe, with all your dc, and working profitably. Don't ever lose sight of this. Your current life is preventing that, so time to wriggle free of the shackles and move on towards where you need to be.
Your life is at risk, so you can't afford to be held up a day longer than is necessary.
Once you realise that anything and everything is, and should be on the table inthe pursuit of your dafety and freedom, and as long as your kids are ok and with you, then nothing else matters, everything else can be made again, then the taste of freedom will start to come to you.
You can do this, you just have to be smart. Get 3 opinions on legal/financial advice, get the punch seen by a Dr, and make sure you start leaving proof and evidence of DV, just so you get the legal aid, and eventually the child visitation protection.
Box clever. It will be ok, but you really do have to act.
PM me, or anyone on here you find of assistance?