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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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I Cannot believe I am having to talk about this...

1000 replies

filee777 · 20/10/2013 10:23

I've just come down the stairs having gone for a bit of a lie down, up at 5.40 with the kids this morning, to find my husband looking at porn while my child is in the room with him!

My three year old child!

He jumped up and opened the door, meeting me at the bottom of the stairs and asked me 'why i wasn't still sleeping' and i sort of said 'can i come in' and he let me, but when i checked my computer there were open pages of porn on there!

I said 'what the hell is this' and he said that he just 'wanted to see what would come up in google'??? so I said 'with our son in the room?' and he said the boy had been playing on the other side of the room - that doesnt make it any better in my eyes.

hes just tried to give me a cuddle and i ignored him and he asked 'if i was pissed off' with him and I very much said yes, did some dishes and have come upstairs.

i dont want to talk to him or even LOOK at him right now, my bloody kid was in the room! Surely that is TOTALLY unacceptable????

So annoyed.

OP posts:
filee777 · 22/10/2013 14:07

We dont know if DS saw any porn, only my husband knows that.

The authorities are happy with how things have been handled, she actually commended me for that.

She doesnt want to talk to my husband, she doesnt see any need to, shes spoken to me and knows the conversation we have had as a couple, if she wished to speak to him then she would have done a home visit I am sure.

She said if i had any concerns in future that I could call and speak to someone, she said nothing about him phoning them.

OP posts:
filee777 · 22/10/2013 14:09

Yes we had a conversation about boundaries and HE decided that pornography should not be an aspect of the house whatsoever, he agreed that blocks should be placed on the computer to prevent it being visible even by accident from one of the children.

He was incredibly sorry and embarrassed. He IS incredibly sorry and embarrassed.

I have done my best, I realise it is not good enough for some of you or what you would have done but I am happy that things have been dealt with seriously and we will continue to work through.

OP posts:
MatryoshkaDoll · 22/10/2013 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

uptheanty · 22/10/2013 14:15

I'm sure you are aware op that you have a way to go within your marriage and to trust your dh completely.

I'm sure you'll use all the skills you obviously have to continue to protect your dc.

I don't know many people who have been brave enough to tackle things straight on as you have and bring them out in the open.

Good luck to you & your family

Thanks
YoureBeingADick · 22/10/2013 14:16

"She doesnt want to talk to my husband, she doesnt see any need to, shes spoken to me and knows the conversation we have had as a couple, if she wished to speak to him then she would have done a home visit I am sure. "

yes you said that already and I said I don't think she does need to speak to him. I think HE needs to speak to her! he needs to hear all this from a professional so that it really sinks in, so that he is showing he accepts his responsibility for the situation, so it shows he is genuine when he says he wants to change his behaviour. HE needs to be taking control of fixing this be being proactive and not re-active to what you tell him needs to happen.

I also find the fact that he is embarrassed quite infuriating. he should be DISGUSTED with himself. not embarrassed as if he farted infront of the nursery staff. embarrassment should be the least of his concerns.

MissStrawberry · 22/10/2013 14:21

Fillee777

Your stance has changed from the start of this thread and you are definitely focussing on protecting and thinking about the wrong person.

If something more has, or does, happen with your children that you are yet to find out about would you be able to say hand on heart you did everything you could to keep them save? If yes, then I am sorry but I am very worried for them. I feel he should have been spoken too my everyone who has spoken to you. I have no faith at all in SS and would never trust them tbh. If you do feel you could say it then I really hope you never have too.

OxfordBags · 22/10/2013 14:26

One question glares out from the above, OP: you say only your OH knows if your DS saw some porn (or saw that his father had an erection) - so have you not asked if DS actually saw some? Is he prevaricating about answering that? Because even if his answer is that he doesn't know or can't be sure, then that's disgusting enough as it is. If he won't tell you, that's chilling.

I want to say that you have done all the right things - except the only thing that really matter, which is removing the risk from your children. On paper, all the contacting you've done is really good, I will not take that from you, HOWEVER - why is it you doing it? You've done nothing wrong. You're not the one with dubious sexual boundaries around children. You're not the one who chooses to not control yourself. By doing all this, you have made yourself responsible for him, for his behaviour, his deeply troubling sexual problems and urges, for what happens to him. The way y talk about him shows that you are incredibly invested in feeling responsible for him and his life; you've talked more, and more passionately, about how tragic things would be for him if you kicked him out, than you have about your son. Practically, you are appearing to be doing a lot for your son, by talking to people, but what have you done, or are doing, for him emotionally? There is no grey area about the fact that you are prioritising your OH's welfare over your childrens' when you keep a man who would search for, loom at, and get aroused by, porn, in their company. The fact that he is their father doesn't make it better than if a stranger had done it, in fact, it's worse.

I also want to reiterate something Stooshe has been getting at: why can you not grasp that if you are having to talk to nursery, SS and others about your OH's sexual behaviour around your child, putting all sorts of locks and passwords on the internet-enabled devices in the home, and more, then things have already gone too far?! None of these things should even have to enter your mind in a normal home where children are not as risk!

You are talking the talk but not walking the walk. You're choosing to do the external things that matter, like talking to SS, but you're refusing to actually protect your children.

I would be interested in knowing about your relationship in general. I bet if you opened up about it here, or on another thread, there'd be more red flags for crappy, dubious, abusive, etc., behaviour towards you at least, than at a Chinese Communist rally. Things like this incidence do not happen in isolation, behaviour like this is not a one-off. It'll be the culmination of slowly growing shitiness on his part, I'll bet anything.

Neitheronethingortheother · 22/10/2013 14:40

tbh it sounds as if a lot of posters are projecting their own experiences on to the op. Maybe they weren't protected enough when they were a child and feel that the only way the op can protect her children is by getting rid of him completely. I can't see any other reason for the extreme responses. Surely SS and NSPCC are qualified to give advice on these situations. The op has done all she can and has done alot more than alot of people would do. Why would you take the advice of some randomer on the internet over the advice of professionals in the area.

Obviously the op and her dh need to reset the boundaries in this area and take it from there. Thats what most people do when boundaries are over stepped. This may or may not be the end of it but I think he response fits what he did and i dont understand why others think or feel they know better.

Spirulina · 22/10/2013 14:41

filee I was one if the posters right at the beginning. I said I also thought it best if he left for a bit. Aldo I stated NSPCC aren't the best place to go..... Uncertainty surrounds them, but hey, they are more knowledgable than mumsnet I guess

It seems to me you are now spending time and energy on this thread which would be better off being used for focusing on your family and marriage

Fwiw I have had a turnaround of opinion now. You seem to be handling this well and I stand corrected. Well done, but honestly, think this thread is more of a hindrance
to you now than a help. Good luck with everything

filee777 · 22/10/2013 15:00

I am actually at uni today, doing I.T (yawn) and the children are at nursery. I have not 'spent time on this thread' at detriment to my children, I have updated when I could.

Seriously, people on this thread really need to study their charm.

I am happy taking the advice of the professionals, none who have suggested my children are unsafe with my husband in the home. He made a stupid mistake, it was very very unfortunate but will hopefully make positive changes in the long term.

Marriage is not about jumping at the first hurdle and my children would not thank me (I am sure) if I left their father street homeless for a stupid mistake.

OP posts:
BelaLugosisShed · 22/10/2013 15:01

There is not, will never be, a valid excuse for a fully mature adult to view porn/get sexually aroused in the presence of children, even if it is purely down to reckless stupidity and ignorance, why would you want someone like that as a co-parent and partner? Some of the inferrence that a man who gets aroused has to do something about it immediately is both worrying and ridiculous in equal measure.

Some of the "logic" on this thread is very disturbing, I hope it's simply another boxroom scenario, I really do, the alternative is just too grim to contemplate.

BelaLugosisShed · 22/10/2013 15:04

A "stupid mistake" is leaving the oven on or the keys in the front door. Hmm

MissStrawberry · 22/10/2013 15:05

You seriously think what he did was a stupid mistake?

KareninsGirl · 22/10/2013 15:11

Do you really want to be with a man who thinks it's acceptable to view porn whilst his 3 year old child plays in the same room - then nips off for a wank?!

Seriously?

KareninsGirl · 22/10/2013 15:13

Do you really want to be with a man who thinks it's acceptable to view porn whilst his 3 year old child plays in the same room - then nips off for a wank?!

Seriously?

OxfordBags · 22/10/2013 15:15

What is this 'street homeless' term you use almost obsessively? You cannot genuinely believe that people either have their own home or are living in carboard boxes under railway arches, with nothing inbetween the two examples? If you're not going to kick him out, fine, that is your choice, but please stop insulting our intelligence - and your own - by lying that there would be nowhere for him to go but the gutter. It's not true, we know it's not true, you know it's not true.

Actively choosing to get sexually aroused whilst caring for your child, actively searching out explicit images that the child could see (which IS legally child abuse, if he saw them), then being so aroused that he left a toddler alone to masturbate, sexual pleasure being a higher priority to him than his small child, is not a hurdle or a stupid mistake. But it's clear that when push comes to shove, you choose him over your children. All these chats with agencies are just distractions from the trith that you are prioritising him, not them.

And you still have not answered the question about has your OH told you if your Ds saw the images or not? That would be one of the most important things for me to know, if I was in your situation. If he did see them, then he has technically been sexually abused by your OH, even if that wasn't his actual intention. Whether he saw them or not is absolutely vital to this issue, and yet you don't seem to want to push for that knowledge. Perhaps you daren't push for it.

OxfordBags · 22/10/2013 15:19

Neither, to suggest that people are upset and worried over a man choosing to get sexually aroused when alone with his child, look for porn and potentially allow or even choose to show the child the images, then leave the child alone to wank, then act suspicious and panicky and try to stop the OP entering the room when she got up, because of their own childhood issues is highly offensive and trite, not to mention immature and poorly-thought out. Rather, I would suggest that you look at your own background to ask yourself why you cannot perceive why this is very serious indeed, and has far wider inplications and ramifications that you refuse to accept or are too scared/incapable of seeing for yourself.

OxfordBags · 22/10/2013 15:24

I also want to add that my personal bottom line would be a man being capable of sexual arousal (or, at the very least, total bottom of barrel-scraping stuff, not instantly putting it out of his mind), when alone with a child, even if the arousal genuinely has zero to do with the child. Anything beyond that would make him a creepy, vile, sleazy fucker who has such a poor, weak sense of moral propriety and boundaries, and is so untrustworthy, especially around children, that he would be out on his ear. I wouldn't even tolerate a freak like that to let it get to the extent where he could be in a position to actively look at porn to wank over when with my son.

filee777 · 22/10/2013 15:26

Spirulina that looked like it was directed 'at you' it is not.

More a general rant about the thread!

i am sure if SS thought it was important to speak to H they would have said so. He wont be doing things just because some random on Mumsnet has told him to. We will work together as a family, because that is what we are.

OP posts:
ChilledGuy · 22/10/2013 15:27

I hope this never happens but if this happened to anyone of you would you so quickly and coolly cut your DH out of your life like you're telling the OP to do here?. The man you married and shared a lifetime worth of memories with? Father of their child? Just like that?. Yes her DH has done something disgusting but she and hopefully him wants to fight for their marriage. I respect you Filee for trying to save your marriage.

filee777 · 22/10/2013 15:31

H of course says that he absolutely prevented my son from seeing any images, I have not outright asked my son if he has seen anything because this would be considered very bad practice, I have told the nursery so if he says anything untoward it will be noted.

i have been told not to ask him directly any questions which i would not anyway, given that it would be leading and would negate anything he said at a later date.

My husband would have been street homeless on Sunday, the council were closed and neither of the two charity hostels had room for him.

OP posts:
KareninsGirl · 22/10/2013 15:33

Actually, chilledguy, I think if DH did what the OP's husband did, then yes - it would be a deal breaker for me.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who had so little control over their urges as to view porn in front of a 3 year old.

BeCool · 22/10/2013 15:37

Seriously, people on this thread really need to study their charm.
Smile

Just to reiterate OP some of us think you are doing a great job!!! With the crisis at home as well as on this thread Thanks

filee777 · 22/10/2013 15:41

Its not a deal-breaker for me.

Thats all that is important really.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 22/10/2013 15:51

Chilledguy?

It would be HIM who would be choosing to end the marriage.

My deal breakers and boundaries are quite clear. Always have been.

If he choose to do something like the OP did then yes, I would leave him and it would have been HIS choice to throw our marriage away, he would have made that choice when he did what he (hypothetically) did.

I am sure it wouldn't be easy, I would be heartbroken but I could not be married to someone with such shabby boundaries that they can't control their urges around children for a few hours. I have no respect for anyone like that.

I have very few deal breakers, all of them were set out before marriage and children, this is one of them.

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