I Cannot believe I am having to talk about this...

[filee777]

I've just come down the stairs having gone for a bit of a lie down, up at 5.40 with the kids this morning, to find my husband looking at porn while my child is in the room with him!

My three year old child!

He jumped up and opened the door, meeting me at the bottom of the stairs and asked me 'why i wasn't still sleeping' and i sort of said 'can i come in' and he let me, but when i checked my computer there were open pages of porn on there!

I said 'what the hell is this' and he said that he just 'wanted to see what would come up in google'??? so I said 'with our son in the room?' and he said the boy had been playing on the other side of the room - that doesnt make it any better in my eyes.

hes just tried to give me a cuddle and i ignored him and he asked 'if i was pissed off' with him and I very much said yes, did some dishes and have come upstairs.

i dont want to talk to him or even LOOK at him right now, my bloody kid was in the room! Surely that is TOTALLY unacceptable????

So annoyed.

Scarynuff Not one person has said at any point what the H did was ok.we all disagree and think what he done was terrible horrid and disgusting its the serious accusations on here i disagree with anod she has told the nspcc everything

How is someone watching porn with a child in the room and then having to scuttle off and wank the same as a couple in love going off for a quickie? FFS.

It's the action of watching porn with a child in the room that is sick, lets not twist the issue.

I'd like to confess to getting pregnant when DS1 was 3 months old and still sleeping in our room...

waiting for the MN police as we speak

Nobody has justified his actions.

I am sorry you're if i suggested you were defending him, I can remember saying I was not defending him but not of doing that to someone else (which I think I would remember) perhaps you can find a quote to jog my memory of it?

Nobody is justifying what he did, nobody, but there are two thoughts here;

1, that getting turned on while in charge of young children and nipping off to relieve yourself makes you a pervert and not able to be a partner/have in the house

and

1. That he has been thoughtless and silly and that he is still able to be a parent/have in the house albeit with extra rules and fucking stern words.

I know my husband, I know him better than anyone here and I am in the latter. If there were other signs, if he were in anyway sexually abusive, if he were rough with the children, if they were scared of him, if my three year old mentioned anything strange or untoward... well I would certainly look deeper at that.

Yes I have calmed down since this morning, because I have talked it through, both on here and in RL and I know that I have made a decision which is beneficial to the whole family. Its not something I have to feel guilty for or bad about.

I dont see how that suggests anything but a rational thought process.

matryoshkadoll- use the eyes god gave you and read my previous posts, don't a complete asshole.

as others were doing, it was a mood lightener.

No you don't have to feel guilty or bad and I'm not going to find a quote because it's not relevant now. You've made a very clear plan and important decisions.

All that's left is for me to wish you the best. You've had a bad enough day and I don't believe in kicking people when they're down.

"Thoughtless and silly"...... The understatement if the millennium!

I was thoughtless when I ate the last choccy biscuit today.....

Filee, well done on dealing with this in a calm , non hysterical way.

Your H needs to understand that what he has done is grossly wrong and cannot be repeated. Maybe you could both see a counsellor together, or you could discuss this with your doctor. If they feel there are any child protection issues then they will tackle it further.

Thanks youare and again, I apologise if I was in anyway rude to you.

Thank you for your support.

Yep.

I'm bowing out now. Op...I was on thread from the start. Please re read it all, calmly in a week or two.

Good luck

Filee

None of us have to live with the decisions you make. You seem to be very level headed, and you don't sound like someone who would put their child in danger intentionally.

I hope it all works out well for you and your family.

I have told him that is one of the reasons that worries me most Mat

I cannot see how he could have been so bloody minded with it.

A walk in the rain with nowhere to stay and information that the NSPCC thought it was absolutely bloody awful made him really think things through and he totally understands how fucked up it is now. I think that its really bloody shocked him.

Just so you know I don't think having a wank while being in charge of a child and my husband and I having a quickie in a locked room is the same at all and I'm sorry that my little 'joke' caused people to think like that.
Just trying to lighten the mood obviously. Oops.

Lighten the 'mood'

unappreciated to be honest.

OP you have done everything right, sought professional advice and you now take it from here. It's not as black and white as others may think. So many factors others simply cannot know. Trust yourself and your instincts.

Woah, shows how normalised porn has become that some people think Searching for sexual images to masturbate over while looking after your young kid is no big deal.

Op, I think you've shown great strength.

I can't imagine your DH is going to be able to give up the porn as easily as you have suggested. He sounds like he has some issues, frankly.

Good luck with everything.

filee you thought you knew your husband

You don't know him as well as you thought you did, sadly

Good luck OP - I couldn't do what you are doing. His arse would be a long way down the road by now if I were in your shoes.
But I sincerely hope this turns out to be the correct decision for you all - particularly your children.

I don't think anyone has said it is no big deal, it obviously is!