I Cannot believe I am having to talk about this...

[filee777]

I've just come down the stairs having gone for a bit of a lie down, up at 5.40 with the kids this morning, to find my husband looking at porn while my child is in the room with him!

My three year old child!

He jumped up and opened the door, meeting me at the bottom of the stairs and asked me 'why i wasn't still sleeping' and i sort of said 'can i come in' and he let me, but when i checked my computer there were open pages of porn on there!

I said 'what the hell is this' and he said that he just 'wanted to see what would come up in google'??? so I said 'with our son in the room?' and he said the boy had been playing on the other side of the room - that doesnt make it any better in my eyes.

hes just tried to give me a cuddle and i ignored him and he asked 'if i was pissed off' with him and I very much said yes, did some dishes and have come upstairs.

i dont want to talk to him or even LOOK at him right now, my bloody kid was in the room! Surely that is TOTALLY unacceptable????

So annoyed.

This would be the beginning of the end of my relationship.

I imagine it will be for the op too. I can't see what he can do/say to turn it around?

Maybe counselling for porn addiction?

Not sure why he deserves support after what he has done.

Other posters have said what was in my head but couldn't articulate - this is about sexual boundaries and his lack of.

If you have concerns about your children then why is he in the house?

You're right, he did give me one today, I took sound advice and was told that what i needed to do was sit and have a good chat with my husband and make sure that he needed to understand just how bloody serious this is. I did that, I intend to do it again.

I really think people on this forum are unhappy unless everyone is divorced!

What i dislike SO MUCH is the insinuation that I would put my husband over my children's safety, I very much would not. He is secondary in all of this, the children are what is important.

Im wondering how many people on here have read a book with a sex scene in it? Perhaps those Grey books (whatever they are called). Full of sex! Most women i know have read at least the first one and read it while their kids watch tv or whatever. Or on the train, in the doctors etc.

If we assume this man is telling the truth, that he looked at a few pictures of fannys while his son played, then left the room. That is it, all the child was exposed to. Men look at pictures, women read sexy books. The way its always been, men visual bla bla bla.

Now the boy isn't old enough to read the book but he also didn't get access to the pictures. Is it really that different?

Im sure you will enjoy ranting about how its sooooo different. Enjoy.

(wanders off for a cup of tea before hysteria reaches frothing at the month and spittle stage)

My P did this, although ds wasnt in the same room, he was meant to looking after him as he was off school, hes 5, sick. He'd left him on the sofa whist he went to watch porn an have a wank. This, as well as other issues, has given me the strength to get rid. Am currently waiting for him to move out.

Matryo i didnt say you were attacking the op but i think its not fair for some posters to think that because some of us agree with how she handled it it means we are fine about it when thats not the cae i dont know any mother who would be fine with it most would be utterly devistated its not like she done nothing she phoned the nspcc and told them everything

Actual no I haven't read such a book when looking after my children.

Have you? Have you snuck off for a quick wank while in charge of a toddler Just?

If so, you're fucked up too.

No, they didn't ask for nursery details

If he is a misguided fucking idiot who lost the plot for half an hour and decided to wank off in the downstairs loo to some porn, then yes he DOES need support because actually thats a bloody weird thing to do.

Just like I need support when I can't do much but hide away in bed, or when i have a complete crisis of self.

I am not just going to give up on someone who i have trusted enough to marry, there are definite issues here but the biggest one is the threat to the children and I have heard enough to know that is not relevant right now. He needs a good long think about boundaries, of course he does.

But it doesnt make him the devil, just a fucking idiot.

Happy unless people are divorced?! No love. I'm the mother of a 3 year old myself. Your husbands behaviour shocks and disgusts me.

I'm also a primary school teacher and involved with safe guarding children. I think the nspcc telling you to discuss it with your husband takes the piss. They didn't take your details.

Ive never read erotica never mind while with children.

The thing that sticks out for me is that you think you can manage the situation by putting a lock on the computer. Surely if you thought you had actually got through to him and he genuinely realised how wrong this was then you wouldn't need to do this.

The fact that you have speaks volumes

"Im wondering how many people on here have read a book with a sex scene in it?"

Yeah, because that's TOTALLY the same thing as doing google searches for porn to make yourself aroused while your child plays in the same room.

Poor ickle man, he really did nothing wrong at all did he?

Why shouldn't he search for graphic pictures of women's sexual organs whenever he feels like it?

It's just what men DO, isn't it?

They can't help themselves, they have no control over their sexual impulses.

They're just all completely disgusting pervy weirdos who go around sneaking off for a wank at the drop of a hat because the pictures they were searching for gave them a hard on.

em excuse me I did not say 'poor dumb male' and I am not discarding his actions at all.
I was just talking about the handling of the situation.

we are all outsiders looking in- and I thought that the purpose of the OP's post was to look for some comforting words and support and not to to be judged on the actions she takes and sees fit and the way she handles her personal situation.
some comments aren't very constructive they are just criticism.

fileee I hope you find some peace & quite this evening to think about everything and straighten your thoughts.

People aren't all carbon copies, some of us have real issues. H and I know we have issues (both of us) that we are trying to work through as best as we can and support each other through. We aren't going to ignore this, we are going to make sure it never happens again and work through it.

Perhaps with an outright ban on porn (I think that would be a good idea) for both of us.

But as far as the children are concerned, I am happy with the advice I have been given by the NSPCC, again, thank you all for your support.

filee777 - I do understand. There are some very hysterical and unnecessary posts on here, full of judgement and hate which is sad.

If this is the first time this has happened, then your response is the right one. You know your husband better and the situation better than anyone on an internet forum.

Only time will tell now whether he will learn from his hopefully honest mistake (he might have just been mindless and not really thinking through what he was doing - some men are honestly just stupid like that) or whether there is a more serious problem that needs to be addressed.

Well done for being brave enough to post this and hope that your husband learns from his mistake and you can move on as a family together.

Best of luck!

Looking at porn with a child in the room is not "good reason" to get rid?

Fucking hell. I really hope you don't ever work as a social worker.

I have to admit my dh and I have often had a sneaky fumble on a saturday morning when we probably should be up and looking after our young kids but stay on in bed for a snog and leave them forage for breakfast and watch crap tv.

I have suggested the outright ban on porn filee. Is this something that you think he will agree with.

I don't know the man but if he can't stay away from porn for a couple of hours whilst he cares for his child, are you sure he will agree to this?

I really think people on this forum are unhappy unless everyone is divorced!

You are completely right. There was a thread a year or so ago where quite a few posters admitted that they HATE men and don't want to encounter them in the street, on the internet or anywhere. That they wished them all ill. That all men disgust them. The thread was eventually deleted and all those posters went off and name changed . . .

Just

are you stupid, naïve or just goading?

When someone reads a book it is very hard for someone else to see the words too unless they sit very close and most 3 year olds can't read so looking at a book and looking at genitals on a lap top are not comparable.

Perhaps with an outright ban on porn (I think that would be a good idea) for both of us

Does this mean that you are a user of porn too OP?