I Cannot believe I am having to talk about this...

[filee777]

I've just come down the stairs having gone for a bit of a lie down, up at 5.40 with the kids this morning, to find my husband looking at porn while my child is in the room with him!

My three year old child!

He jumped up and opened the door, meeting me at the bottom of the stairs and asked me 'why i wasn't still sleeping' and i sort of said 'can i come in' and he let me, but when i checked my computer there were open pages of porn on there!

I said 'what the hell is this' and he said that he just 'wanted to see what would come up in google'??? so I said 'with our son in the room?' and he said the boy had been playing on the other side of the room - that doesnt make it any better in my eyes.

hes just tried to give me a cuddle and i ignored him and he asked 'if i was pissed off' with him and I very much said yes, did some dishes and have come upstairs.

i dont want to talk to him or even LOOK at him right now, my bloody kid was in the room! Surely that is TOTALLY unacceptable????

So annoyed.

My life is actually not full of shit and drama (I can see how it might seem like that) I am having serious mental health issues at the moment and crisis of confidence.

its somewhere i have come to for support on dark days, its not an accurate judge of a persons life

Of course we don't know your life. We only know what you tell us and assume it is true. Sometimes an outsider can see things you being too close can't see.

It might be your husband is a twat and a selfish one at that with an over inflated sense of his own importance that he needs to wank right then even though his toddler is right there. Looking at porn when your child is in the some room is just wrong. No justification for that at all.

It also could mean you husband has the potential to be something much more sinister. No one can know that until he actually does something or he confesses.

If you could look yourself in the eye and say you did everything you could to protect your children then great. But you have to be really sure as you would have your children to answer too.

You will probably say I am over reacting. Maybe so. But child abuse wrecks lifes and I sometimes think people forget how massive it is when it is constantly in the media. The shock value almost seems to have lessened.

I don't know anything about previous threads- however if you are having mental health issues then don't rule out the fact that your freaky dh might be contributing to them.

Stay strong op.

But I would have done exactly what Filee has done so why are you saying she has more sense than me? I am in agreement with what she has done. I think she is right. She phoned NSPCC and they gave her advice and told her based on what she saw and what her dh said that her children are not at risk and that it didnt even need to be recorded. So you are saying they have turned a blind eye??? You can only turn a blind eye to something that is actually happening and nowhere has there been anything to suggest that something untoward is happening to her children. I guess some people see everything as a risk I don't I tend to deal with facts not fears.

I've read most of the thread and am at this.

For fuck's sake. Your DH has a problem - I would leave or ask him to leave for a few days, at the very least. He can go to a hotel if has nowhere to go, just so he realises the seriousness of the situation.

Porn and his young children - that is disgusting. You shouldn't need to ring the NSPCC to get a view, man alive.

Why is he still in the house? Don't you think some space would be a good idea?

OP I think the majority of posters on here have completely over reacted, IMO between you and the NSPCC a very rational outcome has emerged. Stick to your judgement, it's far sounder the hysteria on here.

I don't have any knowledge of your life op or your relationship with your dh. You obviously have a fair idea of what he is capable of. Obviously if you have any concerns for your childrens safety that should take priority. Maybe you have posted elsewhere about your dh and that is why posters are so quick to judge. I am just going by this one incident and to me that doesnt indicate anything more sinister.

No one should insinuate that posts on here are an accurate representation of a person's whole life. Only you can judge if the issues you post about are in anyway linked.

But at the same time things a person previously posts can and sometimes will be brought up in a thread, we just have to expect that will happen when we post on a public forum.

I'm not implying he is a predator grooming your son and you are leaving your children at risk. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear.

My last point was really more about making sure he is aware of what could possibly happen. A 3 year old will not make a contextualised comment. If a CP call is flagged up then you aren't in a position to say no, this catagorically did not happen. You will be explaining what happened, your actions, his etc. I am surprised the NSPCC didn't give you more information or advice on dealing with the most important person here, your son, and the best way to speak to him and ascertain what happened from his perspective. Even if your H tells the God's honest gospel, if he doesn't realise what your son saw (and I think we have all been surprised by that as parents at some time or another) then how will you know until it's shit/fan time? It just seem to be a rather vulnerable position for all involved.
You have a call to the NSPCC on the phone bill, but that's not really what I'm talking about, I mean there is no recording of the advice given to show you are and did do the right thing straight away. I think I was talking the least about your H and my opinion/what I would do really. And more about making sure that the advice doesn't put you in a worse position. Even if it's resolved quickly, having an investigation over a child/porn situation will be awful and may have ramificatons that go far beyond what he has considered.

There is serious amount of witchhunting/hysteria going on here.

You've had advice from the right people op, just ignore this lot.

"But I would have done exactly what Filee has done"

Why would you have phoned the NSPCC for advice about the potential for abuse if it wouldn't have occurred to you that your sexually incontinent wanker husband might be a risk to your child?

All through the thread when people (such as I) were saying she should contact the NSPCC or the police to get some advice about her next steps, you said we were all overreacting and he was just a silly moo who got understandably carried away and it should all just be forgotten about and no harm done.

So it is absolute bollocks that you would have called the NSPCC.

You would have taken your lying, pervy husband's word for it that all he had was an innocent boner and immediate need to rush to the toilet to relieve himself, and immediately forgiven him.

That's been your message the whole way through this.

That the man who was basically caught in the act of doing something really seedy and potentially extremely worrying is "innocent" (until proven guilty - exactly how much more guilt would be needed to give a flying fuck about any risk to your kids is not clear.)

I think the fact that on the day you found your dh looking st porn instead of looking after his son, and the fact that the son was in the room..possibly looking at women's genitals....the fact that on the same day you discussed the issue "after dinner and putting the children to bed".... That said it all for me.
Seriously- the fact he'll be under your roof tonight tells me you're not on the same page as most people I know.

The nspcc have shocked me with their advice. Would they have said the same if it had been a daughter looking st penises????

I feel sick about this whole episode.

I don't think it's hysterical to point out that watching porn with your child in the room is Fucked Up. As is leaving the room to have a wank while you're supposed to be in charge of the kids.
Fucked up.

Why does he need to look at porn when he is caring for his child? Does he have a problem OP? Aside from the obvious 'being a wanker' problem that is just him.

I would leave the thread now op youve had your advice from.the nspcc thats the main thing your not going to get anything better here

Read over my posts I said that she was right to talk to someone and was right to go mad with him over it. I agree with what she did. And nowhere did I mention that my dh was a lying pervy husband. There is a complete ban on porn in our home. I dont think it is appropriate to have it as part of a marriage and my dh doesnt like it either. I would hate to think that my kids could come across it. It would probably be a deal breaker for me if my dh was downloading it on my laptop or phone it would definitely cause a huge row but the op is ok with her dh looking at porn so thats not an issue for her. I think it is really wrong that he did what he did. I have said that the whole way through the thread. The only bit I dont agree with is that what he did makes him an abuser or a groomer. Thats all I have issue with.

fileee- I sure this is so so hard for you and your head is up the left pickled!

I completely understand where you are coming from- I don't think he was being malicious, just being an absolute dumb as dumb no second thoughts male.

I would have handled the situation the exact same way. been the super bitch on my high horse and make him grovel his little arse off.

I really hope you get things sorted & get this horrible situation under control in whatever way that makes you comfortable and happy.
good luck & ignore the MN riots ( what's new)

If some of you only knew what child protection team actually do deal with.....!!!!!

So op is told to call nspcc, which she does, posters don't like the advice she is given because it doesn't involve either him going to prison or her leaving the bastard, so now its decided by this mob of hysterical random unqualified people off the internet that the op is putting her children at risk and the nspcc don't know what they are talking about, and are not professionals who are qualified or experienced enough to tell her what they think. Ok

If some of you only knew what child protection team actually do deal with.....!!!!!

So this is ok then?

this isn't about fucking child protection, this is about a mother and her husband who cannot control the need to a) watch porn and b) toss one off while he should be looking after the kids.

And I haven't even gone there re the DH possibly being an abuser. If he isn't, the incident in isolation is disgraceful.