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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

domestic violence-support club.

257 replies

tyedye · 02/07/2006 16:01

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Tyedye · 07/08/2006 20:54

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Tyedye · 07/08/2006 20:54

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lou33 · 07/08/2006 21:01

oh yes of course

i call it harrassment, just as well he is leaving the country or i would be thinking of taking an injunction out

DVX · 07/08/2006 21:42

Might help to take it out anyway. I didnt because of cost and regret it now!

tortoise · 07/08/2006 21:44

Quootiepie i totally agree with you.I really could of done with this a year or so ago.

Quootiepie · 07/08/2006 21:50

luckily after more than 2 years I got rid by myself... I could have done with the support back then

tortoise · 07/08/2006 21:57

I had to get court to get my ex out.It was more to do with my ds than me.

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Tyedye · 08/08/2006 08:37

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Tyedye · 08/08/2006 08:37

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DVX · 08/08/2006 22:55

AM ok thank you and will email you! How about you? When is the big move?

Smellen · 09/08/2006 19:13

Good luck TD. Think you're very brave and will keep fingers crossed. When I read what you are going through, I really feel for you. My X was abusive, but sounds like yours is in a different league. I remember smuggling various household items out of the house in the boot of the car when I was planning my departure!! Hope your life improves soon

How are you LW? Hope you have managed to get your X out of the house by now and are starting to enjoy single life again. I am sure on bad days you feel that this is not what you expected for yourself when you were younger - I remember being horrified by the idea of being a "divorcée", but honestly - it's miles better than living miserably. Life will get better for you.

This thread is simultaneously really depressing and very inspirational: there are clearly a lot of messed up men, who think it is acceptable to bully, coerce, and mistreat their partners & children but the fact that so many women have not totally succumbed to their partners' twisted versions of events, that they have clung on to some vestiges of their self worth is brilliant.

Would like to support a women's refuge - have household & baby items that might come in useful for other mums - do I just donate via my local council?

Lemmingswife · 09/08/2006 19:18

Hi, smellen.
I am afraid I am still having problems with H, & he recently announced he was not prepared to move in with his friend or move out of the house at all until our house sells & contracts have been exchanged. There seems little I can do about it according to my solicitor, so I have no choice but to carry on living in the conditions that we are. It is not easy though, as I feel I cannot move on atm, & I still worry about things that may make him angry.

Smellen · 10/08/2006 10:16

That is bad news. Sorry things are not easier for you. Cannot believe that you are legally not entitled to kick him out. Sorry can't write more (crying baby!) but thinking of you!!

DVX · 10/08/2006 10:19

Its awful for you lw. I really feel for you. Take care.

Smellen I am thinking of donating some of my furniture as well will call the council tomorrow.

CKMUM · 10/08/2006 12:50

I am finally back online now after having computer problems for ages.

I have been wanting to post for ages but too embarassed because I am still here in the same awful s=ituation I was in before.

I feel so stupid. I still haven't managed to get away, I am pathetic. I keep saying "I'm going tomorrow" and here I am in the same place same situation ages later. I'm so stupid and sucha failure, I just keep getting followed

MercyTung · 10/08/2006 13:36

ckmum, I've not been in your postion so can't offer any advice but wanted to say you are not pathetic, stupid or a failure. I'm sure you will get the courage and the opportunity to get out soon. Is it your h who is following you?

DVX · 10/08/2006 14:33

ckmum it has taken some of us years to get away so dont beat yourself up about it at all! After all if you have been placed under huge pressure and conditioned for years it will take years to get out of it.

Smellen · 10/08/2006 14:59

CKMUM, is there anyone you can trust who you can talk to? If you have a friend you can confide in and who can offer you some practical help, it might be easier.

It is not admitting failure to tell people what is really going on - it is taking the first step to changing your life for the better.

You don't sound like a failure to me, or stupid - this relationship has eaten away at your confidence. Don't give up on yourself - you must have a tiny core left inside you, of how you used to be and what you wanted out of your life. Cling onto that person.

There are MN-ers who have successfully left manipulative and controlling men. If you post specific problems, they may be able to offer you some more practical advice.

Good luck.

JennyLee · 10/08/2006 15:42

oh I meant to add tyedye that in my council area in Scotland they also come and take your stuff if you have it ready packed and store it for you but it costs money when you get your permanent house to get it all back, but that might help too so you could take and store larger items while in temp accomodation. not sure if they do that in england but worth asking homelessness advisor or women's refuge person. also when they meet you at the temp house to give you the keus they make sure there is electricity for the first few days and give you a pack about all the local info you need, and every 2 weeks come to see you to tell you when you might get re housed and how it is going. single moms get their rent paid too.

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Tyedye · 11/08/2006 14:40

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Tyedye · 12/08/2006 14:36

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Tyedye · 12/08/2006 14:38

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stephanieplum · 12/08/2006 14:39

You are not the failure here tyedye! Take care of yourself and your teens in the end you will be ok I am quite sure.

jackjohnsonshat · 13/08/2006 20:24

I hope this isn't an intrusion. But I have on a number of occassions been bothered by my own powerlessness as a witness to aggressive arguing and, in this one case, actual violence. Can I ask if any of you care to look at this and tell me your opinions on what I should do. many thanks

Original poster
Tyedye · 17/08/2006 09:52

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