Oh God! Just looked up H OW on FB - feel sick

[Whatnext074]

I know I shouldn't have done it but I was curious. Yesterday I told myself that I didn't need to search for her but I just did, I didn't know her surname but just did a search under her first name and location.

My H told me she was older than me but she doesn't look it and I feel so sick as she is stunning. I feel sick, I feel sick! It's all in my head now and I shouldn't have looked. I'm just torturing myself. I'll never get better.

[cozietoesie]

You're not weak. You're hanging on in there.

I'm guessing you haven't eaten much today - if anything. Could you heat yourself some soup or something?

[SlangKing]

Nobody will forgive you cuz you haven't done anything wrong.


The guy's a bell-end that you're well shot of, as you'll realise when you're less distraught.


Your self esteem has taken a huge hit. If he'd run off with a wart-faced dragon, right now you'd be telling yourself "OMG, she's a dog compared to me. It must be my obnoxious personality!"

It's NOT the way you look or the way you are. It's cuz he's a deceiving, cheating arse who was cruel to you. You're worth way more than that.

If you aren't gonna call anyone, keep typing. It helps you organise/rationalize your thoughts.

[nameimadeupjustnow]

Good things happen to you, too. Like your DS, and you managed to raise him up to a man. The next thing that happens is going to be you feeling a little better, then another little bit better. You will feel better than you do tonight.

[Whatnext074]

Been on ADs for 6 weeks, GP said they'd work after 5 weeks. My brother coming tomorrow, I can't cope anymore, know I shouldn't be at work but family said I can't take anymore time off, what would I do? I've had enough, haven't slept for days, hadn't eaten for 3 days so had soup tonight. I am destroyed. I feel ashamed.

[rootypig]

OP are you still there? cozie is right, could you eat something? just focus on surviving.

[rootypig]

x post, sorry.

The ADs might not have kicked in yet, they work differently for everyone. Give it some more time.

Re work: what do work say? why would your family tell you not to take more time off, if you need it?

[Zhx3]

No-one will forgive you because it sounds to me as if there is nothing to forgive? All of those bad things that have happened to you - not one of them was your fault.

Your boy loves you, and you love him. Hold onto that until you can speak to someone in person.

[Whatnext074]

My boss said she's worried about me and I shouldn't be at work and she doesn't know how to help me. My GP said the same. I know I'm not well enough but what would I do, sit at home? I can't bear to go out with panic attacks and there are so many memories, we moved here for our future, better life. I'm stuck.

[clarinsgirl]

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are devastated because someone you love and trust has betrayed you. There's no shame in that. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time, it will get better.

[nameimadeupjustnow]

Of course you can take more time off work. Are you signed off at the moment?

[Whatnext074]

Nobody would forgive me if I took control and ended my pain. I don't want to be sectioned.

[Whatnext074]

Can anyone help me? I'm sorry.

[nameimadeupjustnow]

Ah, good, I'm glad your boss and GP agree.

Will you feel easier about getting out of the house with your brother?

[AgentZigzag]

It's not that they wouldn't forgive you for doing that, it's that the hole you'd leave in their lives would be just as painful as what you're suffering with now.

They'd want you to stay with them because they value and love you.

Asking for professional help doesn't necessarily equal being sectioned, sometimes you have to try a couple of things (meds/dosages etc) before you find what works for you.

[clarinsgirl]

OP, please don't do anything rash. There is always hope. I know everything seems black but you will solve each problem one by one, just like you have before. There is always a way forward.

[nameimadeupjustnow]

You seem to have a lot of people around who care very much for you. They want to help you.

[rootypig]

It sounds as though your boss is understanding. Is she? can you arrange to have some more time off? then go back and see another doctor - if your GP has said she or he doesn't know how to help you, then you need to see another. There will be people who can and will help you, yes.

[rootypig]

Ah, your GP said you shouldn't be at work! that makes more sense, sorry OP.

[SlangKing]

You're in control NOW. It's you that's reading and typing and it's working for you, even if it doesn't feel like it yet. Keep doing it.

[AgentZigzag]

Do you feel able to ring someone in real life?

Even if it's just for the MN vipers?

You shouldn't feel you need to punish yourself because of the lies he's told you.

[MistressDeeCee]

Whatnext074 are you still here?

[nameimadeupjustnow]

Your boss and gp can help you get the time off that you need. You must be so tired, and stressed, and of course you need more time to recover. It's only been such a short time - four weeks - not nearly enough for you to come out of the shock.

[Whatnext074]

I need to go now. I am so tired and I haven't finished my emails to H and DS. I'm sorry, thank you for support. I don't want my DS to see this thread. I'm sorry.

[clarinsgirl]

Please remember that you are in shock, you haven't eaten and you haven't slept. Don't worry about emails, go to bed, try to sleep and please post in the morning x