Oh God! Just looked up H OW on FB - feel sick

[Whatnext074]

I know I shouldn't have done it but I was curious. Yesterday I told myself that I didn't need to search for her but I just did, I didn't know her surname but just did a search under her first name and location.

My H told me she was older than me but she doesn't look it and I feel so sick as she is stunning. I feel sick, I feel sick! It's all in my head now and I shouldn't have looked. I'm just torturing myself. I'll never get better.

Only just seen your post, hope you're feeling more together this morning.

Know how bad it is, how much it hurts too. Unfortunately theres too many of us in our position.

I'm two years on from me ex leaving this month. Not been easy, we've hit rock bottom too many times, but we've got something my ex gave up and thats trust in each other. My two younger sons stil love their Dad despite what hes done, and his actions in always putting his new partner and her children first, they mostly see through his lies, but hes not part of their daily life any more hes just a 'Sunday father' and thats when hes not got anything better to do.

Takes a lot of getting used that your ex no longer loves you, or cares for you, and someone else is his priority now. Its still very early days for you, just concentrate on getting through each day one at a time, if you can't do that, then break it down into hours to cope with until you are getting by again.

I've lurked on my ex's new partners FB too, does me no good, shes friends with a few relatives i'm friends with, done me no good, and definately doesn't help when she posts comments under ones i've posted! Thats how i found her on there.

Hoping you've got something nice to do to today, and sending a virtual hug, you sound like you need one big time x

Thanks MNHQ.

And can anyone reading this, who has a lighthearted attitude to affairs, that it must have been caused by the marriage, who thinks people should just get over it already, remember this thread for the trauma, devastation and despair that infidelity really inflicts.

OP, when you start separating your identity from him, realise that his behaviour really does not determine your worth, absorb all the messages of really how incapable this person is of loving, and learn to be your own best friend and protector, you will start seeing you are better off without him.

But between now and that time, is absolute hell. Keep breathing, focus on the love your son has for you, reach out to friends and family who really care for you, and take one day at a time.

Well said wobbly wise words indeed.

Thinking of you OP, hope you're ok x

Whatnext, please take this advice from me and contact Crisis

They helped my Mum when my father walked out whilst she had tonnes of other stuff on her plate. House being repossessed being just one. She had suicidal thoughts, and whilst I tried my best to help, she needed a support team. You need people in real life, but most won't know how to support you fully, these people will. Sectioning is a last resort, you are not there, get help from these people now lovely.

Please ring them xxx.

I am so sorry you are going through this. And please remember, people don't put pictures of themselves looking hanging on Facebook! It's not a true reflection.

Just read your thread OP, hope you managed to get some sleep and that you're a little better. The pain is unimaginable but it WILL get better. Keep talking, even if it is just on here. The whole time you're talking, time is passing and your head is dealing with it.

You will look back on this thread in a year and be SO proud of yourself and your strength.

They are a pair of cunts who deserve each other...YOU deserve better.

Just read the whole thread OP and am thinking of you. What a pair of utter low-lifes, they deserve each other.

I deactivated my FB account a couple of months ago. I had 250 'friends' ha I don't think so. I doubt more them 10% of them could tell me my parents names. A girl I use to work with put Charlotte from SATC as her picture profile??

Anyway I digress. You can and will get through this. It's only been 4 weeks. They have been living in a fantasy bubble that will burst. She will never trust him, their relationship is built on lies and deception. It doesn't matter what she looks like, she is certainly ugly on the inside.

We are here for you x

I hope you got some sleep OP. I know that you feel there is no way out and you can't imagine a time when you won't feel so awful, but it will get better. Other people have put it much better than me, but you will mourn and then you will start to heal. Don't panic about 'going backwards'. This is all perfectly normal part of grief.

As for the OW, well I'm afraid I am very black and white when it comes to these types of things. She could be the most beautiful, intelligent woman in the world, but she went after a married man and to me that makes her ugly. Also, everyone on Facebook is beautiful and happy and cultured. In real life it is a bit different.

You are doing all the right things, getting help, talking, getting support. Unfortunately the only thing that helps is time.

I hope you've had some rest. Your utter despair really resonates with me. You have hit rock bottom. There is only one way to go now and that's up. Be kind to yourself. X

Morning Whatnext

How are you feeling?

Morning Whatnext. I hope you got some sleep and are feeling a little better today.

Are you having counselling to help you work through this.?
It is a real grieving process that you have to go through and it hurts like fuck, but with the right help and support you will get through it at your own speed.

Please look after yourself , stop contacting your H and concentrate in getting yourself right again.

Hi Whatnext. Please post, let us know how you're doing.

Just read this thread, what next. So sorry you've hit a new low.
I hope you're ok. No more advice to add except please continue up get support. Post here if its helping. Speak to somebody in real life. Do whatever gets you through. But you will get through.
Hugs. So sorry but you will be ok again. Hold on to that thought x

I hope your brother is with you now and you are getting some help and comfort. 4 weeks is not long indeed in even starting to work through what has happened to you. I wish you well, hope things don't look so dark today.

This thread is really worrying, really hope you're "ok", Whatnext. Come back and let us know please x

How are you feeling tonight?
Sending you lots of love xxx

Whatnext. I have just found this and it doesn't sound like the happy Whatnext who had a great day at the horseshow with her friend?
I hope you got through the night and had a good visit with you db today(((Hugs)))

Whatnext I am thinking of you and desperately hoping that you are ok. If you are able to, please let us know. x

I'm so sorry, I never want to worry anyone ever but I know I have. I am desperate and the pain is like nothing I could have ever imagined.

I believe all your kindness saved me. I made it through the night, slept for 2 hours and woke up in a cold sweat and have been getting sick all day, I am physically struggling as well as mentally. But I did make it through the night.

My brother and his girlfriend came today and let me just cry and cry and hugged me. Bought me a teddy which I held onto all day.

I am overwhelmed by the kindness and sincerity of strangers and thanks to those who pm'd and contacted MNHQ.

I can't say I feel stronger today but I did make it through last night.

I have deactivated my FB account too, I will try not to torture myself anymore.

I'm glad to hear you are ok. I know how much it hurts but you can't let him destroy you. It's not easy but it does get better in time. You will get great support on here. MN has got me through some difficult times and still does.

See your doctor and a counsellor and get the help you need to get through this.

So glad you're okay. Don't apologise to us. Glad that your brother and his girlfriend are supporting you.

So glad you're ok. It will get better, it really really will. Unfortunately you have to get through this horrible wretchedness first. But we're all here for you. And one day you will wonder if you really ever felt this bad.

Hope you get some sleep tonight

See, people DO care about you. Some @ElaineBrunskill: Ah.. In love with my own t-shirt, sad but truejust struggle to know what you do or say when faced with a person crying with emotional pain. Your brother and g/f came because you were there for him when he needed support and he loves you. He bought you a teddy! You are a great sister and mother. Just a Shane the y