Oh God! Just looked up H OW on FB - feel sick

[Whatnext074]

I know I shouldn't have done it but I was curious. Yesterday I told myself that I didn't need to search for her but I just did, I didn't know her surname but just did a search under her first name and location.

My H told me she was older than me but she doesn't look it and I feel so sick as she is stunning. I feel sick, I feel sick! It's all in my head now and I shouldn't have looked. I'm just torturing myself. I'll never get better.

I really don't think he would ever ask for another chance. By the way, I was right, he has a German car - to go with his German OW!

He was crying anyway, said he found it hard being in what was our home - so how do I cope being surrounded by our memories???!!!

I said that I know he has no respect for me but I would appreciate it if he wouldn't be bad-mouthing me to people and rubbishing our relationship. He cried even harder then and said he would never and has never said bad things about me and he has never rubbished our relationship (apart from sleeping with the OW - I'm guessing).

I told him I have been told that he has been saying leaving me was long overdue and he should have done it ages before, he denied it - crying harder - I said that's what people are telling me and why should I believe him. He said he would never say that. Anyway, I told him which member of his family had said it and he said she was wrong and he would speak to her. I told him she has no reason to lie to me but why should I trust him. That's why he was crying so hard, trying to convince me that he has respect for me and doesn't want me wiped out of his life.

He's messed up!

He sounds like he's being pathetic. I don't mean that as insult, I mean it in the true sense.

He is obviously a mess...and it's his own making.

Does it make you feel better knowing he's not just breezing around, loving his new life??

Yes mamma it does and I try not to be a bad person. I would have really, really struggled if he looked great, he wasn't even wearing his new clothes. Of course, it could all be a show as he might have wanted me to see him like that and he's going to his parents now so if he looks terrible, they'll give him sympathy.

But, he is usually on top of getting his hair cut regularly so maybe it wasn't for show, I'll never work him out anymore.

Well done for handling a very difficult situation with maturity and calmness. I know it was hard but you did the right thing. Obviously he regrets what he has done - but his pride will not let him tell you that. He has made a new life.

I understand the feeling sorry for him. I don't hate my STBXH and I would never give him the satisfaction if knowing that if I did hate him. I feel sorry for him that at 46 he has to keep up with a 27 year old. I feel sorry he has lost all of our friends that we made through the children's school - because he has moved out of the area and, I feel sorry for him and the children as he doesn't get to see them first thing in the morning, cuddle them when they are asleep in bed, wipe their tears awAy and laugh with them. He sees them but it isn't like living with them. So yes I feel sorry for my STBXH and I can see why you do.

Right let's get planning that meet up in London - sometime in jan/ feb perhaps????? X

You have done brilliantly. No wonder he was crying when he can probably see what the hundreds of people who have read this can see.
You were the opposite of weak. You showed strength through your compassion. Only a heartless twat could fail to be moved by seeing ANYONE cry let alone someone they love. You can't just switch off feelings. You wouldn't be human if you could.
Whatever path your life takes, you have shown resilience you can truly be proud of. Well done lovely xxx

You're not a bad person...you're normal.

I doubt it was for show. I think it probably hit him hard you looking so together, coming back from your 'trip'...not crying.

You've showed him what he's missing today- a kind, compassionate, strong woman.

Save your energy trying to work him out, to me honest, it doesn't seem like even he could work himself out!!

How you feeling bout tonight? Ready to go and enjoy yourself a little?

Thank you so much for your support through this, really. I logged on here this morning to read some of the posts to get some strength. My family really didn't want me to be here when he came but I knew I had to be. I can't believe he only took his bike and a couple of cycling clothes!

I am absolutely exhausted but know that tonight will do me good. Although 5 minutes after he left, I put my pjs back on until I need to get ready for going out.

I wasn't sure about the fringe and him seeing me with it but I'm glad I looked so different to him, even my clothes were not what I would usually wear. He can't fail to think that I looked well - lots of concealer under my eyes and eye drops to hide my tiredness.....

Now I just need to put a few pounds back on and get solid good sleep for a few weeks.

All that fuss about you not being there...the timings etc and he only wanted his sodding bike!!!!!

Yes yes to pj's on a Saturday...I've just changed out of my awfully tight hot pants back into pj's...much more comfortable.

Well my darling, have a nice evening...you deserve a nice time. Enjoy a few vino's. you've bloody earnt it today.

cheers to you whatnext.

Well done what.

I've just taken my very, very high heels off and put the rest of the gin away. there's not much left, you boozy vipers

"He cried and cried. I asked him why he was crying, he said he was so sad. I said he has made his choice so I don't know why he's sad"

Said EXACTLY the same to my Exp. love him dearly, always will, but they go off on these stupid pathetic CHILDISH tangents and can't see what they've left behind. Hopefully your h got a glimpse of the new 'you' and it made him think.

Can I take my hot pants off now, they're cutting off my circulation and frightening the Dc's ?

Yes, you can all join me and put your pjs on x

and my onesie

oh whatnext, you did so well! Im dead impressed. You so had the upper hand

I can understand why you felt sorry for him but do excuse me if I don't. I may be a cynic but crocodile comes to mind. He didn't say sorry for a start. Poor him eh

I'll also have you know I froze to death in my silver shoes today

Yey! Though I have just persuaded the Dc's to go out fir a blustery quick walk with dog. I need air and to stop thinking about him and his frigging birthday .

What are you doing tonight what? Something good I hope? I can't listen to any music at home or in car after he left me, but I have been out a couple of times and danced and its good for the endorphins!!

Pj's - phew. The only up side of the heartbreak weight loss is I can fit into age 13-14 kids clothes and cheaper!!! Now how sad is that?

Sounds like you did amazingly well :)

Time now to get his stuff packed up and put out of sight.

Enjoy your night out - am out with my friends tonight. Rarely spend a Saturday night in now - I love it :)

Hello Ladies, just got back and can't believe how well you've done WHAT>

When we discussed our settlement agreement my H cried twice - once when I said I'd moved on and needed it sorted. once when I said calmly that I wouldn't fall out with him over this and the amount of anger he was showing to me suggested that he hadn't and still had strong feelings for me!!! I can't believe I held it together so well he didn't cry like a baby then though just had the odd tear running down his bowed head. He cried like a baby when he came to 'choose' between us and I told him It wasn't his choice to make I'd already rented a place!!!!
He also looked a mess and still does 2yrs later now just moved in with her,
I can't hate him and still love and feel so sad for him but not wasting my life waiting for him any more.

You area mazing WHAT I'm not surprised you are shattered with all of us round waving pom poms and drinking gin,
I think I need a lie down now before a heavy night of TV in my pjs

So many smiley faces from you.

I just fell asleep for an hour, think the adrenaline and exhaustion hit me.

Am going out for drinking and dancing. Hope it goes okay as sometimes I feel okay but then like last weekend, I had a complete meltdown. I have never gone through so many emotions as I have over the past few weeks.

cjel - so it sounds like my H is still following some kind of script with his tears. I bet if he came in a couple of days time, he would be cold again, then next time tears, then next time cold.....

I can't tell you how pleased I am that he looked terrible, I feel so bad about that but at least this is impacting him in some way. Well, his OW has really got him at his best hasn't she?!

itwillgetbettersoon - London meet up would be good. There seems to be a few people from that area.

great you managed a sleep, hope you have a lovely evening.
It is a weird sort of comfort when they don't bloom with OW, Mine was going to do all the sports etc with her that I didn't do but he has got fatter and more unfit in two years. I don't know why its good to see - maybe because it helps us to realise the truth that we aren't as bad as they said we are. and heres another for youxx

what have got to your thread late in the day, and can't say anything better than what has already been said.

Well done on getting through it and for being the stronger person and having the upper hand.

As for divorce, it is not a joint decision, it is your decision as you have said, so well done for that.

Have a nice evening out.

Oooooooh drinking & dancing, I'm actually jealous!

If I were to find myself suddenly & unexpectedly single again & would definitely do that & I would also make it my mission to snog a thoroughly unsuitable young man!

Well done What! You are strong and you are fabulous. I'm really proud of you .

Now you can get on with changing your home to the way you want it to be. Put away anything that makes you feel sad when you see it.

I think it's normal to feel compassion for another when you see them in distress. You weren't weak - it was a totally understandable reaction. You can't erase so many years of shared history so easily.

Enjoy your evening, I hope you sleep well. I kind of expect maybe a delayed reaction, the adrenaline will have kept you going for these few hours. Take care, today's been a milestone for you x

It's brilliant that you were nice to him. You offered him coffee and were kind when he cried. Mainly that's brilliant because you have stayed true to who you are during this, but also it's a tiny bit brilliant because you being genuinely nice to them when they are being horrible to you just slays them.

Hey OP, only just read this, read your first page and then skipped to the last to make sure you were ok and I am flabbergasted by the change in your posts.

I haven't been involved in your thread at all but am so pleased that you are so far away from where you were a few weeks ago.

Can I knuckle bump you please? Pow!

How brilliant are you? About as brilliant as the sun! Well done, you said exactly the right things; it's inevitable that you felt sadness, but you did so well in spite of it. Hercules!

I do hope you're having a good time, and that you sleep well tonight.

JUX - dead jealous of those hotpants