Oh God! Just looked up H OW on FB - feel sick

[Whatnext074]

I know I shouldn't have done it but I was curious. Yesterday I told myself that I didn't need to search for her but I just did, I didn't know her surname but just did a search under her first name and location.

My H told me she was older than me but she doesn't look it and I feel so sick as she is stunning. I feel sick, I feel sick! It's all in my head now and I shouldn't have looked. I'm just torturing myself. I'll never get better.

I'm so sorry btw that you went through that hideous robbery. You poor thing, it must have been awful for you, especially as you were pg ((((((hug))))))

YOur X has no right to 'store' his stuff where he wants at your place. Anything he doesn't take you can box up and put in shed or garage. I'm not sure you even 'have' to do that. I always checked with solicitor when he said he had rights and quite often they don't they just like to think they have.
A quick call to yours will let you know what is right.
So sorry to hear ds has had a bad night, but great he came home to you. His journalling is great and if you can encourage him to have counselling that would really help him deal with those feelings.xx

Hi What I'm just dropping in to let you know that I'm one of the many hundreds of silent supporters who will be standing right beside you tomorrow.

The vast distance you have come already in such a short time since your first post speaks volumes about the powerful and strong woman you are inside. Your xh will sense but not understand the change inside you and will quake.

what as others have said, it is good that DS can express those feelings to you a d you can help each other through it. You need to be strong for him and he will be strong for you.

Sending you positive vibes for tomorrow. Box up all his stuff and he takes it or it gets dumped.

Keep strong tomorrow. You've had more brilliant advice and support and (to echo what someone said earlier) I am so proud of you. Really don't mean that to sound patronising but I absolutely mean it.
FWIW my advice would be to keep reminding yourself he's a stranger, he's not the person you knew. Maybe this will help you be more objective and detached. I found it helped me be less emotionally charged and more controlled when I needed to be.
Best wishes what. I would also like to join your supporters club- I also live near London and would happily share a bottle or two with you x

Your poor darling son. I was thinking of him and do drying when it would hit him. Least he's able to talk and come home and see you. He sounds a brilliant son. You and he have come through so much together.

If your ex thinks he's going to clear his stuff in 15 mins he is sadly mistaken. I agree that he needs to take every last bit of crap in the house that's his. My Dc's dad STILL hasn't cleared the cellar - think every toaster box, a screw driver, bits of glass, fishing bloody tackle etc etc. of course he took the things he NEEDED , but the shit needs to go too. And I agree with not being a charity shop service for him. My guess is he will have to make several
Journeys... Lets hope it's pissing it down not good weather.

I will be standing next to cjel with my pom poms humming "go on now go, walk out the door"... I'm the beach blonde scrawny looking one

Oh my goodness, I have just logged on and have had 2 days without any tears but your posts have made me so emotional. I had no idea about all the silent support I was getting on here, it means so much to me. I had just started to feel anxious about tomorrow but this has given me strength - thank you so much!

I will keep in mind that he is a stranger to me, that is exactly what he is. His loving, caring side went when he defiled our marriage in the cruellest of ways, particularly blaming me for everything for 2 months and I did nothing wrong except grieve. I need to remember that.

Whatnext - am late to your thread but I will be there tomorrow too.

Have gone through similar myself this year and know how hard this sort of visit is.

You will get through this and come out the other side a stronger person. I know as I am but would not have believed this a year ago.

Stbexh is still the same - a bully and now dependant on his bimbo. Can't make choices for himself.

redundant is right. It's not OK for him to use the place as a storage unit, whether or not he still owns it. It's your home and he needs to show you more respect.

Who's going to be there tomorrow? I know you said that DS won't be anymore, but who is? You don't want to do this alone. Really. You need someone around. A male friend or relative? And get that stuff boxed and bagged and waiting for him. Really - get a bunch of mates round tomorrow am with binbags and fill them for him to give him a head start on his 15 minutes. You sounded like you're dipping at an unfortunate time. You really need to be strong and hold it together so that tomorrow's visit is on your terms, not his. You know he'll try and bully you when you are down. Make sure he takes it all. Get his baggage out of your way.

Yes, please do try to get someone round, or he'll bully you and just do whatever he wants.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow, though I may not be online at the time (probably desperately trying to squeeeeeeeeeze into those hotpants!).

Jux am jealous of the hotpants!! Although I'm obviously a stunner! I've never had the legs for hotpants

I decided not to have anyone here tomorrow as I don't ant him to think that I need someone here because I can't handle the situation. I want him to see my strength. I will have in my mind throughout that I have lots of support behind me though.

It will be 6 weeks since we saw each other or spoke (apart from my dark Saturday). I have no idea how it's going to go or what he will look like now but then again, he doesn't know either. It's just so sad, stupid man.

Meant to add, this is so important to me because it will determine how I am in my healing process and how I move forward from here. I need to stay strong.

I understand that, it is important to be able to focus on what you think and feel and as long as you have people you can ring for a chat if you need to after(or MN). It is quite tiring and you may feel you need a sleep after. or chocolate or a dance! I did find that I needed something to 'do' after even if its just washing or dishwasher or hoovering to burn off the adrenalin.

Stay strong in front of this weak pathetic creature who was your DH. Stay strong for that boy who is heartbroken over his SF behaviour and the loss of his siblings.
Stay strong and in doing this your will see your H as the pathetic weak callous individual he is.
Think of your DS when he is there -that alone should keep you focused. Do not argue be calm and factual, let him see that you are coping without him.
Your MN army will be behind you

Delurking to say that I regularly check in on your thread and I'm waving all the imaginary pom poms in the world for you. You and your DS deserve so much peace and happiness x

Yes....if you feel a wobble tomorrow think about how upset your gorgeous ds is and use the anger to create strength.

You are so strong now and I think you'll confuse the hell out of him.
X

what handholding & pompom shaking hard for tomorrow. What time is he coming? Didn't you say early in the morning?

Sending you strong vibes. Stay strong. Stay dignified. Hold your head up. You do NOT have to be a victim. You have class & this little cretin will only be breathing the same air as you for a short time tomorrow.

Oh...... & hide the camera!!

Hi whatnext. just remember that tomorrow when your ex is there you will have a virtual room of mumsnetters standing behind you all cheering you on. If you start to feel panicky, just think of us lot stood there growling and waving our rolling pins not that I have one but you get the gist

Mummy I think its after 3pm

1pm - on the dot x

Well you have my support! Like I said, never ever say 'I am' and follow with a 'negative'... You are strong, you are positive, you are confident, you are sure, you are .... :) you are whatever you want to be. And most of all... you are SUPPORTED... :) I wish you well for tomorrow but I really think you will do fine :)

I've decided to wear my silver shoes tomorrow. So I'll be at the front (short) with the silver shoes. Can;t miss me

I will be the tartan cladded scottish hobbit brandashing a haggis to clout the twunt with --standing beside springy in the silver shoes

Springy, I haven't even thought what to wear, I can't do hot pants or silver shoes have some lovely suede pumps with gold on the toes do you think they will be ok with smart jeans?