Oh God! Just looked up H OW on FB - feel sick

[Whatnext074]

I know I shouldn't have done it but I was curious. Yesterday I told myself that I didn't need to search for her but I just did, I didn't know her surname but just did a search under her first name and location.

My H told me she was older than me but she doesn't look it and I feel so sick as she is stunning. I feel sick, I feel sick! It's all in my head now and I shouldn't have looked. I'm just torturing myself. I'll never get better.

I've got a rolling pin.. And a baton.. Your ex h had better behave..

I'm ironing the hot pants as we speak in preparation....bought a special pair of Pom poms today too...

Whatnext....hope ur ok and manage some sleep tonight.

Hugs

X

Lol at cjel....the jeans and pumps sound fine. Just be there or be square :)

cjel sure you'll look lovely !

mamma IRONING???

So what hope you have something nice and new to wear tomorrow for your 'trip back from London' ... I know games aren't ideal... But it doesn't hurt to check your watch/phone from time to time if you think The conversation/atmosphere is getting a bit fraught/uncomfortable tomorrow. Nothing wrong with it at all. Might buy you some thinking time.

How you took a sleeping tablet and are fast asleep . Night

night everyone - I will sleep now I know jeans are ok.xx

Hell yeah...all pressed and ironed and ready to go.
Sleep well all...especially you whatnext.

Night x

He won't want to talk, he'll just want to get out as quick as possible. I do need to see what he's taking though and he won't like me following him round. Will be hard to see him putting stuff in his car. I don't even know what car he has - 11 years of driving him round and now he gets a driving licence!

I am going for a dark, rock type of look. I hate lying and thought today that I'll need to be out of the house and 'return from London' with my little case as he might be waiting outside in his car if he gets here early and will question me as to why I am in if he's early.

Night all x

Huh what??? No case, no Nuffink. Be in 'early' if you want. You have absolutely no explaining to do. Are you going to expect him To tell you what he's been doing all morning. No. Tight lipped. Hello. Maybe offer him a brew IF you're feeling generous. If not just make yourself one and follow him about with tea in one hand and bin bags in the other. Nonchalant on the outside. Even if you are knotting on the inside. Please don't feel you have to say anything to him hun. Big squeeze.

he won't like me following him round

er TOUGH. That's just too bad eh?

And you didn't like much him treating you like shit for two months - when you were grieving - and then buggering off with a bit of stuff. And then blaming you for his shitty, shitty, vile behaviour. And then telling you effectively to pull yourself together, impassive in the face of your distress and panic attack (which was caused by him and his shitty actions). And then ordering you about this way and that, forcing you to justify your every decision.

Fuck him, frankly. Fuck him and what he does and doesn't like.

Do what you like.

(I've got a marble rolling pin if that helps)

Morning what....

Not sure if you'll check on here this morning. Just wanted to see how you're doing. Really hope you slept.

If it makes you feel strong to arrive after him from your trip to London, then go for it. If that will boost you and help give you a calm, cool 'together' vibe then go for it.

Thought of something this morning that I wanted to share. Don't know if it will help but when I went non to be induced for dd2 I was petrified. Totally and utterly paralysed with fear. Didn't want to go kind if fear. My sister told me to him the Rocky theme tune or song Eye of the Tiger under my breath. Haha!!! It really works...,you feel like you can conquer the world!!!!

So- not sure if it'll work for you but if you're feeling anxious this morning, whilst you're pacing around the house this morning....hum one of those 'fighters' tunes. Makes you feel like a champ!!!

You can do this.
Thinking of you x

Me and my typos.....,

Obviously I meant 'hum' the tunes.....

Sending out the vibes today what.

I agree you don't need to go anywhere this morning. You don't need explain your whereabouts to him.

Wishing you all the strength in the world today, What. don't be afraid to tell him to put something back if you don't want him taking it. I'll be thinking of you x

Thinking of you this morning and obviously will be right there with you. IME they are usually very nervous and subdued when they have to come as it is the only time they get a reality check. He has more to 'lose' today than you have - all you get is your home back to live in and make how you want. Do exactly what makes you feel strong, if you need to follow then follow, if you need to 'unpack', sort washing, make tea, text a friend sit in lounge and chat to all your new friends there with you then do all that. See you about 12.30 - will be singing as well.xx

Morning

Had a thought one thing that still bugs my ex if I text lots or gets meesages when he is here? Jealous I have a life??? Anyhow if you could get friends to text you lots today then it might make him think you are getting on with your life??

Morning all. I'm coming today, too.
Very, very high heels and a bottle of gin!

mamma - that is a motivational song however they are my H's favourite films and he joked that he wanted me to walk down the aisle to that song.

I know he'll be more nervous than me coming here which will probably make him even colder. I am so anxious this morning though, today is so important to me. Am practising my deep breathing.

My friend has been texting me about our going out plans tonight but I can't think beyond lunchtime at the moment. Stupid man, this is all so unnecessary, he didn't have to do this. 7 weeks since I found out about his OW, 6 weeks since I last saw him. I know it's not nice of me but I hope he looks dreadful.

Oh bugger!!! That won't work then. Ok....how about Destiny's child "I'm a survivor"...

Yep- dont worry about tonight. Concentrate on this morning. Then him being there. Then you can think about later.

Really hope you're ok. Sorry for reminding you of memories by suggesting those songs. Foot in mouth!!!!
X

Don't worry, Destiny's Child is a good one x

Ps- it's normal to hope he looks dreadful!! I think you should prepare yourself that'll he'll look different. New clothes etc. mind you...he'll have a surprise when he sees you, new haircut, new clothes.....and a new swagger. Last he heard as on that black Saturday....that lady is stronger now.

Pps- you're right to expect coldness. It's how he'll cope with it. Don't let it upset you- it's an act. He'll be detached to do what he's got to do. X

Good luck lovely . Actually wrong turn of phrase- you don't need 'luck' you're in control now and calling the shots.
Will be thinking of you and waving those Pom poms ... Give us a 'W'. .... Give us an ' H' ....
I'm the statuesque gazelle in the second row, with sequinned leotard xx

tbh I'm concerned that if you arrive late he'll let himself in - justifying it by saying to himself that you said 1pm and that if you're not there...

I think he may also say something along the lines of 'I'm glad to see you have pulled yourself together' ie 'owning' even your huge efforts.

I honestly don't think he'll be nervous. He left himself behind when he did the vile thing and anything human just won't feature imo. I would guess he has no intention of doubting himself. He's shown what he's prepared to do.

Fix him with a cool eye. Like a toddler who is playing up.

Silver shoes at the ready. I'd wear a hat but that would make me tall and then I'd have to move to the back.

"I will survive"? It's a good one. You could putnitnon just begins he arrives. Have the radio on .

When my DDs dad arrives I am always surprised at how crap he looks after losing weight and doing triathlons with new wife. And he smells - I mean horrible- it's like an ammonia smell . I hold my breath when I let him
Out of the front door. He's just married but ain't making much effort.

Sing songs loudly before 1 pm - get your endorphins up. Then your mantra is 'if in doubt, say nowt!' . Oh and if you aren't sure about him taking an item then say 'we need to discuss that'.

I'll be there with shiny lip gloss... Now where did I put it...

Thinking of you today what and will be there in spirit too. I like the picture of you making yourself a cuppa and sipping at it as you watch him [ie. absentmindedly making one cup, as that's usually what you do now..]

I'd make sure I was in, in case he tries to let himself in....you took an earlier train didn't you...

If you falter hum an empowering song of your choice, remember all the support behind you and feel justified anger remembering how H has hurt your dear son too. It's good DS can turn to you and express his feelings. You can be strong for him now, as you come over as having a lot of integrity and empathy.

FWIW my 2 sons were rejected and very angry towards their father, very. Both were with their partners for a long time before they married, and are now, I dare I say it, stable, reliable, responsible men who would abhor doing to their wives and sons what my ex did to us. They learnt the hard way what not to do, how not to treat people.

All the best what, you're going to be fine - then see your friend/s tonight, and vent.... X