Oh God! Just looked up H OW on FB - feel sick

[Whatnext074]

I know I shouldn't have done it but I was curious. Yesterday I told myself that I didn't need to search for her but I just did, I didn't know her surname but just did a search under her first name and location.

My H told me she was older than me but she doesn't look it and I feel so sick as she is stunning. I feel sick, I feel sick! It's all in my head now and I shouldn't have looked. I'm just torturing myself. I'll never get better.

I'm just squeezing into those hotpants ........
Will be cheering for you at 1pm.

Me too....hot pants on and I'm on my way over...

Cashmere, martini in hand (evening here) and I'm told I do a haughty look of absolute derision fairly competently.....GOOD LUCK

Hot pants and Pom poms ready. Plus cake and tea. Hope it isn't too bad. Another hurdle out of the way.

Ok, time to practice your breathing.. Deep breaths... Make a cup of tea... Radio on... Bin bags at the ready ...

You'll be so busy making us all cups of tea that you won't even notice him. Have you got 17 mugs?

Thinking of you hun, I truly hope it's not as bad as you think
It might be. He'll be the one feeling out of place and weird. Not you. X

Haggis in one hand bagpipes in the other. If the haggis don't kill him me palying the pipes sure will...
He doesn't stand a chance against us lot.
Chin up tits out what it will soon be over

I'm here too, what. I'm the one built like a russian shot-putter standing over there (on my own) and giving him evils. Don't mess with the what

Right...deep breath my lovely. We're all here. Calm, calm, calm.
You can do this.

All done

How u doing? You ok?

Sending a hug x

And...you ok hun? Was he smelly and Unattractive? Hope so...hug

I was 5 minutes late from getting my 'train'. He waited outside the house which was good. He saw me walking down the road with my case and my new clothes.

He didn't take much, I asked him to take it all but he said there was no room in the car. I said I needed his stuff gone so I can move on. I did offer him a coffee but he refused.

He looks absolutely terrible, very skinny, needs a haircut, untidy beard, just terrible (thank God).

He cried and cried. I asked him why he was crying, he said he was so sad. I said he has made his choice so I don't know why he's sad.

I was incredibly strong, surprised myself and I think my mask worked.

I probably let myself down as when he just cried so much, I said I don't hate him, I just wish he had talked to me and there was no need for things to turn out like this.

I would have found it harder if he had looked great and well. By the way, there is nothing wrong with him as his chest x-rays came back fine.

I can't help feel sorry for him, he has destroyed me but I'm the one feeling sorry for him. What's wrong with me?!

you are fabulous what. I take my hat off to you.
I am glad he looked and felt awful. Perhaps he is starting to realise just what he has thrown away. He will never get better than what he had.

You feel sorry for the man he was not the man he is. You are a kind and caring person unlike him. BUT
Now you can move on.
Hope you have a great night tonight
????

Massive pat on the back & hug for you. You did BRILLIANTLY. There is nothing wrong with you & it's good that you feel sorry for him & he looked so shit while you looked great!! Do you feel like you have the advantage now? You should. Also don't feel bad for not hating him. That makes you the better person & hate is such a draining & dangerous emotion.

I hope you sleep a little better tonight after that.

Sounds like you did bloody marvellously!!!!!

Bloody well done girl!

I think it's normal to feel sorry for them...if you're a decent person with feelings you can't just switch it off. It still breaks my heart that my ex dies t live with our dc...he misses so much. All his choices but I know how much he loves them so I'm sad for him.

Shame he didn't take everything but good for you for telling him you want it gone! Yay to you rocking up to the house with your case and new clothes! Oh whatnext...you ROCK!

all round......

Nothing wrong with you what, you have history with this man, who has/is messing his life up royally for some woman who is not the woman he married and made vows to, and whose son he bonded with then deserted. You probably feel pity. As one human being to another you probably feel empathy. He just sounds sorry for himself. Life not going the way he dreamed it would?

He has now cast you into the role of the OW, who he can confide in etc. My ex did this, and I fell for it - he then went on to marry the woman who was 'making him miserable', without telling me! I had gone into the role of his confidante and friend but noted he didn't say sorry or even understand how he had slowly and surely ruined the marriage/family [btw no OW involved on his part].

I can tell you I still have love for my ex, would it work if he came back? No. Not after how much he hurt us.

A difficult day for you but you did ok. It took a lot of strength to deal with him today.

Well done.I hope that he feels as bad as he looks.Aren't you nice for being concerned about him.Shows what a better person you are.

I asked him what his plans were for moving on with the divorce, he said there's no need to think about that now and we can 'let the dust settle' and then make a joint decision as to what we do.

I said that it's not his decision, it's my decision to make. I did tell him that he can expect a letter from my solicitor and he said so you're going to divorce me? I said it wasn't about divorce but I hadn't decided on the content yet. I thought it was right to warn him as I asked him not to surprise me with letters.

I was stupid as when he cried for ages, I said that I can't bear to see him like that - he never said that to me when I was breaking down, I don't think I'm weak but why didn't I keep my bloody mouth shut as it showed a weakness. I didn't cry though and remained totally calm (remembering the support I have).

God, he looked terrible - what has he done?! It's all so sad.

What you showed wasn't weakness...it was compassion. You're a decent person.

Good on you for telling him it was your decision to divorce.

It is very sad. He has fucked up and will probably end up the unhappy one.

Bloody well done for not crying- you really have shown your strength today whatnext. It's empowering isn't it?!

You did brilliantly what. I think it was very clever to say you do not hate him. It will mean you have moved on and hopefully will make him feel even worse. I think he looks dreadful because of guilt unless the OW is using him for hard labour. She might even damp him soon and he will come back to you to ask for forgiveness just like Paul Hollywood.
Stay strong! X

That must have been so hard. Well done.

That is very strange that he is not in a hurry to divorce. I think (but I might be wrong) he has understood that OW was a mistake and he hopes for a 2nd chance with what. The guilt is eating him because he left what for the woman he thought was a goddess. Indeed what, he is a very stupid man but men often think with another head.

what this is a hard question to answer but have you thought what you'll do if he asks you for a second chance?

LittleSunbeams - I have thought about it many times but I don't think he would even ask. He seems to be on self destruct and feels he deserves everything he gets, even though he hasn't actually said sorry to me.

But - what would I do if he did ask me? I miss him, I love him but he has hurt me, my DS and my family so much. Especially by saying months ago that he couldn't deal with the 'drama', my family will never forgive him for that as the 'drama' involved babies dying.

I am not being dramatic but I nearly ended it a few weeks ago, I actually thought I wouldn't be here any longer and when my DM saw me, she thought physically and mentally, I wouldn't last long.

I love him, always will. Before he went crazy for 2 months, we had the closest of relationships which is probably why I can't hate him. I miss the familiarity and the security but if we ever did have another chance, that is lost now forever. That's why I'm so sad over it all. He is a silly man for what he's done.

Well done hun. I thought he would be silent type but it sounds like he was a right mess. I had a feeling he would look terrible. My exp has posted a pic of himself and his beautiful daughter on FB. It's from 'camp'. She looks lovely..., he looks bloody dreadful. Me and my mum were shocked. Yes, he cried and cried while telling me he had to start this other relationship .. I sat there in stunned silence. Why was he crying FFS? Did you ask? He's got what he wanted no? Sounds like he may be having second thoughts.. I think you really need to have a think about what your reaction would be if he asked to come back.. Sorry to have to throw that in, but mummys got a point. Good work today what. You were compassionate and friendly and caring. That would have killed him.